The Casualty...

Emotions running through a tumoured mind...

A burden, I feel

On you, on society

Halting lives

My notoriety

 

Screeching tires

Brakes are slammed

Stop you from living

Leaving you damned

 

Suck the life

Right out of you

Drained like chemo

Skin turns blue

 

A lonely fight

I undertake

Other’s affected

By my mistake

 

Why should you suffer?

It’s not your disease

You should live on

And do as you please

 

A burden I am

To all in my life

I stop you living

And bring you strife

 

No matter what company

A lonely battle I fight

Me against cancer

An on-going plight

 

No-one understands

The pain I go through

I know you try hard

I don’t blame you

 

It is my fault

I push it away

And hide my thoughts

To get through the day

 

Why must you fall?

An innocent casualty

Of the raging war

It should be me

 

I should protect

I should provide

I should be the man

Cancer does hide

 

I feel like a weight

Dragging you down

Not lifting you up

Letting you drown

 

I feel hopeless

Lost in the war

Not the man I was

The man I was before

 

Wrought with disease

Sick, skeletal and pale

I’ve lost my life

Live scared I will fail

 

Fail to win

Fail to beat

Cancerous tumour

My own dis-ease

 

The voice whispers

Across the night

“it would be easier

 if you had just died”

 

It’s hard to know

What it is like

To stop living

During this fight

 

World keeps on turning

It always lives on

Daily lives churning

Halted, mine is gone

 

I can never be

The man I was before

I wave my white flag

Surrender the war

Author's Note

Pure emotion. It's been a very rough day, just needed to vent. Not sure if I'll keep it but it let out a fraction of the muddled emotions in my even more muddled mind.

Reviews

[London's Lily]

A lonely fight
I undertake
Other’s affected
By my mistake

I beg your pardon? Did you go off and get cancer on purpose? Did you run to the nearest corner cancer store & say, "I'd like a tumor, to go, please" ??? I don't think so, mister! This is not your mistake. This is a horrible, uncontrollable event that happens to many, many undeserving people, yourself included. If anyone finds you to be a burden, then they do not deserve to be in your world, and shame on them. And if you're merely assuming that you're a burden of any sort, because you just feel like one, then please find a way to get that out of your head. People care about you, and you know this because you're always telling us about your wonderful, sweet partner who supports you & loves you. She's there because she loves you, too, so let her do that. Let her do her job as your support system. You will heal much faster if you place your energy into getting healthy, as opposed to giving an ounce of energy to negative thoughts. Be well, sweet Cairo. You have people here cheering you on - you and your lovely partner both. You guys do the kicking, we'll be here cheering in the wings while you do it. Okay? :)

[DJ]

I knew you would growl me for this piece hahaha. Thanks Lily, for your scold and for your on-going support and fighting on my side, it means a lot to me. I feel like a burden, no one has told me I am but I feel so helpless sometimes and I know that my illness is affecting others around me and that is hard for me to swallow... probably because I am so used to being the strong one and the one who looks after everyone else and I am stubborn... very stubborn... but I know that everyone in my life is just trying their best to help... I just find it hard to accept sometimes. Yes she certainly does love me, I am very lucky. Thanks Lily you made me smile :)

[Tom]

Despite the emotional anguish you are going through, your poetry remains outstanding and an inspiration to all!

Keep writing Cairo as your poems are a pleasure to read & review !

[Coyote Poetry]

I hope you are feeling better. A powerful and emotional ride in your poem. It is hard to stay positive always. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on a hard topic.
Coyote

[Traci]

A lonely fight
I undertake
Other’s affected
By my mistake

Love this may be your fight, but never your mistake. And you are anything but a burden. You are surrounded by people who care and love you, who are fighting right beside you. We are here because we want to be! So please do not wave that flag of surrender, because when you do, all hope is lost and your strength diminishes. Put your positive energy into this fight, into getting healthy, as you regain your sense of balance. Release your emotions as your pen bleeds your pain, your frustrations, but know deep down in your heart and soul, sweet Cairo, you are never alone. Much love to you always. Stay strong.

[Eddie Phillips]

Poets write so well when the emotion is at the tip of their pen. It is like the eye of the storm. We write our pain while the world is going to hell around us. We gain peace in the eye from it. I git that when I read this poem. Keep writing because it will give you peace.

[DJ]

Thank you so much Eddie, that means a lot to me. And you are so right, it does give me peace :)

[Vani Jalagar]

every line engulfs your emotions. Thank you Cairo....be strong:)

[DJ]

Thank you my friend.

[Hana Saemon]

i dont think you're a burden to anyone who chose to stick by you. your loved ones are around you for a reason - because they love you. you're not alone in this battle. cancer sucks big time. i hope you find someone who is able to support you through this difficult time.

a good write - something like a punk song. we all have our days, and this is yours. i hope tomorrow will be a better day for you, God willing. :)

[DJ]

Thank you... I do have someone who supports me like that, she is amazing, but I can't help how I feel and some days are much harder than others. I am having a really bad day but I hope it will pass quickly because I hate feeling so down. Yeah cancer sucks, stripes the soul, eats away at your mind and takes away the life you once lived... Thank you for your support and kindness :)