Scars

Oophorectomy 11 years ago. Bilateral Mastectomy 1 year ago.

I looked in the mirror tonite

I thought I looked alright

At First

I made a mistake and looked again

And there they were looking back at me with disdain

I felt cursed

My body and I have never been friends

Never thin enough to fit the current trends

It is broken

I got sick all the time when I was small

Illness hung over my shoulders like a malevolent shawl

An understanding unspoken

Endometriosis hit first with operations and pain

Got so bad kinda made me insane

It took time to get pregnant. Hard to conceive

All the scar tissue from endometrial surgeries. Made it hard to believe

That I could ever have my Beautiful One.

Scars from taken ovaries. No more babies for me

Scar from the emergency C Section that saved my baby

Three scars now and more to come

Cancer hit next and I pretended to be brave

3 different kinds on one side. Not much left to save

Had to let them both go. Not a lot of fun.

No reconstruction. I am weary of hospital rooms

They're cold, scared and sad. Sterile little tombs

Filled with frightened faces

So it's just me and my scars

My personal prison with missing body parts as bars

I am learning that they need love. They need my deep embraces.

I will try to love my body that keeps trying to die

I will try to love what's left of it and try not to wonder why

My Brazilian kisses my scars every night

And I hold on to him tight

And I try to truly know that everything will be alright