Today is now,
Tomorrow is soon,
Yesterday is then,
And night in between,
A fortnight is two weeks
A week seven days,
If today is Sunday,
Is the next morrow Monday,
Or is it Sunnight?
Are we sure we're right?
What if nights are days?
And days are nights?
I can see why it's the way it is,
It's too confusing otherwise!
So.....................
Now is today,
Soon is tomorrow,
Then is yesterday,
In between a night,
Two weeks a fortnight,
Seven days a week,
.... or is it?
Oh Alverrann! I LOVE that. Sunnight-that's awesome. It's rather tricksy, ( I love the word tricksy) but if I put a little thought into it, it makes halfway sense. I'm so happy you got your writing on here finally too! I'll read your other stories soon, but not today probably. Sorry D:
I understood this very well through the first reading. If you're going for tricksy, try for more details. Try using details/nostalgia for the past, confusion for the present, and abstraction for the future.
Also, you could try tying in the past, present and future to the cycle of day and night.
Nice shot! I am looking forward to reading the next draft!
"Are we sure w'ere right?" - Apostrophe malfunction alert.
"Or is it Sunnight?" - Very clever.
I like how you turned your lines around at the end instead of simply repeating them. The whole poem seems to twist in that respect. Well done.
You played with words very nicely.
The repetition of the lines and words didn't affect the beauty of the poem. It even made the ending twisted and thought-provoking.
Nice poem. (=
Great job, the confusing intent is the artful idea executed with a mind for
consistancy. the motive draws the reader into the abstract moment, excellent.
It's been a while since I've even touched this site, but it's such a big part of my childhood and growth in writing that I could never bring myself to delete anything I've posted.
If I thought tha.. more..