If I Loved You Less

i might be able to talk about it more

If we spoke more I think I’d write about you less, 

but part of me prefers writing that part’s easy to confess

 

Regardless of what my feelings are I’d rather be your friend, 

that’s what I keep repeating in the mirror, that’s what I repeat with every poem that I send

 

Because all things in writing do tend to solemnly swear, 

are my feelings still felt if they’re not easy to share?

 

Not outwardly or openly or honestly in a way that’s known, 

but regardless of what my feelings are these feelings for you I will now again keep it on my own

 

I tried speaking but at some point my voice cracked at the sound, 

I tried to look up but my eyes bore a hole into the ground

 

I know I didn’t love you yet but I think one day I could, 

but the lingering reminder of heartbreak makes me wonder if I should

 

So I’d rather be your friend and know about your day, 

was it horrible? Fantastic? What did your friends say

 

And you’ll tell me these secrets and I’m a vault with a chain, 

a locked up safe where I keep all the pain

 

I wish I could reach you out on occasion but it’s not casual or small,

And I wish we were close enough that I could just pick up the phone and call

 

And maybe one day I do on a park bench somewhere new, 

the stranger at the night market looked a little to much like you…

 

And it goes straight to my recording and I think how symbolic, 

never the right time always just too melancholic.

 

And the other bench sits a couple just across the way, 

he kisses her forehead as she talks about her day

 

Then the couple running a dog at their side, 

the voice inside my head says " get over it" 

yeah trust me I tried

 

But maybe I will lie and tell you I met somebody new, 

hoping you’ll ask me if I like her and I’ll answer 

“how could I  when I still like you”

 

Even though things are a lot different,

even tough I like that they’re not the same, 

I don’t love you yet but I still combine your first with my last name

 

I have a childish sort of hope when it comes to between us what could be... 

and even though I’m not  a little child anymore you make 

a hopeful man out of me

 

Because I rather know all of you than just up appearance for a while,

being the key witness of your life's trial

So I end the recording eventually with no intention to message after the clip, and buy a storage box to store all these memories you might thought I didn't keep