Crushed

Crushed by the moon’s light.

Every second of every night,

she pondered every guilty delight,

that one day the moon will be hers.

She danced along the heart of hearts,

promised she would never part,

but as soon as they opened their mouths to start,

it would take another toll.

Dreaming of the final end,

knowing she could not pretend,

within her lies the warmest friend,

that never came out to pummel.

They laughed at her until she cried,

kicked her over until she died,

and when she opened her eyes to see the sky,

she saw the moon,

crushed by the light.

Author's Note

It's mainly about wanting to feel free and sacrificing other people's perception of you, and how it doesn't always end on the happiest note.

Reviews

[feline_fairy]

I really really like this - I like the bit about laughing until she cried and kicking her until she died.

I like the rythem you have used and the way the first three lines of each stanza rhyme, but the last doesn't - when you read it, you almost start to speed up on the rhyming lines as if getting excited, and then on the last line you slow down as it doesn't rhyme - just like the unhappy ending.

I also find this conflicting because I get both impressions - of trying to be free and happy and just be yourself - She danced along the heart of hearts,promised she would never part, but at the same time it comes across as though she can't handle the other people laughing at her - but as soon as they opened their mouths to start,it would take another toll.

I also find the way you describe Dreaming of the final end,knowing she could not pretend,within her lies the warmest friend,that never came out to pummel. really powerful - just the word pretend sort of sums up everything I think this poem is trying to say - that there is always some pretence - if we try to just be ourselves, we have to pretend we don't mind at other people ridiculing us, and if we don't want to be ridiculed we have to pretend to be something you're not. No matter what you do you have to pretend something.

This is a really powerful poem, portraying a real longing for something not possible, being devoid of hope so much so that that even the moon seems to bright! Well done :o)

[Kelley]

I loved this Cakes! Your poem flowed rather well and the
rhyme was perfect. I love how you ended this!!!
I know its suppose to be sad but I see a happiness
in the way the moon is portrayed.....even if the end is
you by the moon.

Great write thanks for sharing.

Kelley

[Markymark]

I'm looking at the form. AAAB, CCCD, EEEF, GGGH, and close. What is that? I like it.

Good job,

MM

[beccaz123]

This is a very good piece, hope you are proud. Well Done!

[Pyre]

I find it interesting, it lays a curious foundation with the references to light crushing the moon, is it the starlight? I find your authors note interesting, because it didn't immediately strike me as freedom, rather being comfortable with expressing yourself without fear. I suppose that is a kind of freedom, but in the end I guess its all a choice of self. I liked the imagery between her physical form and her freedom of expression, especially "and when she opened her eyes to see the sky,she saw the moon"

[Michael X]

Crushed by the ight of the moon" this's powerful and well written and beautifully expressed depth of longing sadness consuming the heart until there is no light left, nor hope. subtle rhymes, profound messege, I loved this.

[theperfectfit]

No it does not. Very poweful piece. There's something very bitter and it sings of a quiet sadness...hmmm. Me like lots.