5

5

Luke finished wiping the countertop and made his way to the kitchen.

“You guys see? Darius is out there.”  He was speaking to Norman and Alyosha, the restaurant owner and his son.

“Yeah we saw, is that a cane he has?”  Norman and his wife were close friends with Winnie and Vivian, although less close since the onset of Winnie’s condition.  It was Winnie’s contracting business that built the restaurant, a gift to a friend.

“That boy is too much.”  It was their family connections that all but forced them to put up with Darius frequenting their restaurant.

“He’s a bit peculiar, but he’s not that bad.” Alyosha was always keeping the peace.

“Peculiar is an understatement.”  Luke guffawed.

Alyosha was like an older sibling to Luke, Annie, and Darius, not only by virtue of his maturity, but also for being ten years older.  When Darius’ commands grew too unreasonable, they sent Alyosha to take care of his requests. Most recently, he had to explain to Darius why he couldn't set up his desktop computer in a booth for what he called his ‘thought to word document transfer process’.  Nevertheless, Darius continued to write in his notepad and occasionally bother other customers. Alyosha never let it get out of hand, though.

“He’s too smart for his own good.” Luke reasoned.

“He isn't smart at all, you’re only smart if your smarts are useful.”  Norman countered.

“No, he’s smart, just incompetent.” Luke was sure.

“If a man is smart, he contributes to his society, he is helpful to others.  Anything else is just too much thinking.” Norman held fast to his belief

“Well, smart or not, he just has different ways of thinking, and surely that could be useful to someone.”  Alyosha stepped in.

“Yeah, useful as entertainment, ha-ha!”

“If someone is smart but can’t do anything with their smarts, it's as good as having a mental disorder!”  Norman posited.

“He doesnt think like the rest of us do, that's the kind of thing that brings about progress.”  Alyosha added.

“No, hard work and being able to function, for God’s sake, is what changes things.”  Norman was certain.

“He acts how he thinks is best, and besides, have you ever listened to him talk? He has some interesting things to say.”  Alyosha reasoned.

“Interesting is one thing, useful is another.”  Norman crossed his arms.

“No, he only acts the way he does because he knows people expect his to be the smart one, so he tries to live up to it.  It’s an appearance thing. I mean, seriously, he has a cane.” Luke made himself laugh, “...and did you see the letter he sent last week about the chicken pot pie?”  

“No, what’d it say?” They both wondered.

Luke disappeared into the back room and returned a few moments later with a foot long rectangular package.

“Is that a scroll?”

Luke slid the note out of the package and they all huddled around to see black calligraphy on a creamy white background:

Dear Sirs,

Perhaps you are having a laugh at me in serving that abomination of a pot pie in your eatery this past wednesday.  As a worldly and well traveled gentleman, with mother in Arizona, I have spent many a night in the dusty and scouldering desert, but never was a day even remotely comparable in dryness to the inside of that ‘pot pie’ I attempted to consume.  Never, I emphasize: never in my life have my taste buds been assaulted so ruthlessly and with such criminal negligence. I demand that a change be made to your recipe, for my patronage is on the line. What’s worse, is not only the initial experience, but now the trauma that will follow, that will haunt me each time I proceed to break crust on a pot pie, wondering if I will be victim to another offense.

Best regards,

Darius

“I think I hate him.” Luke finished reading.

“He’s not lying, it’s a bit dry, ha-ha.” Alyosha laughed.

“Well, we should talk to him so he doesn't write a complaint to us again.” Norman signaled Alyosha to leave the kitchen.  They walked from the kitchen to the table where Darius and Annie were sitting.

“Ah! Gentlemen! Sit, Sit.  I trust you are doing well.”  Darius could barely finish before slinging a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“We gotta get back to the kitchen soon, we were just saying hi.”  Alyosha smiled.

“Back to the kitchen to refine the pot pie recipe, I presume”  Darius turned to the side and mumbled to himself, but it was audible enough.

“Well, great seeing you, as always, of course.  Goodbye Darius.” Norman started back to the kitchen.  

“Wait!  Norman! I wished to relay to you that my Mee Maw and Papa shall be requesting the company of you and your mate later this week for the occasion of dinner.”

“We’ll be there.” Norman turned and continued walking.

“Ok, what's with the cane?”Alyosha scrunched his eyebrows and nodded toward toward the object in question.

“Ah yes, I was just explaining to Annie.  You see, I've been cast from my home, and by a very shorthand version of events, I was unsure when I might have my next meal.  Such an uncertainty would mean I would require energy preservation measures, to avoid burning excess calories, so as to, therefore require less food consumption.  The vast majority of my energy consumption is spent on walking and I've determined that a walking cane can greatly reduce energy expelled.”

“That handle is painted gold, it must have been $500, why wouldn't you just spend that on food?”

“You see, I've reasoned that I can more efficiently preserve energy over a longer period of time and therefore require less overall meals than if I were to walk on two feet like a commoner.  The amount I've spent on this cane, which is none of your concern, mind you, will result in more saved calories than the same sum could have bought in food.”

Alyosha was always curious as to what rationalizations he would give for his seemingly ridiculous actions.  

“Interesting.”  He said facing Darius, chin in hand.

“Sit, sit, have some popped corn.”  He held out a greasy handful of popcorn with a few kernels lodged beneath his nails.

“Ha-ha, no thanks.” He shook his head and put up his hand “I have to be getting back to the kitchen, it was nice seeing ya, man!”  He walked back to the kitchen and over to the other two guys.

“I don’t get it, why does she entertain him.”  Luke shook his head and held out his hands.

“She doesn't see him like you do, she’s captivated by him.” Alyosha explained.

“I don't understand how any woman in their right mind could bear more than a few minutes with that boy.  Especially a pretty young thing like her.” Norman was also baffled.

“Right or wrong, the heart speaks louder than the mind.” Alyosha concluded.

“No, No, she definitely doesn't see him like that, no way.  She couldn't possibly see him like that. Look at him and look at her.”  Luke was sure.

“You proved my point, the heart speaks louder.”  Alyosha smiled warmly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Luke was getting defensive.

“I mean that your feelings for Annie cloud your perception of her.”

“No way, they do not.  I mean, I don't even have feelings for her.  I mean, even If I did, I'm obviously a better option than that penny loafer-wearing goofball.  Just look at who she’s with now, he’s way more like me and nothing like Darius.” Luke’s face was red.

“You can't use reason to explain these things.”

“Are you two going to talk about your feelings and decorate cookies all night or are you going to get to work?”  Norman ended the conversation.