A Chain Smoker's Arguement

A man tries to justify his reasons for being a chain-smoker.

            It’s bad, alright, you got me there.  You know it and I know it.  It’s pretty well known.   F*ucks up your lungs and face and then there’s that goddamn smell on your fingers and clothes. I can’t explain why I still do.  Actually, I can, I’m addicted. Why don't I mind? That’s what I meant. That’s the kicker.  I know tons who still smoke and they’re ashamed.

“I don’t know,” they say, “I've been trying to kick it, it’s hard.  I know I shouldn’t. I’m so embarrassed.”   I smoke a cigarette, wandering about in a place I've never been, and no one can touch me. Nobody comes up, taps me on the shoulder, and demands to know what I’m doing. 

            “What does it look like?  You’re interrupting my goddamn smoke,” I’d say if they did, but I’ll never have to because they won’t.   Once I’m done with one, I’ll light up another, and keep going, undisturbed, alone but not lonely, and it’s a great feeling.  And anyway, you can do everything right and you’ll still die. I’ll die not being able to breathe but it is what it is, after all.  Dress a w***e up in nicer clothes and she’s still a w***e.  Die in good health and you’re still dead, you got me?

             I light up just about everywhere I go. Once, on the way to a strip joint, a friend goes: “man I haven’t seen you without a goddamn cigarette since we started,” and I shrugged.  Honestly, what’d the guy want me to tell ‘im? Nobody’s gonna ask me for money, the worst that’ll happen is someone asks me for a smoke, and I give ‘em two. It’s being in the zone, drifting coolly along, smoke pouring from my mouth, and I just feel good. I know I shouldn’t, but c’mon, who can say they've never liked something they weren't supposed to?

            I do have to say I hate getting bitched at for second hand smoke, ‘though.  I’d get it if I were following somebody, behind them a good while, just blowing smoke at the back of their head. But when I’m outside and you’re looking for trouble, even standing by a friend of yours, smoking himself, and you say: “hey don’t blow that in my face…I don’t need your f*****g second hand smoke!” I’ll take one look at the situation and keep blowing smoke in your face.  Be sure to give my regards to your lungs, you dopey f*uck.

            Say I’m outside and it’s late as hell and there’s nobody around.  I see the street light by the corner turn from green to yellow and then red, for no reason.  All the cars are parked outside their respective houses and they aren’t moving. There's nobody, anywhere.  It’s just me, watching smoke I exhale disperse and disappear into the night. Thinking, you know, and I’m gathering everything I’ve shelved.  I categorize the highs and lows of my life...what I can remember, anyway.  You take that away from me and I’ll beat the hell out of you.

Author's Note

I just wanted to briefly explore the reasons a person decides to continue and abuse something...in this case, it's smoking.

Reviews

[PineTree]

I liked your use of language. You speak as people actually talk. You also take a controversial subject and put a positive light on it. I like how raw it is, your use of profanity is not overwhelming and well placed. I am also a smoker so I can relate to this piece. I like the line "alone but not lonely" I get the impression that although you are by yourself, you have you cigarette and your own thoughts as company. I enjoyed the length of this piece, it is not too short and also not too long, it keeps my attention until the end. I hope to read more of your writing.

[C.M Grogan]

Thank you for the kind review. I hoped I didn't over do it with the profanity here and am glad to know you didn't think so. And you're right, that is exactly what I was going for with "alone but not lonely". For the character, smoking shields him from the feelings of loneliness, because as you said, he has his thoughts and his cigarette. Thank you again for reading, I really do appreciate it.