Cries Unheard

A loss that I can't put in words, but here is a shot.

The warm winds have ceased to blow,

Now, only in my memories and dreams do you show.

My love for you will always remain. 

Aimlessly I wonder, I'm lost in the rain.

Why play?  I no longer see the point of 'Winning'

Where to turn? Compass spinning.

 Shock is gone, reality is here,

By my side, you were always near.

Anger is the seed, Can’t stop it from growing within.

This darkness all too familiar, crawling inside my skin.

 Regret, so much not done, too much not said.            

 Diminished hope, fragile, hanging by a thread.

Nothing has been the same, Your laugh or smile no longer fills the room.

You turned into such a great mother, was like watching a flower bloom.

Cries unheard, tears leaving an emotional stain.

All the tears, can’t wash away the pain.

I can feel your gaze from above,

Painless now, filled with love.

Free, at peace, roaming the eternal skies.

I see your face, every time I look into your children's eyes.

 Dedicated to my loving sister Natalie.  One of a kind attitude, unmatched.

Author's Note

Be respectful, wasnt easy posting this.

Reviews

[Sean M. Addams]

very deep and powerful and I thought the flow was good great job

[Mr. Lopez]

First I'd like to say that your style of writing is unique. There is no flow and yet it flows. It reads like a story but feels like a song and these are just my surface observations. There is no right way to right.there are no rules per se. But I'm of the mind that there are some things that get over done and I believe, for myself, that there are invisible lines that one shouldn't cross. Here, you have followed no rules, crossed a few lines and yet you've managed to produce a beautiful piece of work. Now, the content....there is nothing braver then bearing ones soul to an audience that spans the globe. Sharing the grief of your loss so poetically can't be an easy thing and for that you have my respect.some people skim the waters while others just don't know how to swim but you my friend drown yourself in emotion , you expose every nerve while paying your respects. I liked everything about this.

[Thegingerninja]

Wow!! its beautiful my sweet nephew.... This brought a tear to my eye and touched me greatly I think it is the best thing you have ever written, it comes from true emotion and there is something to be said about that...You should continue to write from a place of your true feeling you will probably suprise yourself if you do..Love

[JayG]

Several observations:

First, rhymed couplets give a rocking horse feel in anything longer than a few lines. You might want to look into a slightly more complex rhythm.

Next: When writing structured poetry, readers expect the structure of the first stanza to maintain through the rest, just as a song would between stanzas. So if there are three feet in the first line of S1 they expect that, and the count in other lines, to continue through the piece, (except in forms mandating something else).

And: be careful of forcing the line to the rhyme. It tends to force you to use the obvious rhyme, and in worst case, Yoda-speak. " By my side, you were always near." ;) In the best of poetry, the word is perfect for the thought, and seems to almost accidentally rhyme.

And finally, the magic word: prosody. It's the thing that gives structured poetry its charm, and makes the words flow "trippingly from the tongue." Iamb and trochee are to of the building blocks, and help maintain a steady drumbeat. A fine example of how choosing words that maintain cadence can add to a piece can be found in The Cremation of Sam McGee, by Robert Service. Written more than a century ago, it still has the power to get people tapping their feet to the beat, today. It's been a favorite at scout campfires since it was written. And it's fun to perform, because you get to overact wildly.
http://www.wordinfo.info/words/index/info/view_unit/2640/?letter=C&spage=26

Notice that there is more then one rhyming scheme in play. Note two that though the syllable count may vary, the number of beats per line is rock steady, given a predictability that the reader notes and participates in, making them feel more in the moment.

And of course the ending will have you shaking your head—part of why it's been around so long.

A reading of the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled will "bring you on-board, so far as prosody and the basics of poetry.

Hope this helps.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Gee]

That last line is a heartbreaker. You put across your feelings very well in this well penned piece. I'm sorry for your loss

[Shy Joe]

Loosing a loved one is always an open wound. Sorry for your lose. I love your writing style. I write very similar in style. Thanks for sharing.