Chapter Eight

 Jay smiled, but kept his eyes closed.  “Did your parents read you fairy tales?”

 “Of course, and it turned me into a hopeless romantic.”  I regretted exposing myself like that for a moment, but he’d already admitted to me the entire female staff he worked with thought he was a bad lover.

 “Oh, so they made you feel things.”

 “Yes.”

 He lifted his head again to look at me.  “Were those feelings real?”

 “Well...  They were wrong.”

 He shook his head.  “Did you really feel something, or not?”

 “Yes...”

 “Now, how can something that doesn’t exist cause a reaction?  Simple logic, here.”

 “They never happened...”

 “They did.  They happened inside of you.  They changed you, they shaped you.  In that respect, they’re real.  They might not have happened in our shared reality, but an event experienced is an event occurred, in some circles.”

 He sure was an interesting person to talk to.  To sit there and listen to a grown man defend the importance of fairy tales...  “I’m still waiting for the part where this becomes helpful.”

 “I never let go of my imagination, and it serves me to no end.  I can daydream anything with enough intensity to feel as if it happened.  The same thing happens to an even stronger degree when I read.  I can put myself into any world, and any mood I want to.  When I snap out of it, I still feel as if I’d just been there.  That’s because the chemical state of my body has changed.  Our bodies react to imagined scenarios just as much as real ones, sometimes even more.  Can you see how that could be used as a tool?”

 After some thought, I nodded.  “It could be a great escape...  But there’s still always real life to deal with.  Reading a story isn’t going to change the fact that I’m about to lose my house.”

 “No.  But it can still change how you feel about it.  That may be more important than you think.”

 “I think it’s important...  I know your emotions can affect your health.”

 “Your health, outlook, behavior, decisions...  It changes everything.  At our age, it’s an important tool.  At her age,” he stroked Madison’s hair again, “it’s just nice to live in a world of fantasy.  Okay, so you’ve filled her head with things that didn’t happen in ‘real life’.  Has it hurt her in any way?  All I see is a wonderful, energetic, thoughtful little girl.  I’ll switch the burden, how would you defend keeping the stories out of her life, and having her learn about how harsh reality can be as early as possible?”

 “I wouldn’t.”

 He grinned.  I was glad to see he was enjoying the conversation as much as I was.  “Then what made you say you feel like you’re doing her a disservice?”

 I shrugged.  “Being a single mother and doubting myself all the time, I guess.  I suppose the argument I hear in my head all the time would be that she’ll end up stronger, better able to deal with real situations and get ahead of her competitors.”

 “There’s no end to competitors, trying to get to the top will wear you to death.  And strength?  I don’t know about you, but I’ve drawn great strength from thinking about stories I’ve read or heard.  In addition, this little one isn’t lacking strength in the slightest, that I can see.”

 “That’s all very nice to say, thank you,” I said.

 We were thoughtful for a bit, sipping at our glasses.  “Have you read, or seen ‘The Neverending Story?’” he asked.

 “I’ve seen it.  I didn’t even know there was a book.”

 “That is a true story.  Well, more like a parable, about something that’s actually happening.”

 “You might have to refresh my mind a bit...”

 “The magical land, Fantasia, is disappearing because people don’t visit it anymore by using their imaginations.”

 Suddenly it all came back to me.  “And that’s really happening?”

 “Something like it.  Where do you think we go when we dream?”

 I shrugged.  “I always just thought of them as other worlds.”

 “Yes, other worlds.  But there isn’t some alternate set out there somewhere.  I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound so authoritative.  I don’t believe any of this, truthfully.  They’re just ideas I play with.  Anyway, it’s all in your head.  Constructs of your mind, like scientists have always said.  It used to bum me out.  I wanted them to be real.  Then I realized the place where they make their mistake is to then write them off as insignificant.  They couldn’t be more wrong.  They’re constructs, but now they say the same thing about the actual world we experience.  If everything is a construct, how are dreams or fiction any less significant?  There’s a whole universe in our own heads that we create as we go along, that we’re free to enter any time, and no one uses this outstanding ability anymore!  Do you know anybody who’s happy to just sit there and daydream?”

 I shook my head.  Only a younger version of myself.  “Where did you come up with all of this?” I asked in amazement.

 He laughed, stifling it when Madison stirred.  “I think I mentioned I read a lot.  I also think a lot.  Why do you ask, am I worrying you?”

 “You’re fascinating me,” I admitted with the help of my buzz.

 His eyes widened for a moment of surprise, and he looked away.  “Well, that’s...  Flattering.”

 “No, it isn’t.  I mean it.”

 “Well...  Now I’m glad you got me drunk.”  He looked back at me.  “I don’t get into this kind of thing very often.  Talking about stuff like this is usually why I never get a second date.”

 “If a girl doesn’t understand you, she doesn’t deserve you,” I said.

 The compliment made him laugh uncomfortably.  “But what do I deserve...” he said almost inaudibly.  I knew he didn’t mean for me to hear him.  As he looked pensively at his glass, I contemplated responding anyway, but he snapped himself out of it.  He started stroking Madison’s hair again as he talked.  “I’ve had a pretty hard few months.  I hate saying that with what I see my patients come in with sometimes, I mean some of them are at death’s door.  But the fact is I’ve been getting worn down.  When I just need a break, and life doesn’t offer one, sometimes all that’s left is retreat into that internal universe.  I’ve come out of it sometimes feeling like it’s saved my life.  Even if it isn’t complete, I usually feel refreshed in some measure.  Trust me please, you’re not doing Madison a disservice by reading her fairy tales.”

 I finished my last sip of wine.  I was tired, and as much as I would have loved to talk all night there was no denying our voices were dropping, our sentences becoming farther apart.  “I never really believed I was, or I wouldn’t do it.  Like I said, it’s just this one voice I hear sometimes.  Thank you, though.  That was all really nice to hear.”  You have no idea how nice...

 Jay nodded.  “You raise her to have a good imagination, and she’ll have a best friend who will never leave her.”  He finished his wine with a toss of his head.  “Wow, it’s not even eleven...”

 “What time do you usually turn in?”  I was getting tired myself, but was willing to stay up talking as long as he wanted.

 “Heh.  Usually...” he said to himself, as if amused by the word.  “I’m per diem at the hospital.  I work when they say I can, and I sleep when it comes.  But I work evenings more than anything, in which case I’d be leaving work in about half an hour from now.”  He yawned.  “Which is why it’s strange to be getting tired now.”

 “Aren’t you always tired?”

 “Alright, I’m getting sleepy.  That’s the one that doesn’t usually come so easily.”

 “Ready to turn in?” I asked with a mix of relief and regret.

 “I’d say so...”  He regarded Madison’s head in his lap.  “Oh, boy.  This is going to take all of my skill.”

 “She’s a deep sleeper,” I said.  “If you just manage not to toss her across the room, she’ll stay asleep.”

 He smiled and slid himself out from under her, lowering her head gently back down.  He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment once he was successfully freed.  “Alright.  Where do I lay my head?”

 “Come on,” I smiled.  I led him to the guest room, with Mariah following.  “The bed’s all set, do you need anything?”

 “I don’t think so,” he said.  “When do you need me out of here?  I can sleep pretty late, sometimes.”

 “I took tomorrow off,” I said.  “Sleep as late as you like.”

 He laughed uncertainly.  “Okay, but...  Wake me if you need to, alright?”

 “I will,” I said to humor him.  “Goodnight?”

 “Goodnight...”

 I had the impulse to kiss him goodnight, and reminded myself once again that this had not been a date.  Just business...  I started slowly walking down the hall to get Madison, and I heard Jay say, “Hey.”

 I turned back around quickly, then immediately asked myself what I was so excited for.  “Yes?”

 “Sweet dreams,” he said sincerely, looking into my eyes.  His door closed before I could reply.

 You too, I thought as headed down the hall again.  He had really meant it, to the point of being nervous to say it.  I got Madison upstairs, then retired to my room and undressed for bed, finding myself very aware that Jay would be sleeping right across the hall from me.  Sweet dreams?  Well, as long as I have your permission...  Jay had brought my attention to many long lost feelings and desires as we’d talked.  I indulged them without guilt, and without feeling silly.  Since just being around him had awakened them as well, I let myself fall asleep daydreaming about Jay being my knight in shining armor.

 I’m plagued by an evil troll named Earl.  I’m haunted by dragons that want to eat me up and steal my house.  Jay will realize he truly loves me, and he’ll slay them all.  Jay...  Save me, protect me...  Take me...  My imaginings took a more adult turn, and even that was free of the usual embarrassment caused by my constant self-monitoring.  I went so far as to let myself imagine he was at that moment having the same types of thoughts about me.  None of this was based on any expectation that this could happen.  I was simply enjoying the pleasure my mind was bringing me, just like Jay said he did.  Just like I used to myself, many years ago...

Reviews

[Jennie Lynn]

I agree with Sarah. Him mentioning never getting a second date would have set Laura off. Perhaps not to questioning him directly but it would have started her mind working on whether or not he considered it a date. Probably hours of internal debate would have been set off with just that single word lol.

I like where she had to urge to kiss him. It felt like a natural reaction for her. And the scene where's she's telling herself a story to put herself to sleep is my favorite so far. I do it every night. It made me like her a bit again lol

[Christopher Miller]

2/2 so far. I'll definitely work something in, it was a huge blind spot on my part. Her internal dialogue started writing itself once I saw her comment.

[Sarah]

I liked the introduction of this chapter. Yes, the conversation seems superficial, but I think female readers will overlook that because they're too busy imagining their own fairy tales, and taking in those words for more than just the conversation. They're focused on how fairy tales shaped them. How they were real to them. So props to you for that.

When Jay said the word date, I had pictured Laura to have some sort of reaction. I took it as though he thought of them on a date, and that was my first real glimpse of him having feelings for her. Everything else could've been seen as an attempt to be polite, but now! I was a little bummed when she didn't get excited or question him more!

I found the dialogue when they were talking about being tired a little off. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but it didn't feel smooth.

Anyways, interesting chapter. Little different than the others. Not sure if I like it or hate it! Haha, sorry if I sound a little harsh! I really do enjoy the story so far!

[Christopher Miller]

Wow, I never even thought of his comment like that. So much potential there... He was talking about difficulty with women in general, but that's not clear at all and there's no reason it should be for Laura. I'm going to modify that for sure... Somehow.
I feel like I should improve what he says about fairy tales, make it clearer and easier to read. But then he is drunk and speaking off the top of his mind.
I'll look at the bit toward the end. If it comes to you later on, what was off, please let me know.
Of all that you said, what would you like the least about this chapter?

[Sarah]

Jay just seems like the perfect man. Almost too perfect. Like I haven't really seen a flaw. But maybe that's just because Laura sees him like that. She could be blinded by his looks and his charm to see the truth. You really have so many angles you could take this. He could be something completely unexpected and she doesn't even see it.

It felt superficial, but that could also just be the wine speaking. It just felt too fairy tale, and maybe that is what you're trying to convey, but I think you could take this in a more realistic aspect. You should give it some thought. I don't even know if that makes any sense.

[Christopher Miller]

I struggled a lot with that 'perfect man' thing. On one hand I wanted some semblance of realism, on the other hand this is a romance novel, meant to be fantasy. At this point, she barely knows him and a lot of what she sees would be projected. I'm can say that he isn't so flawless as the story goes on.