The Gamble

To chemo or not to chemo, that is the question.

I’ve been handed a test

Of which I have to fight

The darkness is impaling

Every ounce of light

 

It’s a battle that can be won

But one that’s often lost

There’s a 50/50 chance

There is a hefty cost

 

For a life has no price

None which I can pay

All I can do now is hope

To see the light of day

 

A decision must be made

Through the darkness and the war

Do I climb back up?

Or finally say no more

 

Whichever I decide

There is half a chance

That it is the wrong one

And my tumor would advance

 

Numbness is something

That I’m accustomed to

Empty is my best friend

And pain pulses right on through

 

Confusion is my brain

Dysfunction is my mind

Damaged is my body

Worn out, I am, all the time

 

Overwhelmed are my emotions

Tortured is my soul

Conflicted is my decision

Irrational is my control

 

I am trapped and confined

Constricted and constrained

To this hospital bed

Stuck in a vortex of pain

 

In a dark cellar, trapped

With the demon that I fear

Awaiting my salvation

As time weeps a silent tear

 

This demon that I fight

Is a ghastly beast

It resides in my brain

On my body it does feast

 

50/50 rests heavily

On my broken spirit

A decision that could take

My life along with it

 

My state of mind is warped

Once so positive and free

Vanquished is my spirit

The lighter side of me

 

50/50 is this choice

I haven’t made it yet

It weighs down on my shoulders

It is a heavy debt

 

A decision must be made

A need to carry on

Even if there’s half a chance

I need to proceed along

 

This windy darkened road

Shadows follow as I stride

No matter how hard it is

I’ll carry on with pride

 

Proud of how far I’ve come

Anxious at the fight ahead

Terrified but determined

With every step I tread

 

50/50 is a gamble

But it’s one that I will make

I’ll take a chance and smile

As I roll in the high stake

Author's Note

After getting told that I may have to go through chemo again due to my tumor growing I have a big decision to make. To chemo or try natural therapies... 50/50 gamble. All reviews are welcome.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

"Overwhelmed are my emotions

Tortured is my soul

Conflicted is my decision

Irrational is my control



I am trapped and confined

Constricted and constrained"
You have summed up your state of health and worry marvelously in those short lines. Sometimes we come to a fork in the road and the decision we make can have a great impact on our future path. I hope you make the right one if you have a choice and be healed by a miracle along with medicine...:)

[DJ]

Thank you so much Sami, your words mean a lot to me! I hope I make the right choice too my friend. A miracle... now that sounds amazing, I hope for that too :)

[Sami Khalil]

Good. You are welcome...:)

[Hana Saemon]

Again, i love the hope at the end of all your poetry. Stay strong and well, and take care of your emotional health. It does affect your physical health too. And as usual, well written. :)

[DJ]

Thank you so much my friend. I will :) I have a great support person, she really lightens up my days

[Hana Saemon]

Awwww lucky you then :)

[DJ]

Sure am :)

[Hana Saemon]

im sure she is as lucky to have you in her life :)

[DJ]

Aww thank you, that's sweet of you to say.

[Broken Wings]

This is very well written Cairo, I am so sorry for what you are battling and no matter your decision the people you have around you will be there to support you, just as the friends you have here will be. Keep writing my friend, it is a great way to purge your emotions and get some form of release. You write brilliantly, superb style, great rhyming and with so much emotion. Every piece you write I can feel the emotion as I read.
" Proud of how far I’ve come
Anxious at the fight ahead
Terrified but determined
With every step I tread"
Such deep emotion and great feeling descriptions. Keep fighting, stay strong and hold on tightly to your faith.

[DJ]

Thank you so much my friend. Your words mean a lot to me. I hope you are well, take care :)

[London's Lily]

Whatever decisions you make along the way, as long as there's an ounce of fight left within you, grasp it tightly. Don't let it take away your fight.

[DJ]

Don't worry Lily, I'll always keep fighting! I can get through it :)

[NA]

You are going through one of my worst fears and my heart breaks for you. Really felt like crying when I read this..what ever you decide, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Powerful read xx

[DJ]

Thank you Raven, that means a lot to me. I am humbled by all the lovely, supportive people on here. Your prayers are appreciated my friend.

[zaneybear]

"No matter how hard it is

I’ll carry on with pride"

I absolutely love these lines, keep your head up and stay strong, I am proud of you for fighting this battle, and finding comfort in writing abaout it, stay strong deary :)

[DJ]

Thank you Zaney, that means a lot to me. I hope you are well. You take care too my friend.

[Tom]

Terrific poem, so much expression, courage and dignity contained within each wonderful rhyming verse, you are a warrior of the highest order Sir and I salute you!

Keep the poems coming, so uplifting and magnanimous I enjoy your work.

[DJ]

Thank you so much Tom, for your kind words and review. They are a comfort my friend.