ACCEPTANCE

The hardest thing a man can do is accept what is.
The easiest thing a man can do is accept what is not.
I struggle with these two worlds.
I want to dictate my every move and presume that everyone around me will do the same.
I fail at the road where forgiveness and mature mannerism meets.
I sit at the edge of my cliff looking down I see the town I want to be in.
I hold back from jumping for the isolation and dreaming is so much easier to me then letting the present unfold itself within its own time.
I take a breathe and wonder....where can I go from here if pain and suffering is where I choose to be?
yes choose, we all choose to stay beneath the shade on a warm sunny day instead of venturing out to the walls that hold the doors of our freedom.
I blame you,
I blame them,
I blame us,
I never take responsibility for my actions for my words
its my tongue they fly off of.
its my hands that takes apart a perfectly good day and turns into a s**t filled bucket
of hate and wrongs done to me.
I have said that I have this dream.
I have said that I want to be this person.
I have said that  I am no at fault for all the things that have landed on my lap.
well looking back and rewinding the clock I see that I failed to react like a man.
I failed to own up to my words and instead cry wolf at the nearest sight of ownership.
I have done many things.
I have seen a lot of things.
I have been a lot of people.
sometimes within a few moments of my poor reality.
so I light up a smoke take a drag and for a moment feel like the man I used to be.
pretty sad when one looks through the window and sees the truth has been right outside his door all this time yet failed to take a step towards the door.
guess I'm just not the man I think I am.
not to be down.
not to be playing a broken guitar.
I wrote the song right?
I sang the tune.
I gathered the crowd and yes promoted the existence of the pack lies I created.
I carry a shovel on my back.
with each step I bury a white lie into the ground.
never to deep for a I know that in time someone else will unearth the misery I have planted.
I think to myself "s**t" is this what created followed by a "oh-well" not my problem they are the ones who choice to dig up that path.
I try to sleep.
but the voices in my head echo through the canyons of everything I have done.
I try to speak.
but my lips stop short of the truth.
I try to cry.
but my tears dry when the heat from my burning hurting heart beats the emotions from chest into your hands.
in the dark I am a child.
in the light I am boy.
alone I am a scared man.
Acceptance........
broken down and torn apart that word all ways comes out to surrender.
Surrender to what was,
Surrender to what may be,
Surrender to what will never happen,
and surrender to the truth within.
Acceptance.....