Alone

Rain began to fall and grey clouds swallowed up the moon.  Shadows fell on her path and there was complete darkness.  She ran until she could go no further, she stumbled to the ground.  She couldn't see through the overwhelming darkness.  Tears of loneliness were mixed with the harsh rain falling on her face.  She reached out her hand, hoping someone would take it... No one ever did.  She called out for help... No one ever came.  The echoes of her screaming  became her only friend.  She screamed until her voice was gone.  She was so weak, she could barely move.  She had tried everything to make someone understand.  No one wanted to understand.  She took her last breath, in the darkness, Alone.

Reviews

[Calissa Knox]

Those grey clouds, are the veil of the moon, and they pass by, and go appart.... very beautiful expression, I liked that... and those tears of heaven on her face, that makes the piece, more heavier, and real... the grief is felt here. (how beautiful).

"The echoes of her screaming became her only friend" aah, I recognize here so much....
Your pen is brilliant, and it shows, how deep you go in art... truly splendid.

"and then Alone"
I could feel this...
Yet there is much strength...

- Elisa

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you for your very kind and encouraging review!

I wrote this because I wanted to portray how it feels to be alone. I wanted to portray how it feels when everyone around her doesn't understand that by sitting alone, and walking with her head down, she's actually crying out for a friend. She's just to afraid to be the first one to reach out. Some people end up on that road at the end of their lives, alone, just because no one ever took the time to say, "I'm here for you".

Anyways, thank you again for your review. I truly appreciate your encouragement, and inspiration!

Thank you so much for explaining the piece as you saw it, and wrote it.... yes, I think that's strong of you, to empathize yourself in her persona, and be selfless enough to still write without connecting, many of my pieces are about loneliness, and this grief, there is beauty in lonelyness though, (but that's me)... I'm selective (became selective in the world). And follow my own voice, that's what you will feel through my writings.... back to this artful piece, you have a way with words, that touches.... (at least me). I'm so ever happy, you noticed me tonight, so I am be able to read your artworks..... Very welcome you are, I do appreciate you too. xx

[Calissa Knox]

I definitely agree that there is a beauty in loneliness, and I think there is even a beauty in hurt and pain. Without those deep emotions, there would be little, or no inspiration for creativity. For many of us, artwork is something used to express our pain, and inspire others to overcome. Without the loneliness and pain, there would be no need for triumph, and no need to create something beautiful and profound. Thank you again, and I'm very glad we could connect today as well. It's been great talking with you, and reading the beautiful artwork you've created. But, I'll let you get some sleep now. :)

Yes, exactly, I think to feel it, and go rock bottom, once in a while, makes it art... it's how we (our brain works). We are a rare type to the mundane world, but the mundane world, just follows only the mass.... I think to ever listen to the heart, and feelings, is what art brings, preceiving, is art... and you do that very well... it was my pleasure tonight, and I will be back as soon as I can, for you, my sweet new friend. Sleep well too in a while, and thanks for all! :)))

[Calissa Knox]

You're welcome, and thanks to you, too. I'm glad we're friends. Sleep well. :)

[Scott Mou]

Loneliness is a difficult thing to deal with, and I felt that emotion oozing from this poem. It even made me a little sad to read. A great poem.

Keep up the good work

[Calissa Knox]

Thanks for the encouragement!

[Sarmelendez]

wow i could feel the emotions behind this and its a really great read, i have felt this once and that feeling never seems to really leave you its just buried deep inside us till it makes it way back to the surface.

[Calissa Knox]

Yes, I agree. That's a good reason to write - to process and understand the emotions buried inside. Thank you for your review!

[flowetry07]

The imagery here is amazing and incredibly relate able.

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you very much. I'm glad you could relate.

[Russ]

Deep, but I could really feel it. I love the emotion of it.

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you!

[Neon]

OMG... It's so painful story. An outstanding story that's ripped my heart off indeed. Am giving you 100/100 for this write from my heart. The world's really very cruel dear, Dawny & I founded that no one's happy to make some help of someone who's in pain and calling for Help... everybody stands before the human and looks into the eyes but no one comes forward for some help ... so, now your this poem raise a great Question of the day that "Is Humanity still on into the earth???? What i think that Humanity's still here but it's vanishing from the earth because people doing bad work day by day and loosing their humanity, their culture ... that's what i think .. let me know your point of views too if you're curious to answer the question?

[Calissa Knox]

I do think our culture is progressively getting darker, and people are progressively becoming more selfish. I think the media has played a huge part in shaping our culture, and making it what it is today. I think it's getting harder for people to see the pain of others because our culture is constantly telling us to only look out for our own needs. Our culture tells us to do whatever it takes to be on top of our game, even if it means pushing someone else out of the way. It's getting harder for people to recognize when someone else is hurting. When we see someone sitting alone, we tend to think they just want to be alone. We don't see it as a cry for help, but most often, it is. Thank you very much for the review! It means a lot to me that you took the time to write such a detailed and kind review.

[Neon]

Yeh .. I do agree with your this answer, your absolutely very right. Thanks for replying me and taking some time for leaving yer words for the answer of mah question ..

Ahh .. it's always my pleasure to read your stuffs dear, Dawny.

[Calissa Knox]

You're welcome, Neon! I love reading your stuff, too. Always great talking with you.

[Chris]

Quietly breathes here... I don't need to say another word...

[Bree Potter]

I like all of it. Well, I like all of it, but I'm hung up with using "alas" in the antepenultimate sentence. As far as i can tell, it's the only introductory clause/transition you use, and it stalls the pace of the narrative. Everything zips along wonderfully up to that point and (I think) captures the fear that "she" must have felt. I think if that "alas" were removed, that movement would carry through to the end, and the reader would not be allowed to stop until that last word: "... Alone". This word is halting (in a good way) and loses its power with something else slowing us down before it.

Otherwise, I think this is a melancholy, dramatic piece that aches with a real sense of paranoia and suffocation. Well done.

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you for the great critiques! Very much appreciated!

[Jeannear]

very moving poem i like it

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you!

[tyson]

Some pretty dark stuff. I read this twice, I'm not so sure why, but there was something that really stood out the second time around. 'The echoes of her screaming became her only friend. She screamed until her voice was gone.' Beautiful, as sad as it may be in the context of the poem. You've really conveyed the progression of her loneliness in a genius kind of way! really impressed and looking forward to having a read of some of your other works.

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you very much! I really appreciate the time you took to read! Glad you enjoyed it.