Chapter Thirty

 With a mix of anxiousness and dread I began the wait for Earl’s next visit.  I could no longer bury him in my consciousness as I used to.  Unpleasant as that fact was, I took it as a good sign.  I had been running for too long, I realized.  A few days passed.  I couldn’t be sure, but sometimes when Jay was at work I thought I heard Earl’s car going by.

 Apart from that, life returned to normal.  Equilibrium might be a better word, since I was still not used to having a man in the house.  A kind, gentle, understanding man.  Things were better than normal, outside of my dark sense of foreboding.

 One morning, Madison noticed Jay coming from my room to use the bathroom.  She stared down the empty hallway thoughtfully.  When she saw him go into my room again, she almost made me drop my coffee.  “Is Jay going to be my daddy now, Mommy?”

 I was glad I wasn’t having a sip at that moment.  “What makes you ask that, Maddie?” I tried to ask as cooly as possible.

 “Nevaeh said a man started sleeping in her mommy’s room and that now he’s her daddy...”

 “Well...”  I didn’t know if it was better that Jay wasn’t around for this one, or not.  I didn’t want to say anything he’d disapprove of, but I knew the question would have about given him a heart attack.  “I guess...  We’re working that out.  There’s a lot of things to figure out.  Please don’t ask him that, alright?  If we ever figure it out, we’ll tell you.”

 “Mommy...  Why don’t I have a daddy?”

 I had to sit.  “Sweetie...  Every little girl has a daddy somewhere...  It takes a man and a woman to make a baby.”

 “I do have a daddy?  Already?”  I nodded, my face going numb.  “Where?”

 It was hard.  I’d always told myself I would tell her the truth when she was old enough to ask.  Maybe I thought the day would never come.  If I hadn’t told Jay while looking him in the eye that I would be honest with her, I might not have had the strength.  “I can tell you, Madison.  I need you to be a big girl about it, alright?”

 “Did he bail on us?”

 Well, that helps.  “Where did you hear those words before?”

 “Carson said his daddy bailed.”  Madison’s eyes started to tear up.  “Does my daddy hate me too, Mommy?”

 “Oh, Maddie...  Come here.”  I pushed my chair back so she could sit on my lap.  She leaned into me sideways, and I stroked her hair as I tried to explain.  “He can’t hate you, he’s never met you.  It was Mommy he didn’t like.  It’s not your fault at all, so don’t cry.”

 “Why didn’t he like you?”

 I had a moment of bitter silence as every reason he ever gave flooded my mind.  “He didn’t think I was pretty,” I said simply.

 “But you are pretty, Mommy!  I even know ’cause Jay says so too!”

 I smiled.  “Jay doesn’t see things the same way as your daddy.”

 “What’s his name?”

 “Earl,” I said, the name putting a bitter taste in my mouth.  I sipped my coffee to rid myself of it.

 “That’s a dumb name,” she said.

 I chuckled.  “It sure is.”

 “Mommy...  If my daddy was still here, could he have kept the mean troll away?”

 My face reddened.  Can’t go back now...  “Madison...  That troll...”  I sighed.  “Listen carefully, alright?  Sometimes, your daddy gets...”  Drunk?  Let’s keep this simple.  “Gets in a mood where he thinks Mommy is pretty again.  Then he comes over.  He’s...”  I drew a ragged breath.  “He’s an awful man, and I couldn’t stand to tell you who he was.  So, when you asked me about some noises you heard one night, I told you an ugly troll had come over.  But it was your daddy.”

 “No!”  Madison pushed against my chest so hard she flew off of my lap, landing awkwardly and having to catch herself.

 “Maddie...”

 “No!  I’m a princess, Mommy!  You told me!  I can’t have an ugly troll as a daddy, or an awful man!  You’re a princess too, and princesses can’t make babies with bad men!  They can’t!”

 “Maddie, please listen...”  She wasn’t.  Sobbing, she ran stomping to her room and slammed the door, opening it to admit Mariah when she went up and scratched.

 Jay came out.  “Hey...  Everything alright?”

 I felt my eyes stinging, and went into the comfort of his arms.  “No.”

 He held me and caressed my back until I settled some.  “Well?” he asked gently.

 “Well, I kept my promise.  Madison asked about her dad.  Actually, first she asked if you were going to be her daddy.”

 “Oh boy.  How did you answer that?”

 “I tried brushing it off...  I told her that takes a long time to figure out.  I couldn’t say yes, and...”  I looked down.  “I couldn’t bring myself to say no.”  I looked back up at him.  “I hope that’s alright.”

 He gave me an encouraging smile.  “Then what?”

 “I told her a bit about Earl, and admitted that he’s the troll.  I can’t imagine what’s running through her head right now.”  Outside, the bus honked.  Brushing away my tears, I opened the door and waved the driver on before I realized what I was doing.  “Oh, god, the time...  I’ll never find a babysitter, and I can’t call in!  Not again, I’m on thin ice as it is.”

 “I can watch her, if you like.”

 “Jay, I can’t ask you to do that.  I won’t be home in time for you to work.”

 “I’ll call and say I’ll be there at four instead of three.”  He forced a laugh for me.  “It might do some good.  Working right up till four might just kill one of our senior techs.”

 “You would do that for me?”

 “Knock it off,” he said humorously, and rubbed my arm.  “You want me to?”

 I nodded, and sniffed.  “Please.”

 We kissed.  “Go wash up,” he whispered with a smile.

----

 I went to work, leaving him with Madison’s booster seat in case he wanted to take her anywhere.  When I got home they were gone, leaving Mariah to greet me enthusiastically.

 He pulled in minutes later.  Madison ran up the driveway with some plastic bags, with him following carrying a box to match the others he’d packed his books in.  He hasn’t brought anything over for awhile...  “Mommy!”  Madison dropped the bags when she saw me sitting in the kitchen and ran to give me a hug.

 “Hey, sweetie.  Feeling better?”

 “Oh, yes, Mommy.  Well,” she became serious and asked, “Is it true that Earl isn’t my real daddy?”

 Jay had come inside just in time to catch that.  “I hope I’m not in trouble,” he said, setting the box down.

 “What did you tell her?” I asked with a smile, simply happy to see her in a better mood.

 Madison answered for him.  “He said just ’cause a man helps a woman make a baby, it doesn’t make him a daddy.  Is that true?”

 I looked at Jay for more of an explanation, and he reddened.  “What does make a real daddy, Madison?” he prompted.

 “Spending time with the baby!” she suddenly remembered.

 “You two have been doing some talking, I take it,” I said to Jay.

 “You don’t know the half of it.  This little girl,” he started.

 “Mommy?”

 “Yes, Maddie?”

 “Is it true,” she insisted.

 “It’s true,” I said with a measure of relief.  “Earl’s never been a real daddy to you.”

 “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

 “Well, you didn’t give me much of a chance this morning, did you?”

 Madison looked from me to Jay, and back.  “Oh yeah.  I’m sorry Mommy, that we had a fight.”

 I laughed, knowing where she got the idea to say that as well.  “It’s alright, sweetie.  You were upset.  We both were.  Hugs?”  She hugged me again.  “Come on, I’ll get you a snack.”

 “Doesn’t Jay need help?”

 “I can help him.”  I got her something, and followed Jay outside.  “Stop,” I said.  He turned to me.  “Alright, what happened?”

 He walked back to me, and we sat on my porch.  “I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds in saying that.”

 “What did you say?”

 He shrugged.  “What she told you, pretty much.”

 “That a real daddy is someone who spends time with a child...  Were you by chance talking about yourself?”

 He shook his head hastily.  “No, no.  She mentioned that we’d been doing that.  I said it had to be even more time.  I wasn’t trying to...  I just wanted Earl out of her mind, nothing more.”  He started to get red again, and I could tell he’d treaded on uncomfortable ground.  Just to make Madison feel better...

 I leaned in and kissed his cheek.  “You did perfect,” I said an inch from his ear.

 He laughed.  “Yeah well, so did she.”

 “How so?”

 “I remember still, saying you were filling that little girl with magic.  I think I spoke truer than I realized.  Let me back up.  Once she felt better about the Earl thing, she asked if he was really a troll.  I said yes.  It’s the truth, people actually use the word now for someone who makes others miserable for the sake of it.  She asked if she, and you, were real princesses then.”  He scooted closer, and held me.  “I meant it even more when I said that was true.  She asked if I was your knight in shining armor.  Then things got interesting.  I couldn’t help smiling when I told her I was a knight.”  He leaned in to nuzzle my neck with his nose.  “It brought back memories...”

 “Okay, then what?”

 “I said I’m a knight, but I wasn’t sure yet if I was your knight.  But that you had rescued me from an evil witch.  In so many words, I told her about my neighbor.  I casually mentioned that a lot of my things are over there still and she asked why I hadn’t gone to get them.”  He laughed.  “She asked if I was afraid of the witch.  I said I was, a little, but it didn’t matter because I was still paying for the place I’m not even using.  Well, then your five year old scolded me.”

 “Oh, no...”

 “Oh, yes.  ‘Jay,’ she said, ‘You tell her right now she can’t have any more of your money!’  I explained how I sort of promised I’d keep giving it to the witch, not wanting to get into leases and landlords.  She said I didn’t have to keep a promise to a mean old witch, and that got my wheels turning.  What the hell, I thought, and I called the landlord on the offensive.  I said he could keep my security deposit and tear up my lease, or I could see him in court for not providing a livable place.  I’m not the first tenant he’s lost to this woman.  He also hasn’t done anything at all as a landlord.  There had been a squirrel living in the ceiling, scratching away all the time.  I still heard it when we went over there, Madison thought it was hilarious.  Anyway, there was even more.  In short, he agreed!  If the place is ready to rent by the end of the week, I don’t pay another month.”

 “Jay...  That’s wonderful!”

 He shook his head in wonder and stood, offering me his hand.  I took it and stood, and we each grabbed another box.  “It is, but do you realize your daughter, who is in kindergarten, inspired me to do it all in the first place?  She saved me a few grand, easy.  It’s crazy...  So after the conversation with my landlord...”  As he got the door for me he specified, “My other landlord, I asked if she’d help move.  She was nervous about the witch, but I said she couldn’t work her magic if you don’t look at anyone or talk to anyone.  We made a good couple of trips while you were gone.”

 Inside, we set the boxes down.  “Mommy, can I play outside with Mariah?” Madison asked.

 “Go ahead, sweetie,” I told her.  “How much is left at the apartment?” I asked Jay.

 “Not so much you and I couldn’t get the rest tonight...” he hinted.  “If...”

 I silenced him with a hand on his arm.  “I’ll help you.  Wait, what about work?”

 He smiled.  “Beth’s being awesome.  She traded all my shifts for the week so I can work days.  I finally explained why I was so mopey at work, and she understood.  She doesn’t want you to be home alone when he stops by again.  She sends her love, by the way.”

 I smiled.  I’d have to make that up to her, somehow.  “What about Madison?”

 “To be honest, the empty seat would be useful.  Do you think she could go to the neighbor’s, or that she could come over here?”

 “I’d feel better if she were over there.  We are still expecting a...  Visitor.  But yes, it’s fine.  I’d love to help you.”  I hugged him.  “Oh, I’m so glad.  I’ve felt awful that you were paying for two places.”

 He laughed and hugged me back before we went outside for one last trip.  “I feel like I owe Madison a cut.”

 I shook my head.  “No.  You’ve given her your love.  There’s nothing else she would want more than that, believe me.”

Reviews

[Sarah]

Beautifully done. I was wondering when Madison was going to ask about her father, and I think it was handled in the most realistic way possible. I think it's sweet that Laura and Jay continue to fill that little girl with fairy tales and magic even in a real life situation.

Eagerly awaiting Earl's next arrival and I feel as though it will be soon. Great chapter.