12: Dusk

The full book is on amazon. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1791781527

I

Cliff was alone with the night when he returned to the path.  He felt the effects of all around him, still and silent: not even the the thin air was aroused or stirring.  His legs and feet were the only movement, and along the path they went.  But suddenly the smooth dirt floor turned to forest: the path, his day’s sole companion, had come to an end.

A tugging drive retreat overwhelmed him and desperation sat him on the ground.  All was silent, except the growing harassment of Cliff’s distress.

“Oh you path, you guiding path, you have dropped me off and abandoned me to the wild!

Oh you sun, you shining eye, you no longer look upon me and have abandoned me to the dark!

Oh my mind, you orderer of will, you have forced me up this mountain and abandoned me to confusion!

Mountain, tell me, for I have not yet spoken with you: have I been misled?  Was I climbing in vain all this time?  Have I been a fool to disbelieve in all those people of my life?  Have I been a fool to think them small and something to be overcome?  Have I been cruel to think that all are not equal, that I am not equal to the crowd?”

He sent out his questions and the world kept its spinning silence, its deafening muteness and evident dumbness.

 “Nothing! No sign, no word!

Mountain, your very height invites climbing, but once among your air, how inhospitable you become!  How covered in spiked, rocky crevices, how filled with winding paths, how dark from shade of billowing trees!

Mountain, have you deceived me? Is your height nothing more than an illusion?

Look at me!  Alone, stranded!  Nothing more than a naked and jesting story in my head, my sole company.  Look at what I have denied myself for the heights!  My life given up and forgone!

Please, mountain, guide me!

Please, serpent, guide me!

Please, lion, guide me!

Please, eagle, guide me!”

But nothing moved, nothing spoke, and no signs were revealed.

“Oh despair!  Your kiss burns!  How much acid must lie on your lips!

How lonely one is when you come and give your affection!

How empty the outside makes the inside!

Oh despair!  You wild clutch, you osprey’s talon, how you grip me!”

Still, the mountain’s trees and rocks and dust made no motion and gave no sound.  Cliff sat in the night with himself and the day’s people and events ran through his mind.  Their pattering feet stomped and trampled on his will.  Off in the distance, outside the black of tree shadows, standing in the moon’s glow, a sharp drop off  caught his eye.  The rocky ledge was a few hundred feet from the nearest ground below.  Cliff stared at the escape with anticipation.

“Oh charming escape! You taunt me!

Your song calls me, your delicious release!

Will I hear your song as my last?

Why should I not embrace your fall into nothingness?

You charming escape, how instantly you would pry me from this osprey’s grip!  How well you would force that osprey’s grip to loosen and plumet me down, down into sweet release!

Why should I not accept this dropoff’s offer?  

Answer me!  You grief filled earth and existence, answer me!”

All was still and topped with a shattering indifference.  Cliff stood and walked to the overhanging rock’s edge.

“Oh moonlight!  How tenderly you present melancholic release!  How you understand all and accept all!

Oh you moon, how I wish to escape to you and join you in the absence of space!

How sweet your offered absolute is!  Beyond you, what absolute can man have?  Beyond you, what other absolute is there for man to own his existence?

You sweetest release, you tender moonlight, only through you can man look upon the light of that star called truth without burning or shielding his eyes!”

Cliff sat on the edge of the rock and stared down at the far distant ground.

“But you exit, you unravel nothing.

If I give to you my eternity, nothing is left to be unraveled.

Your exit is not for me, I enjoy your comfortable offering, but it is not for my taking.

You are something to be seen from above, which calls out tender words, but that cannot be taken seriously.  And the higher one climbs, the more certain your fall becomes, the more enticing.

But you exit, you premature curtain, my answer is not in you. I seek answers: words and question marks, not periods.”

Cliff stepped away from the ledge and returned to the dark, quiet woods.

II

 When Cliff was back in the trees and shade, he searched for the path, but found nothing.  The path leading back to the ground was gone, nowhere to be found, and the path leading up was missing, too.  Cliff was overcome: he ran, ran deliberately up, higher.  He ran and while running, he became possessed.  With fury and passion, he became possessed.  The world became perfect.  Everything aligned.

“Oh depth!  Oh my sweet depth!  How your embrace strangles me and enchants my world!

Oh depth!  You seductive mistress!  How you whisper life’s secrets into my ear!

How your strong and sharp voice cuts short the dreaming of even the heaviest sleep!

How your flowing gown sweeps away all dust time gathered on reality’s surface!

How beautiful your eyes are when they see and reveal the world!

Oh depth!  You flirting goddess!  How you talk to me, always knowing what to say!

Oh depth!  Oh my darling depth!  How your parting kiss blazes and ignites my eternal love for you!  How it solders my devotion to you!”

Cliff stopped running by now to feel the passing depth, but the forest and mountain and night was returning slowly to silence.

“Oh depth!  You always leave me!  I can feel you leaving!  And how painful a parting it is!

Fear follows close behind you and I feel its footsteps nearing now.

Why must you bring fear behind you to spoil our rendezvous, to inspire doubt in the seeds of our love.

Silent, still, everything becomes silent and still and dangerous when you leave.

Depth, you addictive woman, how can I wed you?  How can I prolong our earthly time together?

You deny my proposal, your love is short, but in it is eternity!

But you've already turned up your ears and walked away: you leave me everytime!

You leave me first afraid of your passion, of what’s real in you, and then you leave me afraid of life without you!

Ah, I’ve lost you already!  But I will call and call for you. And when that does nothing, I will remember your eyes and how they reflected the world.

Oh depth, my beloved, how you push me forward by making me run after you.”

III

A new vigor and direction had a hold of Cliff and propelled him forward, up.  He felt only the incline of the mountain as he ran and ran forward, up.

“Oh, how despair pushes forward!

Despair releases its grip always to leave me running firmly on the ground.  Running toward, never away.

What thrust now has replaced that touchy osprey, woe.

How clear my goal now seems!”

And Cliff carried on up the mountain that way while the sun solemnly rose through the new morning’s sky�"it climbed to approach the line dividing earth and air.

“Ah!  You shining eye!  I see your early light seeping through every crack and opening.  How I’ve missed your company!

You rise to justify, to secure me in my direction.

Powerfully, you sit in vast, dark space to give light to me on my climb!

What colors you impart and paint on the earth to lead me to my goal!”

When Cliff had spoken thus, he stopped at a tall stack of flat stone, a long and wide wall.  There was seemingly no way around the rocky obstruction, so he began to climb, completely vertically.  His hands grabbed for jutted out grips, while his legs scattered to find footing.  Grab after grab, he made his way up the steep rocks.

He reached his hand up as far as it could reach and grabbed onto the flattest surface yet: it seemed to be the top of the rocks.  One hand held on while the other reached to do the same.  He pulled himself up while his legs kicked and pushed to meet his hands.  Finally, his eyes rose above the platform, over the rocks:  before him sat a firm, empty cave and in front of it, the serpent, the lion, and the eagle.