Chapter Thirty Two

 Jay came home looking frustrated the next night.  Madison was quick to give him a hug and kiss after he admitted to her he’d had a rough day.  “I can understand why Beth was so willing to trade shifts for the week,” he said.  “Those day people...”

 “What did they do now?” I asked.

 He sat with a sigh, and Madison climbed into his lap.  “I got stuck in the OR again.  I spent my whole day getting screamed at, and my back is killing me from wearing lead all day.  I’m a little guy, twenty pounds is a lot to add.”

 “Who was supposed to be there?”

 “Care to guess?”

 “Alyce?”

 “Yep.  Whatever...  I’m home,” he said, hugging Madison.

 “Can we take Mariah to the park, Jay?” she asked.

 Mariah’s ears perked up, and she was at the door immediately.  That was another word she had come to learn.  “Well, now that she heard you say that I don’t think we have much of a choice, do we?” Jay said, talking to Madison but smiling at me.  That was a trick Madison had learned, which we played oblivious to.

 Madison shook her head with a victorious smile that she tried to hide.  “Nuh-uh.”

 “Coming, Mommy?” he asked me.

 “Helping with dinner?”  I bit back adding ‘Daddy’.

 “Deal.”

 After playing at the park and eating dinner, Jay and I sat on the love seat with Madison sitting in his lap, Mariah jealously curled up at his feet.  We were watching a movie he’d thought Madison would like, and so far he was right.

 I heard the same engine that I thought I’d been hearing driving by, and my suspicions were confirmed.  I heard it pull into my driveway, the engine racing before being shut off.  I started to panic.  “Oh my god, that’s him!”

 “Relax,” Jay said.  “Remember what to do.”

 “Madison, could you go upstairs please?”

 “But I want to see what happens...”

 I paused the movie.  “We’ll finish it later,” I said hurriedly.  “Just go!  Take Mariah.”

 The two pounded up the stairs, as I saw Earl’s silhouette approach through the shades.  “Want me to get the door?” Jay asked, just as it flew open.

 Earl moved quickly toward me, a threatening hunch in his posture.  Jay stood to get in his way.  “The f**k do you want, cowboy?” Earl demanded as he shoved at Jay.  Jay sank a bit in his stance, and didn’t budge.

 “Well jeez, Earl...  You scared me, I guess.”

 Earl looked Jay up and down.  “Scared you?” he scoffed.

 “There was a second there, I thought for sure you were going to hit her.”

 “Heh.  Relax, pal.  I ain’t gonna f****n’ hit ’er.  Sit your a*s down.”  Jay snorted and moved to stand next to my side of the love seat, leaning against the wall with his arms folded.  Earl regarded him further for a moment before deciding it wasn’t worth it.  “Babe, we gotta talk.  I ain’t happy.”

 “I don’t care, Earl.”

 “Yeah well, you better.  See, I was jokin’ with the fellas about this runt that moved in with you, thinkin’ no big deal, right?  Next thing I know, they’re makin’ fun of me for it!  Tellin’ me you’re cheatin’ on the father of yer child.  It’s even worse ’cause I’d already explained what a pansy he is!  This whole thing’s blowin’ my rep, babe.  He’s gotta go.”

 I couldn’t decide which part of all of that was most the ridiculous, but my mind went blank with rage as it raced trying to figure it out.  “Earl, I don’t care!  I wouldn’t even be in this situation if you hadn’t stolen all of my goddam money!” I yelled.

 His voice rose to outdo mine.  “What the f**k, babe?  You never even gave me a chance to make it right!”

 “The hell I didn’t!  I told you I was going to lose my house, and you slapped me!”

 “When did you ever just ask me for help, huh?  You never said you were gonna lose the house after that!  I thought you were just foolin’ around, rich b***h that you were!”

 “I was afraid to, Earl!”

 “You mean you were too stupid!  If money’s all this is about, I’ll give you some god damn money!”  He pulled out a giant roll of bills and whipped several hundreds at me, one at a time.  “Here, take it!  Just get rid of him!”

 I stood and tried to hand the money back to him, but he wouldn’t take it.  “I’m not taking your money, Earl.  It’s too late.  Way too late!”

 “Babe, he ain’t no good for you!  Just look at him!”  I did, wondering why he wasn’t helping like he promised.  He was still leaning against the wall, wearing a thin smile.  “Nothin’ but a p***y!  Look at him standing there.  You ain’t gonna do s**t, are ya buddy?”

 Jay only looked at him.

 “Yeah, thought so.”  Earl turned back to me, and snatched the money from my hand.  “Babe, you had better figure somethin’ out, before I have to.  That’s a warning.”  He stormed out, slamming the door behind him.  After a bunch of engine noises, I heard his car speed off.

 I was numb with disbelief.  After all of Jay’s reassurances that he’d be behind me, he’d just stood there while Earl yelled at me and called me names!  “Thanks for all your help!” I snapped at him.

 His face darkened.  “And just what did you want my help with?” he asked quietly, but then his voice began to rise.  “A bunch of yelling about who did what?  ‘Get out of my house, Earl.  Get out of my life, Earl.’  Where was that?  I’m not going to jump into the middle of a shouting match about nothing.”  Now he was full-on yelling, and not the short bursts of volume he used to spur us into action in the basement.  He was scaring me.  “Tell him to get the f**k out of your house!  If he says no, then I can do something!  I asked you for one thing, one thing!  All you had to do was say that you wanted him gone, and you didn’t!”

 I was crying.  “I...  I couldn’t think of it...”

 “Yeah!  And I know why!”

 “Why?” I asked without thinking.

 “Because it’s not true,” he said in a low, unbelievably nasty tone.  His fist was clenched and I could see the muscles in his arm twitching.  I had the feeling he wanted to put a fist through my wall.  He didn’t.  Taking advantage of my stunned silence, he left the room.

 I broke down into hysterical sobs.  He’d made the whole thing sound like my fault.  It’s not my fault!  He was supposed to have my back, and he just stood there!  Damn!  Everything was so perfect, and now this!  Is life ever going to be fair, just for once?

 Madison must have heard most of what went on.  Her door opened and Mariah bolted down the stairs.  I figured she’d run to Jay’s room, but she hopped up next to me on the love seat, smothering my face with dog kisses before settling next to me with a canine grunt.  “Thanks, girl,” I said through my tears.

 “Mommy?” Madison called from the top of the stairs.

 I sniffed.  “Yes, baby?”

 “Is the bad man gone?”

 “He’s gone, sweetie.  You can come down.”

 Madison was crying, too.  “Why was Jay yelling at you, Mommy?”

 “Maddie...  Could you get Mommy a tissue?”

 She read my mind, and brought me the box.  I blew my nose and blotted my tears, and Madison sat on my leg that wasn’t occupied by Mariah’s head.  “Jay’s not mad at you, is he?”

 I nodded and wiped at my nose.  “I’m afraid so, sweetie.”

 “How come?”

 I forced a deeper breath, noticing how control of my diaphragm muscles had improved with my training.  “I was supposed to tell that mean troll to get out of my house, the next time he came over.  Instead, I just got in a fight with him.”

 “Aren’t you supposed to fight trolls?”

 I shook my head.  “That’s what trolls like.  They like fighting.”  I sighed.  “So Jay’s mad at Mommy because he still thinks I secretly like the troll.”

 “You don’t though!” Madison said adamantly.  “Do you?”

 “No, sweetie.”

 “How come he thinks you do, then?”

 “Because I did what the troll wanted, even though I didn’t mean to.”

 “But you don’t fight with people you like, Mommy!  You’re nice to them!  That’s what princesses do.  You’re not nice to the troll, you’re nice to Jay.”

 It was so simple in her mind...  I lapsed into thought, and my tears started coming back.  I asked Madison to go back upstairs, and silently she obliged me.

 She’s right.  How can Jay think I enjoyed what just happened?  After everything he’s said over the last few days about trusting me!  Was it all lies?  No, I knew Jay was no liar.  He did trust me.  Why had that fallen apart so quickly?  There’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?  Blocking how he’d terrified me with his yelling from my mind, I walked down the hall and knocked softly on his door.  He didn’t answer.  He’s never refused to talk to you...

 I knocked louder, and still he didn’t answer.  I tried his door, and it opened.  I found him laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling listening to headphones plugged into his laptop.  They were loud, I could hear the music from the doorway.  “Jay?”  He didn’t hear me.  When he felt me sit on the edge of his bed, he sat up and took his headphones off and unplugged them.  Music blared from the laptop’s speakers for a second before he turned it down.  It was really pretty, I was glad he left it going.

 “Hey,” he said quietly.

 “Hey...” I said, and we fell silent.  “I like this, it’s very soothing.”

 “Yeah...  It’s from a video game, of all things.”

 Neither of us really wanted to sit there making small talk.  I started to get closer to the point.  “You seem to have calmed down quick...”

 He looked away.  “I told you, I think fast.  And I don’t like being angry.”

 I knew he wasn’t proud, but I couldn’t help telling him.  “You scared Madison, yelling like that.”

 He sighed, and nodded.  “I’ll apologize.”

 “You scared me, too,” I admitted.  “Jay...  I don’t think you’re being fair,” I said, my voice breaking.

 He laid back down, and folded his hands behind his head.  “Tell me, Laura.  What does a dog do when it feels threatened?”

 “Well...  It shows its teeth.  It raises its hackles...”  I took his meaning.  “Jay, you can’t be afraid of Earl.  He’s bigger than you, sure, but...”

 He gave a plaintive laugh.  “It’s not Earl I’m afraid of, Laura.  It’s you.”

 That made me pause in surprise for a moment.  “Me?”

 “Come here,” he said, rolling on his side and lifting an arm.

 I felt tears flowing again, this time from relief that he had gotten control of his anger and was back to his soft-spoken, gentle self.  I crawled in next to him, pulling his arm around me.  “How can you be afraid of me?”

 “What’s Earl going to do, beat me up?  I wouldn’t care if he did.  You have the power to hurt me, Laura.  More than anyone else in the world, right now.  I’ve let you in.  You’re close to me and I care about you.  Seeing you let Earl stand there, yelling at you and calling you names, just about killed me.”

 I spoke softly when I said, “Seeing you let him do that just about killed me.  Why didn’t you speak up, or do something?”

 He squeezed my arm thoughtfully, and started stroking my hair.  “I have to tread carefully with that one.  Believe me, it would have been easy to hit him.  I had to lock every muscle in place to stop myself.  I think that’s what he wanted.  Laura, if I get arrested for assault...  That’s another way to lose my license.  I don’t just lose my job when that happens, I can never do my job anywhere ever again.  I worked hard for it, and it’s now keeping us all supported.  If he threw a punch at me, or refused to leave, sure.  Until then...”  He sighed as he took the tie out of my hair, and started running his fingers through it.  “Why didn’t you just tell him to get out, Laura?”

 “My mind just went completely blank...  Jay, that man had been demeaning and belittling me for the last six years.  And I’m afraid of him.  Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

 “Actually, yes.”

 I wanted to know more.  I drew away from him to look at him, and we ended up sitting next to each other with our backs against the wall.  “You do?  Who did it?  An old girlfriend?”

 He shook his head.  “My old martial arts mentor.  I was only fourteen when I started, and he became almost like another father figure.  He was another person who I let in, and he took advantage of that.  He was so nice, up until I was teaching for him full-time.  Fifty hour weeks, when there wasn’t something extra going on.  I was getting about two dollars an hour, plus a tiny commission for signing people up.  I didn’t care, I wasn’t in it for money.  What I did mind was the verbal abuse.

 “Nothing I ever did was good enough.  I brought a child who had developmental issues up to the same level as the rest of the class.  Just by giving him some honest attention.  You would never have been able to pick him out as different.  I told him about it, and the guy didn’t care.  Nothing I did ever mattered.  The only time he was ever happy was when I signed someone up, and that would last about five minutes.  He really preferred yelling at me.  There was one day I knew it was coming the second he walked in.  He was mad about something that had nothing to do with me.”

 He laughed and added, “Maybe his wife didn’t feel like putting out.  Whatever it was, I was glad I had the place looking so spotless.  Even with his proverbial white glove, he couldn’t find anything wrong.  Reluctantly, he took me into the office so we could talk business.  Then he stopped when he found dust on top of the picture frames.  He spent two hours yelling at me for it, and everything else I’d ever done wrong.  I timed it.  Ironically, one of the things he scolded me for was that he didn’t have time to be yelling at me for something so stupid...”

 He trailed off, and I thought about what he said.  “I’m still not over it, really,” he continued.  “And my job now isn’t helping.  They know I’m insecure, and they use it to make me do whatever they want.  So when I’m asked about doing three shifts in a row...  Sure I will.  And this all happened years ago, and I only put up with it for one year.  So yes, I can understand where you’re coming from, to a point at least.  I know Earl’s been in your life even longer, he’s much worse, and it’s not in the distant past...”  He put his head on my shoulder.  “I’m sorry I yelled...  It’s like the second you said anything other than ‘get out’, I gave up prematurely.”  He shrugged, and turned his hands out.  “I never claimed to be brave, Laura.  I’m scared to death of being hurt by you.”

 “You hurt me too, you know...  I thought you had more faith in me.”

 He put his arm around me.  “I do.  I was being stupid.  Guys do that.  Forgive me?”

 “Will you trust me next time?  I promise, the first words out of my mouth will be ‘get out’.  Just give me one more chance.”

 “I trust you.”

 “I forgive you...  Now, could you go talk to Madison before she goes to bed, and let her know you’re not turning into a mean old troll yourself?”

 He gave an appreciative laugh, kissed me, and got up to talk to her.  Before he went through the door he turned and said, “Don’t pressure yourself.  You’re trying to stand up to him, it takes a lot, and you’re new at it.  You’re absolutely right, I wasn’t being fair.  Even if it’s not next time, I know you’ll make it clear to him.  And I’ll still be behind you.”

 I stood and hugged him.  “I love you, Jay.”

 “I love you, too.”

 He went to go talk to Madison, and I went downstairs to sharpen my claws a little more.

Reviews

[Sarah]

I liked this. The interaction between Laura and Earl was very realistic. The way he belittled her. I was shocked as to why Jay wasn't doing anything. During the scene, I wasn't even sure that Jay was angry, so he held his composure very well. I think this scene was done very well, but I'm just wishing she had found the courage to tell Earl off. Next time for sure!