Chapter Forty One

 Jay watched some cartoons with Madison to help her wind down and feel normal next to him again.  We told her Beth said hi, and that she did Jay’s x-rays just like he did Madison’s.  After we put her to bed, we headed there ourselves.  “Long night...” I said.  Jay looked like he was going to say something, and laughed.  “What?”

 “I was going to say ‘worst night ever’, but it isn’t.”  He smiled at me, and gingerly took his shirt off.

 “It’s not?  What was, then?” I asked with a lump in my throat that formed when I saw the giant bruise on his left side.

 “There’s been plenty that could fit that description.  Probably any of the ones where I laid awake trying to go to sleep alone, listening to that lady scream at her kid.  I think being with you means the worst nights of my life are over.  Even with all of this,” he indicated his injuries, “I’m happier than I ever was before, because in the end, here I am with you.”

 I blushed, and couldn’t think of what to say.  “What did you want to ask me, earlier?”

 “Oh, that reminds me.  Hang on...”  Half naked he went to his room, coming back with two of his copies of the Gita.

 “Going to read to me?”

 “No, I’m going to sleep on what you asked me.  I have the answer, but I can’t really vocalize it right now.  If I can find a quote in here, it’ll help.”  We got undressed and climbed into bed together.  “What I wanted to ask you is also hard to put correctly.  If it doesn’t make sense I’ll try to elaborate.”

 “Okay, what is it?”

 His countenance became troubled.  “What did you...  See, when I was in that fight?”

 “You mean...  What was I thinking?”

 “Yeah, that works.”

 As I talked I stroked his arms and chest, unsure of who I was meaning to comfort.  “I hated it.  I was afraid you were going to get hurt.  Well, part of me was.  I had a deep feeling that they were going to regret starting anything.”

 “Was there no measure of satisfaction, seeing Earl on the ground like that?”

 I thought about how to put that for a moment.  “I can’t say there was no measure,” I admitted.  “I mean the man’s been tormenting me for six years, he crushed my dreams.  For awhile, anyway...  But overall?  No, I’m not happy about it.”

 “Why?”  He seemed glad to hear it.

 I snuggled closer to him.  “Jay, I know how much it meant to you, to have never hit anybody.  I hate that you had to lose that, especially on my account.  I love you more than ever tonight, and it’s not because I liked seeing you beat up a bunch of men, even though I despise them.  It’s because of the sacrifice you made for me, and for Madison.”

 With a sigh, he seemed to settle into the bed, more relaxed.  “I feel even closer with you, now...  I was hoping you’d say something like that.  You said it even better than I’d hoped.  When we’re together, sometimes the way you look at me makes me feel like you ‘get’ me.  I always get that feeling when we’re making love.  Now I know for sure.  You’re right, I do feel like I lost something.  I have no regrets, though.”

 “They didn’t give you much of a choice, did they...”  Something else came back to me.  “Jay, before Earl said anything about coming over here after, were you going to let them beat you up?”

 “I was thinking about it.  I don’t know.  I wasn’t sure they would have known when to quit.  They were drunk, and I’m sure they were on something else.  Who knows what...”

 “Did it mean that much to you, the fact that you’ve never hit anybody?  So much that you’d rather not defend yourself?”

 “It’s not like I’ve never been hit, Laura.  Black belts beat the s**t out of each other in class.  I know what that’s like, I’ve been there before.  Now, me hitting someone with the intent to hurt them...  That’s foreign territory.  Or, it was...”

 I tried to comfort him with a smile.  “Are you still afraid you’ll see it as a solution from now on?”

 “Hell no,” he laughed with relief, and looked at me.  “You’re a really good listener, you know that?”

 “No, I just like listening to you.”

 “So, what do you think Earl’s going to do about the car?”

 I started to slide my hand lower.  “Nothing, tonight.”  I started kissing his neck.

 “I can’t, Laura.  I can’t hold myself up.”

 “Then lay there and relax,” I whispered.  “I’ll take care of you.”  I climbed on top of him and made love to him, being as gentle as he always was with me.  I was glad to see him get some restful sleep afterward.

----

 I couldn’t bear to let Jay wake up alone after what he’d done for me, and called in again the next morning.  Patty had talked Frank out of writing me up last time, so I knew I had two strikes left.

 He was still asleep when my doorbell rang around ten.  “Mariah!  Shh!” I said as I hurried to answer it.  I was expecting it to be Anne fishing for more information, but I looked through the peephole to find Beth standing there with a troubled expression.  I opened the door for her.  “Beth, aren’t you working later?  What’s wrong?”

 She came in clutching some folded sheets of paper.  “Is Jay still asleep?”

 “Yeah, he...  Had a rough night.”

 She didn’t smile at the joke.  “Can I sit?”

 “Of course,” I said, starting to worry.  “Are you alright?”

 “I am, I just have some bad...  Well, some news.  I...”  She stopped and took a breath.  “I don’t know how to say it, so here.”  She flattened the papers out and pushed them across the table to me.  The top one was a breaking news article she’d printed out.

 I paled as I read it.  I recognized a name from the images she’d shown us the night before.  “That guy...  Died?”  Jay killed someone?

 “I heard a bit more than the article talks about.  He had a heart attack in surgery, and when they did the autopsy they found cocaine in his system.  They were in a hurry to get him into the operating room because his airway was at risk, and they couldn’t see the full extent of his injuries on his scan.  So they just took his word when he said he wasn’t taking any medication or drugs...  There was a complication with the anesthesia and well...”  Her eyes started to tear, and she sniffled.  I handed her a tissue.  “Thank you...”

 “So, Jay didn’t exactly kill him, then?”

 Beth shook her head, and blew her nose.  “Not even close.  The guy would’ve had some nasty scars on his face, but no way he’d have died from that.  Unless he aspirated too much of his own blood, anyway.  That was why they were in such a hurry.”

 “Beth?  Why are you so upset?  Did you know him?”

 She was quick to shake her head again.  “No, it’s just...”  She pointed and I flipped to the next sheet, which had some obituaries with one of them circled.

 “A wife and three kids...” I said.  I was sad for a split second, then started to get furious.  I wonder how he treated his wife.  And one of those kids is a little girl...

 “I’m thinking about Jay, really.  He doesn’t deserve to have this on his conscience, not when he was just defending himself from a knife attack.”

 I sighed heavily.  Just tell her.  “I’ll make him feel better, for sure.”

 “I was hoping...  I’d tell him myself just so he knows it was the anesthesia, but he loves you, Laura.  I think hearing it from you would soften the blow a lot.”

 “It’s not just that...”  Damn you...  You have a wife and kids and you’re out doing coke and getting into knife fights.  “Beth, Jay wasn’t even sure he was going to fight back, until Earl threatened to...  Invite the guys over here after.  With me.”  I gave her a moment to take my meaning.  “This guy,” I tapped the obituary, “had the same lustful look come over his face as the rest when he said that.  Only, unlike the others, he wasn’t looking at me.”

 “Who was...” she started, then looked horrified.  “Oh my god!  What?”

 “Don’t feel sorry for him, Beth.  I sure don’t.  I don’t know what he was to his family, but...  I’m not going to concern myself with it.  I can’t afford to.”  In spite of my harsh words, I started to cry myself.  “Damn it!  Now those kids don’t have their daddy!  And it’s not Jay’s fault, I only hope I can convince him of that.  The man’s gone because he’s a violent, lying piece of s**t.  God, I hope they care about him like I care about Earl.”

 “It isn’t so easy to not concern yourself, is it?” Beth asked in a voice full of understanding.  “Well, it’s pretty much up to our imaginations, why not just assume it’s like you said?  I can’t say for sure, it sure as hell isn’t my place or anything I can imagine, but I’m going to assume they’re better off without him.  That’s all I can do.  Does anybody need a father or husband like that?”

 “Jay didn’t kill him,” I said quietly, reminding myself.

 “No, he didn’t,” Beth said authoritatively.  She sighed, and put her hand over mine.  “Are you sure you don’t mind me putting this on you, Laura?”

 “I’d like to tell him myself, actually.  Not that I’ll enjoy it, but he...  Listens to me.”

 For the first time since she’d arrived, Beth smiled.  She dried her eyes one last time.  “You should see him when he talks about you at work.  He gets all googly-eyed and his voice...”  She trailed off with a laugh.  “Thank you, Laura.”

 “Thanks for coming over.  Want some coffee or anything?”

 “No thanks, I’ll get going.  Tell him I said I hope he feels better.”

Reviews

[Sarah]

"I feel even closer with you, now..."
Something about the comma in this line threw me off. I feel like there shouldn't be one at all. Made me go back and read the line again.

The death shocked me a little. Wasn't expecting it so good job of keeping the reader on their toes. I like how Laura doesn't really care about the guy, although I would like more sympathy about the kids. She does feel bad, but perhaps she could pity the father more. Say something like "I wish those kids had a real father." I don't know, something more.

I also expected Beth to be more persistent with telling Jay, but I guess it does make sense that he listens to Laura more.

Just the subtle line about Jay getting googly-eyed made me smile. Something so effortless, but so meaningful to the story. That's great writing.

[Christopher Miller]

That is all very helpful, thank you very much. I have agonized over comma placement, in all of my proofreads. It's one of the hardest things to do in your own work.
I'll see about expanding her reaction to the guy dying. At least as far as the kids are concerned.