Not sure yet

Searching and searching
For a path out of darkness.
Craving and crying
For a moment of peace.
Wandering aimlessly
Waiting for freedom.
The voice repeats
''Your soul is deceased"
Look at the others, just look at the others
Feel the jealousy melt into hate.
The devil is near, the devil is here
He'll twist your thoughts and rattle the cage.

Author's Note

This is just half of it. I'm still confused if this much is good or bad.

Reviews

[Karen]

I agree with Mark and Heaven that there is great potential in this poem and the repetition of certain lines and words is great. Usually repetition is a careful literary technique that requires some skill: you don't want to be redundant but you want to emphasize a point or image. You do a good job of the latter in this poem. I would be interested in reading the "rest" of this poem!

[RavenDelcor]

It is a good poem, for all the reasons stated by other reviewers. I would like to add, that it is finished, I would not like to see it added to. A second poem, sure. I would also suggest, shortening this one, not to cut any content or lines, but to gain some rhythm, to make the reader's heart beat and then twist off at the end. Let the poem introduce the devil's twist on thoughts and bones. Don't get me wrong, there is a good rhythm here already, it just seems broken at the end. Thanks for sharing it, I respect your work,

[Blue Ivory]

This is amazing! It's so full of raw emotions and honesty with yourself mixed with self hatred. You implied your messages perfectly. Great work! I can somewhat relate to this too. It's going to my favorites.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the poem. I agree with the description. Old Devil will trick us and make us wish to escape with no exit. I like how you ended the poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mark]

It has promise. A soul lost in darkness, I feel despair and lost hope.

[Infinite hexes]

I like how you repeated some of the of the lines. This is a very strong poem, and you should continue it, maybe add a cool font, and paragraph it right :)