Prologue

This is my book.

The night was quiet, still, and moonlight bathed Eklaarn palace, from it's majestic pointed turrets to the firm stone walls that protectively encircled it. The crimson flags were turned almost black by the night, only a sliver of moonlight hitting them just right as the wind tugged them into position, revealing the flaming crown adorning them for just a moment, before they were pulled back away, the warm night whipping them in another direction. 

Guards dressed in the same crimson, their silver armor catching and holding the moonlight precariously, patrolled the top of the wall. The courtyard also holding them, as, though the night was late, it was also important. The first birthday of the triplet princes was being celebrated; and although the three children had been put to bed, the party that the adults were having for them was still going, warranting protection. 

And yet, through all of that protection, if one looked, one could see the balcony of the infants room jutting out from the side of the palace, hanging elegantly over the ocean lapping the wall below. If one looked, they might have seen the scarlet curtains billowing quietly out of the open terrace doors. They may have even caught sight of the figure standing there, black cloak similarly floating behind him, suspended by the persistent air. 

        No one looked; or, as such, saw. 

The figure stood still for a while, face hidden in shadow except the small silver slivers reflecting from it's eyes, almost as if pondering something, oblivious to the laughter and warm light of the party behind it. Moving forward suddenly, with grace and silent agility, it stepped inside the room. The figure's hands came up, removing the cowl slowly, revealing slick dark hair hanging just below the firm jawline of a man. A man whose face was still hidden in shadow, all except his eyes, which still seemed to carry the moon's reflection in them, appearing black with small bits of silver. A small smile quirked up the all-but-invisible mouth, never reaching the glitteringly cold eyes.

Now he moved forward slowly toward the center of the room where three golden edged cradles quietly rocked, the same insignia as the flag appearing on all of them. Before he reached them, the figure stopped, seeming hesitant to look, though it didn't last long. He bent slightly at the waist, looking silently into each cradle. He stood like that for a while, almost blending in with the dark room. 

Finally, he moved. His hands reached into the first cradle, picking up and holding the tiny infant that up till now had been happily sleeping there. The figure seemed almost repelled by the baby, smile though his mouth did. The child opened it's eyes sleepily, yawning as it did so. The man's dead smile grew as the eyes were revealed to be completely different colours, and glowing as well. The child blinked, one bright green eye and one thoughtful brown one. It stared for a little while, it's eyes lighting up the stranger in front of it, before it sleepily closed them again, deciding that whoever the man was, he wasn't worth it. 

The figure put it down quickly, obviously deciding against whatever he had been deliberating before as he tucked the little blanket up to the infant's chin, the little baby no worse for wear, though it's little tuft of brown hair was a little mussed. 

Quickly, the figure moved to the next cradle, reaching in like he had before, and removed the brother of the other one. It, unlike it's kin, was awake. The slim smile disappeared quickly. In the light of the moon streaming in between clouds, it's thin golden hair turned silver. It didn't yawn, but stared at it's holder. Nothing entered the child's expression, it merely continued to stare with a pair of intense grey eyes, never moving once as it held the man's ominous gaze. 

The figure put it back easily, once again deciding against it, moving on as he skillfully ignored the ever persistent stare. Moving to the next cradle, the smile slid once more onto the stone face of the figure. Now more in the moonlight, his face was revealed, chiseled and hard. 

His hands eased into the final cradle, lifting out the last child. This one, like the first, was completely asleep. It took longer to wake up, it's eyes blinking open blearily, as looked up at it's interruptor. The eyes were both almost completely black, but they had small snaking lines of red-gold in them, like an ember in a dying fire. The sliver of a smile grew to accommodate more of the man's harsh face, still as cold as before. 

The child finally looked right at the man, staring for only a moment before gurgling happily, a chubby hand stretching out to attempt to grab the man.

The smile disappeared. 

The infant stopped cooing, but it's content look of happiness remained. The man held it, continuing to look at for a moment before sweeping his hood back over his head, turning back to the moon with the child still in his arms. He stared out the window for a moment, then finally twirled in place, his cloak twisting around both the child and himself before collapsing in on him, dragging him into nonexistence and leaving the room empty but for the cradles, ever-moving drapes and the streaming moonlight. 

  LPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLP

A dusty road drowning in deep red moonlight on the other end of the continent, with a small dilapidated building surrounded by rolling hills, their green tarnished to brown in the consistent blood-coloured light. Suddenly, a twist of darkness split the road, ripping open a hole that a cloaked figure emerged from, an infant weighing down his arms. 

Striding forward, leaving firm footprints in the dusty road, the man made his way towards the three story building, ignoring the faded sign in front of it:  

HILLSIDE ORPHANAGE  

A firm resounding knock on the door broke the still night as the figure stood in front of the orphanage, waiting with in a silence that was once again broken by the door, this time opening to reveal a small thin man with wispy white hair and a grumpy countenance. He looked at the child with barely concealed surprise, exclaiming, "You go' 'im then?" 

"Obviously." The figure seethed quietly, his voice angrily telling the old man to speak more quietly, still not removing his hood he held out the child, "You remember the requirements." It was not a question.

"Righ' righ' I remember 'em." The small man nodded, waving his calloused hand indifferently, "Bu' jus' so long as I get paid. Bein' Matron of this dump isn' near 'nuff ta the pay I deserve!"

"You will." The figure's earlier flash of anger had passed, "But not until you prove your worth. You had better not slip."

"Righ'" The Matron pulled the little boy into his arms, gazing into the queerly colored eyes, letting a small grimace worm it's way onto his face, "'e better not be trouble. 'ow much does this job get any-" He cut himself off when he looked up to find that the figure was gone, leaving nothing but a bloody moon and a dark feeling behind him. 

"Righ'." The man growled, looking about with consternation before finally turning back to the child, "Well, le's get ya settled, then." And with that, he turned about, closing the squeaking door behind him with a click that resonated over the silent landscape, leaving it as before.

Author's Note

please tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Johnmb8]

I like this. There is a lot of imagery which is very vivid. I thought at times it felt a little bit forced but it really paints a picture in the reader's head. My biggest question is if this is a prologue to a story will you be able to keep up the prose consistently. I also like the shift from the descriptive adjectives to the "oh great" sentiments of the old man. All in all, good work.

[Tertia]

A great start and good attention to detail.

[Calibaster]

Well thank you! It's been a very long time since I posted it, so this comment is greatly appreciated! :)

[Marque]

That's a beautiful start, sweetheart! I love your sense of meaningful detail in setting and character. I'm excited to read the rest!

[Farrsight]

Good. Don't forget to fix your font problem, and in the last sentence before the words HILLSIDE ORPHANAGE, you say "THE 3 story building". You should specify what three story building it is. Also, in the second to last paragraph, you'll need to add a period after the word right. Like, "Righ'." Not "Righ'" . Righ'? ;)
That is all that I found, and in my opinion, you need to fix those things and NOTHING else. Okay? The rest is great in the prologue. Just FINISH THE BOOK. FINISH IT!!!!!!

[Calibaster]

Righ', I'll think about it. :)

[Farrsight]

Oh, you sly dog you...

[JMKane117]

This is a great story. It's intriguing, and mysterious with some cliched bits, but we'll see what you end up doing with them. Overall, I would read on to see what comes from this story. There are some technical issues I jotted down as I read along.

(The crimson flags were turned almost black by the night....) This sentence is a run-on.
(The courtyard also holding them, as, though the night was late, it was also important.) Repeating a word like also doesn't help improve the sentence.
(No one looked; or, as such, saw.) This line reads awkward. Try splitting it into two sentences and make the last one longer if need be.
When you use "one" to refer to a person, it can be distracting because you need a specific narration voice from the onset just to establish the use of "one". When you started the story, it read like most third-person limited perspective voices. The easiest fix is just to get rid of "one".
You repeat the words silver, sliver, moonlight, silently, little to much. I didn't get the sense that they added much to the story other than description.
(smile though his mouth did) This reads awkward. You're trying to make it sound like old English, when the rest of your narration is not.

It's a great start. The only other big thing that is missing is the setting. It's good and all that you mentioned there's a castle and some cloaks, but that doesn't tell you much about the world. Remember a prologue helps to establish the story ahead, that includes the world you're going to create. I couldn't quite tell if this was fantasy or something else entirely.

Keep up the great work!

[Calibaster]

thank you. When I get around to revising it, I'll definitely keep all of this in mind. (Sometimes I do get carried away in descriptions, and fall into an older type of speech. Usually after watching too much BBC.) ;) Thank you again.

[Stars and Whales]

Great prologue! Very intriguing, very cool! I like your opening sentence, it gives me a mental image of the setting almost immediately! This makes me want to keep going, which is what a prologue is for, so great job! Excellent work, and I really love it. Thank you for your excellent critiques on my work so far, by the way!

[Calibaster]

Naturally, I love critiquing.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

At first I couldnt really figure out the flow, so I thought it would be hard to read. But after a few lines, I picked up on it, and I was really impressed with how good it was.

[Calibaster]

Thank you! I'm sorry, it is a rocky start, I've been meaning to redo it. :/ :) I'm glad you liked it!

[Hayden Bridges]

I liked this a lot. It was very mysterious and actually made me laugh at the because of the old man. Not sure if it was suppose to but it did. It left on a good note. Makes me want to keep reading. It did seem a bit forced at times and I felt the cloaked man could have been more dark or ominous. smooth out some transitions and you will be good to go :D But good job. I will read the next chapter right now. Keep it up

- Hayden

[Calibaster]

Thank you again!!!!

[RainDancer1997]

This is a pretty good start:) Your very descriptive and that's great:)

[Calibaster]

Thanks! ;)

[A. L. Allen]

Definitely very mysterious. :) As has been said before, it reminded me for a moment of Tangled.

All in all the plot is very interesting. I think it's really cool that the boys each have different eyes, ans the last one's really intrigues me. I'm very curious to see where you go with that.

I do have a suggestion, though. You're transitions from one thought to the next seem very abrupt at times. For example, "The cloaked and hooded figure stood on the stone balcony, swathed in moonlight. Then suddenly..." The description was awesome, and I was excited to see more development of the mysterious atmoshpere, but then you suddenly end it. I think a quick read through will help you fix some of those things
:)

Other than that, this was a very well done piece! Keep it up! :D

[Calibaster]

Thanks! I'll do that!

[Dearantlers]

OK, a few random mistakes. For example, you put a comma rather than a period in a spot. Just a few random things like that. A quick edit, and all those you would find, and be able to fix them.
You had me thoroughly hooked. At the first I had a vision of the movie Tangled when the lady stole Rapunzel, and I expected it to be like that, which was great! I liked how all the boys have different color eyes, and want to know why the kid with the coal eyes was so special. Your descriptions were awesome, although, occasionally, like Johnmb8 said, it did seem a little forced out. Just tweak the wording a little, and it'll be great. But now, questions are racing through my head. Why did he put the child into an orphanage? I liked how your old man was so "excited" to see another child into his care, and I loved the way you showed it. But the boy shouldn't be in the same town. I don't think that that would work very well.
All in all, great story, and I want to read the first chapter! Send me a read request for it, will ya?

[Calibaster]

He is the crown prince, and was transported to a different country. if you have to know.

[Dearantlers]

Ohhh