Chapter Three

 The phrase ‘home sweet home’ always used to run through my mind when I pulled into my driveway.  I found myself trying to curb the habit.  If things continued the way they were, I was going to lose it.

 My house wasn’t a large one.  It had two stories, a bath and a half, and supposedly four bedrooms.  Those were so small I let Madison have the upstairs, while I took the downstairs.  Small as it was, affordable as my mortgage was, I couldn’t keep up with that along with the bills.  As I began getting Madison and the groceries inside, I started to think back to how I ended up in this fix.

 There would never have been a problem, if it hadn’t been for Earl.  No, there would never have been a problem if I’d known better than to go looking for men at bars.

 My parents died in a car accident right after my first semester in college, leaving just myself and my sister Sara.  We each received a sizable inheritance.  She was already into her second year of college when it happened.  She used her portion to pursue further education in addition to paying off her current loans, and bought a house.  Of course she did...  She was always the one who seemed to have it all together.  I never knew if it was because she was the older sister, or if she was just stronger than I was.

 While she dealt with the death of our parents by pursuing her studies even harder, I found alcohol to be much more convenient.  The day the money went into my bank account, I bought a bottle of vodka.  A few screwdrivers later, my grief was forgotten.  Better than forgotten really, because it was as if I could see my feelings sitting in front of me and still knew they couldn’t touch me.

 I passed several years doing nothing but drinking, and became a recluse.  I lost contact with many of my friends, straining my relationships with the rest.  The only person during that time that I could really depend on was Sara.  I felt awful for it, because I knew I was being a burden to her.  She wasted so much time and energy trying to get me to see what I was doing to myself.

 I was fortunate to have such a sister.  What I was doing to myself finally became clear to me when I woke up in a pool of my own vomit one morning.  Sara took the day off and made the forty minute drive to see me when that happened.  I stopped relying on the bottle that day, and she helped me find a counselor.  I faced my parents’ death at last, and started to move on with my life.

 On Sara’s suggestion, I bought a house.  By this point I was in my mid twenties.  When I asked her what I should do next, she laughed and asked what I wanted to do.  I hung up with her that night, and realized how lost I’d been the last several years.  I had no idea what I wanted out of life, having spent so much time desiring nothing but the pain of my loss to go away.

 After what I suppose could be called some soul-searching, I remembered my dreams from when I was a little girl.  I discovered I still wanted what I’d always wanted, to find my knight in shining armor and live happily ever after.  I translated it into the grown-up language of getting married and having a family, and knew what to look for next.  Unfortunately, the years many women have to explore relationships with men I had passed in a drunken blur.

 With no better idea, I started hitting bars.  I met Earl within a week.

 Everything should have been so obvious, in retrospect.  I knew the second I set foot inside, I was in the wrong type of place.  All eyes moved to take me in, and I was quickly ignored for the most part.  Earl left his group of snickering friends to come over, and started talking to me.

 I took us both back to my place, where I ended up getting drunk with him.  I got drunk in front of him, to be more accurate.  My loosened tongue spilled every little girl dream and insecurity I’d ever had.  I told him all about wanting nothing but to find the right man to raise a family with.  How I thought every woman was really a princess looking for her prince charming.  I told him I had money, and just needed to meet the right person to share my life with.  Only when I thought back over the conversation did I realize he’d done nothing to contribute to it, but merely listened with an occasional word or grunt of encouragement.

 When he knew everything there was to know about me he smiled, cupped my cheek softly, and said, “Baby, I’m your man.”  I still remember how wonderful his hand felt at that moment.  Oh, how bodies can deceive...

 I started sleeping with Earl regularly.  We never did formally discuss our relationship, but he promised me often that he would never leave me.  I never asked for more, which I attribute to my body’s joy at being touched by a man for the first time since my teens.

 Since it was easy enough, things went on like that.  I found out I was pregnant.  I was nervous about telling Earl, but he was wonderful.  He put his hand on my belly and went on about how proud he was.  He started staying the night.  Of the many warning signs I was oblivious to, he always brushed off my attempts to find out what he did for a living.  “I’m a contractor,” he would say dismissively, never offering any more information than that.

 Once my body started to change, Earl suddenly got a lot busier.  By the time I was seven months along, I knew I’d been had.  He rarely came around at all anymore.  Any questions about anything were always swept away with comments such as, “Oh, you know how it is.”

 Things turned ugly when I asked him about the money.  I was notified by a phone call that the check for my mortgage had bounced.  For the first time in a couple of months, I logged into my account from my computer.  My entire savings account had been transferred!  Gone into another account named ‘Ol’ Buddie’s Contracting’.  I called immediately and was told I had done it myself, from my own computer.

 I don’t know what I was expecting when I confronted Earl about it.  Why did I think catching him would give me the upper hand, when he hadn’t taken a single step to hide the fact that it was him?  Maybe I thought he would at least feel guilty.  No, he only looked at me for a moment, then burst into an infuriating laughter.  Here I was trying to get my savings account back, and he was making me feel as ridiculous as if all my yelling was about him buying me the wrong flavor of ice-cream.

 When he saw I wasn’t going to simply let him change the subject on this one, he shrugged.  “It’s gone babe, sorry.  There’s nothing else to say.”

 “I’m pregnant, Earl!  I need to have a house to bring our baby home to!  Give it back!”  I had never yelled at him before.  I realized I’d always been subconsciously afraid of him since the beginning.  I was about to become consciously afraid of him.

 He delivered a slap that dizzied me so badly I had to sit.  He bent over me with his hand on the back of my chair.  “I said, it’s gone.  That means I don’t got it, you hear?  And I ain’t got nothin’ to do with that baby.  If you’re that afraid you can’t take care of it on your own, get rid of it.”

 In that slap, I felt my whole world shift.  Everything had been so perfect a few months ago...  Now I was on my own, pregnant, with no money, no man, no help.  I put my hand on my belly, the hurt of him referring to my baby as an ‘it’ sinking in.  Madison started kicking, and I wondered how much of this she might be aware of.  “How could you do it...” I said, stunned.

 He laughed gently and rubbed my shoulder.  “Oh, don’t take it so hard, babe.  I’ll still stop by from time to time.  After all, I said I’d never leave you.”  That one phrase, when he’d first uttered it, sounded like all my dreams come true.  Now it sounded like he was putting a curse on me.

 I started crying.  “I have to pay my mortgage, Earl!  I have bills, what am I supposed to do?  I’ll have to take you to court.”

 He sucked air through his teeth.  “Ooh, I don’t know if you want to do that.”

 “Then give me a choice!  Give me my money back!”

 “Your choice is, forget you ever had that money, or go to court and make an a*s out of yourself.  I got lots of lawyer connections, believe me.  I’d recommend gettin’ yourself a job.”

 That started a whole other argument, which ended with him slapping me again in frustration.  In the end, I did take him to court.  He was well prepared with his story about being a contractor, who I’d hired with the knowledge he wouldn’t be able to begin work for a year or more.  He was so well-prepared, I had to wonder how many women he’d done this to already.

 It was a transparent story that the judge said out loud he could see right through, but Earl was telling the truth about having good lawyers.  His hands were tied, he said, and Earl was found not guilty.

 With a little help from Sara as well as social services, I was able to hold myself over until I got a job at the deli in Price Slashers, and barely squeezed by.  Unfortunately, as Madison grew so did her expenses.  I wasn’t at all sure how I was going to pay the bill for the doctor’s visit, not to mention the x-ray...

----

 I called Sara when everything was put away and Madison was asleep upstairs.  “Hey, sis.  How’s the little one?”

 I sighed.  “All I know so far is that she isn’t dying.”

 “You did know that beforehand, right?”

 “Yes, but now I know it officially,” I said dryly, annoyed with Madison’s pediatrician.  Then I thought of Jay.  “No, actually I know because I figured it out all on my own from looking at her x-ray.”

 Sara heard the humor in my voice.  “I know there’s a story you’re dying to tell me, what is it?”

 I told her about the doctor insisting on the x-ray, meeting Jay, and how he helped me at the end of the exam.  “He even made his day longer, doing that.”

 “So he put his license on the line to make you feel better?  Sounds like he likes you.  You got his number, right?”

 I rolled my eyes, sure she would be able to hear it on the other end.  “He was just being nice, Sara.”

 “Laura, how many guys do you ‘just be nice’ to, hoping it will turn into something more?”

 “That’s just me.”

 “That’s just you alright, being blinded by your negativity.  I don’t get you, Laura.  You say you want to meet a nice man, and when you do, you ignore the opportunity completely.  Then a guy like Earl, or Gary, or Jeremy, shows the slightest bit of interest and you practically melt on the spot.”

 Having just relived how I got into my current situation, I didn’t feel like talking about men from my past.  “Okay, forget it.  Can we talk about something else?”

 “Sure.  Did you figure out what you’ll do about the house?”

 I knew where this was going, but it was still better than talking about my exes and where I went wrong.  “No...”

 “But you’re still dead against renting.”

 I sighed.  We had been over this countless times.  I hated talking about the idea, but that was because I knew Sara was right.  “I’m scared, Sara.”

 “You just have to have faith in the world sometimes, Laura.  If you rent, at least you’re still living in a place with your name on it.  If the person turns out to be a slob or a creep, you can boot them, or at the very least not renew their lease.  You’ll wind up in an apartment if you don’t, and then your chances for creepy or annoying neighbors gets multiplied.  Neighbors above, below, and on all sides.”

 “I don’t know a thing about being a landlord, on top of it all.”

 She went on about getting generic lease forms from the internet, finding a lawyer, and I lost track of what else.  I ended up spacing out, as bad as I felt for it.  I valued Sara’s help of course, but I really didn’t want to be forced to rent...

Reviews

[kgirl]

I really liked this one. I've read the other reviews here, and I agree with some stuff and disagree with some other stuff.
I think the fact that all she wanted was a man, I don't think that's so unrealistic. I'm not saying it's right or even OK but I do feel it's the thought of a lot of young woman, so it's very real. And it's even more comprehensible in this case because she was so hurt because of the death of her parents, that she just wanted someone to make it all OK, since she was struggling to make it OK on her own.
I don't think it's a lot of exposition, I think it's well done and the backstory we needed. Sure, you could've stretched out and maybe spent more time on some parts (it does feel rushed at some points) but simultaneously I don't know that if you did that, wouldn't it be too monotonous for the reader.
I've read the comment about the alcoholic thing and I do agree with that person but, to be honest, when I read the chapter, it never even crossed my mind. Only when someone said it I had a "yeah, that makes sense" moment.
Last but not least - loved the sister. Want to see more of her! And even though Laura says that Sara just threw herself in her studies and got over the death of their parents easily because of the fact she is just stronger, I think it would be interesting if she realized that one thing that may have helped Sara lead with all that was the fact that she was somewhat distracted because she had her little sister to take care and to focus on. Something like when one falls down, the other one has to strive harder and that doesn't mean that in secret she wasn't as "damaged". I guess that the sister isn't the point here, but I really thought her character had a lot of potential.

My favorite chapter so far!

[Christopher Miller]

You'll be happy to know (if I can be so presumptuous) that I've toyed with the idea of a sequel about the sister. Laura is not meant to be a perfect character. Her wish to find someone might strike some as shallow or limiting. I think it is relatable at least, I mean it's what my wife and I wanted growing up too.
I don't know if I'll ever get to a sequel, but there is more Sara on the way.

[kgirl]

Yes, Sara might get her own sequel! I'll read it (if you ever get to it)!

[Jennie Lynn]

Her backstory, though important, feels like an info dump. There so much information but at the same time so much was glossed over. Death of her parents, alcoholism, unplanned pregnancy, being betrayed and effectively robbed, physical abuse . . . WOW. Other than just weariness she seems to have no reaction this trip down memory lane. She doesn't talk about how she felt when she got pregnant other than worry about how her then BF would respond, no emotional reaction to the abuse. She was obviously an alcoholic after her parents died but she just got better with therapy? Well no, not if she got drunk with her BF the night they met. Reading this I can't help but feel like she probably still has an alcohol problem but I don't think that's the direction you want to take the character or have that hanging over her head for the rest of the story. But that might just be my impression.

As I said before I agree with Sarah. I feel Jay was flirting with Laura, albeit in a tired and slightly distracted way.

I'm going to guess at what happens next. It's hard not to. I do it with movies too and it drives my DH mad. Jay moves in with her?

[Christopher Miller]

Very useful... Thanks again. This story came to me as a series of images, and a lot of my work was working out the logistics of how they all fit together. Also how she came to be in this fix. It might have been written in a hurry, now that I think about it, because I needed to get to the rest of the story.
During this last proof read, I struggled so much with the fact that she was an alcoholic but paragraphs later is getting drunk. I tried fitting different things in, but nothing worked. I left it as what I had, she 'stopped relying on the bottle'. For the most part no, I don't want it hanging over her head, yet there's a comment by someone later that intimates that it's still a potential weakness and I want that to sting. I'll have to continue to think about that one.

[Jennie Lynn]

My DH is an alcoholic so maybe I'm just a little sensitive about this. Keep that in mind with my review. From my understanding, no matter how long an alcoholic is sober any remark about drinking will sting, esp given Laura's self esteem issues. I think that because alcoholism affects so much of a person's life it can't just be glossed over or dealt with in a paragraph. It's a constant struggle to stay dry and to add that aspect to a story but then leave it hanging feels incomplete. But like I said I have a history, so that colors my reaction.

I completely understand the "just get it on paper" method of writing, but you're right that this scene didn't feel as polished as the other chapters.

[Christopher Miller]

That is well said. Let me ask this then. In my mind, Laura was never prone to alcoholism by nature, 'didn't have the gene' if you will. She was just using it to put off dealing with her feelings. When she finally faced and accepted that loss, drinking too much when she drinks was no longer an issue, with exceptions such as her being nervous when she brought Earl home.
Do you feel that's realistic? If so, I will try to elucidate the idea in the story. I like what you said; it is too big a deal for one paragraph and I agree that in its present form it feels glossed over.

[Jennie Lynn]

That does sound realistic. It would make me feel better as a reader if she is aware of it though, and tries to avoid drinking at all. Alcoholism isn't all in the genes, though that does make it compulsive in a way habitual drinkers are not. However, once you start drinking to extreme as a coping mechanism it does become habitual and all habits are hard to break. I imagine it would still be a go-to coping mechanism for stressful situations for Laura unless she consciously replaced it with something else. Maybe mentioning that would help.

[Sarah]

This is a good chapter. Although at times I felt like it was superficial. All she wants is a man in shining armor? Where are her goals? I guess they all got washed away when her parents died, but I feel like at this point, even a man wouldn't make her happy. She's got too much going on with her daughter and her past, that just the mere presence of someone like Jay would be comforting, but it wouldn't make her forget about the truth of her past. There is a lot of exposition here, but I see no problem with it. I followed along easily and it kept me entertained. I do sympathize with Laura for being lied to and abused my a man she thought would never do that. The details really help me understand her character even more and why she is so afraid of meeting someone new. Maybe she's afraid that the same thing will happen again. When Sara says "Maybe he likes you," about the doctor, I didn't really get that vibe. I was more on Laura's side thinking he was just being nice and he could see a stressed mother and just wanted her worries to fade. Overall, good chapter and I'm looking forward to the next one.

[Christopher Miller]

That's a fair point... A good point actually. I think it came from her personal development being more or less on pause since high school. Her dreams were still similar to a child's at that point, and she's picking up where she left off. Since she's telling this as looking back, perhaps I could have her reflect on that, in some way. Thanks!
I think I'm glad to hear you're not sure of Jay's feelings yet. I mentioned before I don't try to be ambiguous, but of course I don't want to be overly obvious. You make be feel like I'm walking that fine line rather well.