Chapter One

 “Maddie!  Maddie, no!”  I was too late.  I had turned around just in time to see my five year old daughter Madison drag a jar of marinara sauce to the edge of the grocery store’s shelf.  It was too big for her hands, and it crashed to the floor.  I saw my whole day shatter along with the glass.

 I had been up all night with her, because she was sick.  I told my manager I was going to be late coming into work because I had to take her to the doctor.  I was even later than I’d said I would be because instead of just giving her medicine, he wanted to see if there was any pneumonia first.  That would require a chest x-ray.  Scheduling the appointment for that held me up.  On top of being doubly late I’d had to leave work early to get her there, even when I took the latest possible appointment.

 Madison was looking at me for my reaction to her accident, so when I started crying, she did as well.  I picked her up.  “It’s okay, sweetie, you just scared Mommy.  I don’t want you to cut yourself,” I said as I held her to me.

 “I’m sorry, Mommy,” she said.  “I made a mess.”

 “It’s okay, sweetie,” I said, forcing myself to stop crying.  I cursed myself for my stubborn refusal to shop at Price Slashers, where I worked.  Ignoring the voice in the back of my head, I’d tried to get some groceries on the way to her appointment to save myself from doubling back later.  You could still make it on time, you just need to deal with this quickly.

 I looked around for an employee.  There were none in sight, but I didn’t want to leave broken glass in the middle of the aisle while I went to find someone.  I felt like I stood there an hour, too overwhelmed to make any decision as simple as what to do about a broken jar.  Finally I heard a cleanup paged, solving my dilemma.

 I waited by the spill, to make sure no one stepped on any of the glass.  An irritated looking man about my age arrived with a mop and bucket.  I watched him approach, wearing an apologetic smile.  Being a romantic at heart, I always saw these little encounters as a chance to make a new friend.  “I’m sorry,” I said.  “My daughter’s sick, it makes her clumsy.”

 The man didn’t even look at me.  “Just what I need,” he muttered to his bucket.

 “Excuse me,” I started, but stopped myself.  I resisted the urge to list a few of my problems and ask him how they compared to having to mop up some sauce.  I didn’t like being in my thirties and having to work at a grocery store either, and that was the least of what I had going on.  Still, for all I knew he had his own problems as well, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  That was about where I was at myself, after all.  “Can I help?” I offered, trying to be nice.

 “You could get out of the way,” he said with a hostile glance.  I didn’t reply, or even make a noise.  I just left him with whatever he had tucked up his butt.  Even that wasn’t good enough for him.  I almost cried again when I heard him mutter, “Fat b***h...”  That was necessary, right?  I’m already walking away, I already know I’m overweight, why did he have to say that?

 “I didn’t like him, Mommy,” Madison said sleepily, once we were in another aisle.

 “I don’t think he likes himself, baby,” I said, rubbing her back.

----

 I might have made it to the hospital on time, if I’d been willing to drive like a maniac with my daughter in the car.  As it was, we were only around ten minutes late, but then I lost even more time when I went down the wrong hallway.  The sign for radiology pointed straight ahead where the hallway made a V.  I gritted my teeth to stem tears of frustration when I realized I’d guessed wrong, my state of mind making me wonder if they’d done that on purpose.  I rushed, following the signs to radiology with Madison held to my chest.  “Hi, Madison’s here for her chest x-ray?” I said when I finally reached the desk, out of breath.  I set Madison down, holding her for a second to make sure she had her balance.

 “Oh, I’m sorry,” the receptionist said.  “The day techs have gone home.”

 I suddenly felt every part of me sag from fatigue.  “What does that mean?”

 “There is an evening tech here who can do her x-ray, but it might be quite a wait.  She’s in the ER right now, and I hear it has been very busy today.  She can only take care of you once she’s done there...”

 “How long a wait, do you think?”

 She shrugged.  “It could be five minutes, and I’ve also seen it take a few hours.  It all depends on what they’ve got her doing.  If you want to do it another day instead we can, but there will be a twenty five dollar no-show charge.”

 “No show?  But I’m here, I was only ten minutes late!”  I noticed the time on the clock behind her.  It was five of four.  “Fifteen,” I corrected with a sigh.  Maybe they did make that sign misleading on purpose.

 I did feel bad for yelling, but looking at the receptionist I could not only tell that she got that response often, but was used to people being a lot more nasty about it.  “I am very sorry, Ma’am.  If I could change the rules I would, believe me.  If I don’t register you now it will count as a no-show, that’s the way the computers work.  I know it isn’t fair.”  She spoke with genuine sympathy.

 I looked behind me to find Madison already asleep in a chair she’d found.  There were magazines.  I was too tired for this...  “I’m sorry...  Alright, we’ll wait.”

 She smiled as I handed her the prescription.  “You can have a seat.  If I see the evening tech I’ll at least make sure she knows you’re here.  She’s very nice, she may even try to sneak you in between other patients.”

 “Thank you,” I said.

 I sat in the small waiting room, and after a couple of minutes she put the prescription along with some other papers in a wall pocket.  It took me only a couple of minutes to remember I had groceries that needed to go in the fridge.  Just as I thought of leaving, I remembered the fee the receptionist mentioned.  It would be cheaper to go back to the store, wake Madison up again, buy new groceries, get her home even later...

 With a sigh I started thumbing through an issue of Woman’s Roar.  ‘Feel good about you,’ the cover urged, but it was still full of skinny girls and advertisements for diet pills.  My mind didn’t feel up to stringing words into sentences for me.  I dropped it, and rested my head against the wall with my eyes closed.

 I heard someone walking by a few minutes later, and opened my eyes to see a man looking at Madison’s papers in the wall pocket.  He struck me as attractive instantly.  His features were quite agreeable, right down to the couple days worth of facial hair on his cheeks to accompany an otherwise well-maintained goatee.  However, what really attracted me to him was the way he carried himself.  He looked gentle.

 He was wearing a jacket and carrying a bag, ready to leave for the day, but he pulled the papers out.  After reading some information he looked at me, and my daughter.  I found myself reflexively smoothing my skirt the second his eyes came to me.  “Is this Madison?” he asked.

 “Yes,” I said.

 “Are you guys still waiting?”  I couldn’t tell if he sounded surprised or annoyed.

 “Good lord, Jay!” the receptionist exclaimed when she noticed him.  “Are you still here?  You have to be exhausted, go home!”

 Mind your own business, I thought, though I wasn’t sure if it was really because I was in a hurry or because I wanted a better look at...  Jay.

 “It’ll take me five minutes, Shirley,” Jay said, fatigue evident in his voice.  “Beth’s going to be down in the ER for who knows how long, they just got a multiple car MVA.  I feel bad enough for leaving her alone to deal with it.”

 “If you say so,” Shirley said with a reluctant smile.

 Just as I was reaching to wake Madison up Jay said, “I have to go do some computer stuff first, if you’d like to let her sleep a bit more.”

 “Oh, thank you,” I said.

 Jay smiled and left.  “I’m sorry,” Shirley said.  “I would never say anything like that normally, but the poor guy’s been going since three yesterday.”

 I knew what time it was, but I looked at the clock anyway.  “He’s been here for over twenty four hours?”

 “Well, just about,” she said.  “He was on call last night.  He did get to go home a couple of times, but it was a rough night.  I don’t think he’s slept at all, so be patient with him, alright?  He’s a sweetheart, but he does take longer to do things when he’s exhausted like this.”

 “I will,” I promised confidently.

 She smiled and went back to her work, and shortly after Jay came back.  “Alright, room’s all set up and everything,” he said.  I could see he was tired.  He was smiling, and although I could tell he was forcing it, there was still something genuine about it as well.

 “Madison,” I whispered.  “Come on, sweetie.”  She started to stir awake.  I picked her up, not wanting to hold this man up any more than I had to.  As he led me down the hall I asked, “Long day?”

 He gave a quick laugh.  “It was a long evening, and a long night, and then a long day.”

 “The receptionist said you’ve been working since yesterday afternoon?”

 He glanced back, as if he could see her through the walls.  “That Shirley...” he said to himself.  “Yeah, pretty much.  Forget about it though, she’s not supposed to say things like that to patients.  Here we are, go ahead in please,” he said as he held a door open for me.  “Is this her first x-ray?”

 “Yes.”  I entered, finding myself in a large room full of cabinets and equipment.  To the right was a smaller room with a window, which housed the controls and a couple of computer screens.

 “Is she going to stand okay?”

 “She will.  Madison, wake up.”  I set her down and she stood, but whined to let me know she didn’t like it.  I verified her last name and date of birth for him, and he led her farther into the room.

 He knelt to bring himself to her level.  “You’re sick, huh?” he asked her, and I was touched by the sympathy in his voice as much as how he focused his attention on her.  Madison nodded, not being as shy as she normally would with strangers.  “Well, the doctor wants me to take two pictures,” he held up two fingers, “so he can see inside of you, and then he’ll know what’s making you sick.  Mom’s going to go back there with me so we’re not in the picture, but she can still see you.  Is that okay?”

 Madison nodded again.  “Alright then.  Here’s what we do.  I put this heavy belt on,” and he wrapped a lead apron around her waist.  “Then we put your tummy right here on this board.”  He looked at me.  “Will she understand if I ask her to hold a breath in?”

 “Of course she will, she’s five,” I said with a laugh.

 He smiled.  “Sorry.  I have to ask, believe me.”  He gently guided Madison by the shoulders to stand where he needed.  “Okay, Mom.  Wait, it is ‘Mom’, right?”

 “Yes,” I said.

 “Come back behind the panel with me, please.”  I did, and I saw what Shirley had been talking about as he ran back into the room a few times to make sure things were lined up right.  Finally he said, “Madison, take in a big breath and hold it, okay?”  He hit a button, the machine made some noises and beeped.  “Great job!  You can breathe.”

 I saw her x-ray appear on a big flat screen monitor.  Right as he was telling her to breathe, it was replaced by rapidly scrolling text on a black background.  “Is that supposed to happen?” I asked.

 He looked at the screen and his entire demeanor fell.  “No!  Oh, you stupid f-mm...”  He stopped himself, gripped the top of the monitor, and rested his head on his hand.  I stared for a second as the tightness of his grip enhanced the rope-like appearance of his forearm.  He took a few deep breaths and I could see he was actually fighting back tears of frustration.

 “Maddie?  Why don’t you sit down, honey?” I said through the window.  I knew a breaking point when I saw it, this man needed a minute.

Reviews

[Sarah]

This is exactly the kind of stuff that intrigues me! Very well done. I particularly like that you've taken the role of a female voice again, and I'm curious as to why? It's odd, but interesting that a man can portray all of the emotions and feelings of a woman so naturally. Props to you for that. This opening scene was the perfect start to the novel giving me clues about the characters and a possible something happening between the narrator and Jay. I'm excited to read more into this and find out more about the narrator's life. Is there a husband? And if there is, what is there relationship like? I'd assume not so good because of the way she finds this man attractive, which makes me believe she is single. So in that case, what happened with the father of her child. So many questions!

[Christopher Miller]

I'm so happy those questions are what came to mind. That's exactly what I was going for, and as with Lavender I don't want it to be at all ambiguous who the main love interest is. The father is explained fully, I'm glad you're thinking about that already as well.
I'm flattered, relieved, and many other things that the female voice seems natural. It came naturally, though I only have done that for this story and the Lavender books, which uses different perspectives. As to why, the simple answer is that's how it came out.
The not-simple answer is probably a bit more psychological. Since you're studying that, I'll touch on it. You've no doubt heard the terms 'muse', and 'a guy's feminine side'. In Jungian psychology, the two are one and the same, he gave it the term Anima, meaning soul. It's her that whispers these stories in my ear/mind/heart. So sometimes, the stories come out in a woman's voice. I don't see anyone as male/female, the totality of human existence exists within each of us.
I could go on at length about this. I'm willing to, if you're interested. I don't know how much sense that makes, being summarized like that.

[Sarah]

It makes sense! We all share similar characteristics regarding the male and female persona! I've really enjoyed reading your work and I will continue to do so!

[kgirl]

After reading this first chapter I'm so curious and glad there are more!
And the narrator is truly relatable! I'm not a mother, but I could definitely see my mom in her mix of frustration with her life and patience for her daughter.
Loved it and I'm going to read the next chapter right away!

[Christopher Miller]

Thanks so much, I hope she's still relatable as it continues...

[Rebekah Smith]

Ace. This was fantastic to read.

[Christopher Miller]

Thank you! This is not published yet, so if you continue and feel improvements could be make, I would love to hear about it.

[Jennie Lynn]

I liked how the story began. No introduction, no warning, just right in the middle of her day. Being the mother of four children, my youngest a six year old girl, it was immediately relatable. You captured everything perfectly. I'm assuming the MC is single or in a very unhappy relationship. Her attraction to Jay is handled naturally. Subtle but still present. Fixing her skirt, noticing his smile, how he treats her daughter, even his muscled arms. All very natural, at least for me. I'm a little jealous how effortlessly you manage to communicate a female voice. Also the male MC is already so clear in my mind despite knowing virtually nothing about him and him only having been in half the text. Well done with that.

[Christopher Miller]

Thank you! The story actually started in my mind with just that line. The same with Lavender, though in that case it isn't phrased quite the same as it was originally. Curiously, this and my first two Lavender stories are the only books I've completed, and are also the only times I wrote with a first-person woman's perspective. I have many aborted efforts, and some other stories I do plan to finish that are from a male perspective, but these were just written with so much more drive behind them. I'm glad it seems natural to you.