Somewhere in Time

A young, nameless boy, describes his every-day life...

--

Hannah doesn’t know me. I’m just the kid who sits behind her in Math. I consider smelling her hair sometimes. I don’t, that’s weird as hell, but I think about it.  I don’t mind she doesn’t know me.  I wouldn’t want to ruin anything with an introduction. If I think the girl is beautiful, well, hell, that’s all there is to it. I’ve got no great prose to describe her like a poet would or anything.  I just like her…especially her laugh, because she doesn’t have an obnoxious one.  Other people laugh, I’d bet it probably wasn’t funny, and that’s the end of that. But Hannah laughs, oh man, I hear it and I wanna know why. Laugh with her…maybe even be the one to make her laugh, ‘cause man, that’d be something.

            Today, Hannah turned around.  She looked right at me with those nice brown eyes of hers.  It was a moment. I swear it.  It was one hell of a look, like maybe she was wondering what sort of guy I was.  All things considered, I didn’t say a damn thing and I’m glad…she handed me a note to pass along.  It was for Derrick. That ugly as hell, mean, dim-bulb, son of a b***h, Derrick.

Only he’s not mean or dumb or ugly.  The guy isn’t even one of those things.  Without a good reason, I just don’t like him.  I bet that makes me look pretty bad, but what do I care?  I haven’t told anybody. I wouldn’t need that sort of thing making rounds.  Last thing I need is for Derrick to catch wind of those accusations and beat my brains out.   

--

Dad took me fishing today. It was around 9:30 this morning.  He came right up to me and goes, “you look like you need to clear your head…you’re acting depressed!”  The guy jingled his keys, winked once or twice, said “it’s a good day to fish, you know, kiddo…”  And I didn’t have anything better to do.

On the drive there, I looked out the window most of the time. Traffic was pretty lousy. I got to wondering. I said to Dad, you know, “where do you think they’re all going?”

“Hope it’s not to fish,” he goes.

We got to the spot and there were about ten people there, tops.  I joked with Dad about being right. They weren’t all driving to fish with us.

“I knew that kid,” he says, “I’ve hardly shown anyone this spot, you know, my spot.”

 I know it’s not his spot! I’m not a kid anymore.  It’s not like the place wasn’t there before he found it. But I don’t mind he said it…if that’s how it sounds. He used to say things like that a lot and I believed him.  Not too long ago I’d swear on my life the guy knew everything.

I was getting a little angry when I wasn’t catching anything. Dad saw that.  I can’t hide things well.  He used to tell me if my life ever depended on a card game, I’d be a goner.

“Fishin’ is about being able to relax, kid,” he said “to think, talk if we want, catching something’s good sure, but it’s not most important”.  I liked that a lot. I knew I wouldn’t catch a damn thing after he said it, you know, but I liked it. 

Dad will talk when he’s doing something he likes.  Just after casting he asks if there were any special girls in my life.  Almost right off I wanted say I was only looking to relax and think.    I ended up blurting out yes, anyway, but stressed she didn’t know me.

“I’m not sure how special that really makes her,” I said.  Dad got on about Mom, how she didn’t know him either for a while.  But he worked up to introducing himself…snatched her up right out of the water, he said, and then went into specifics.

--

Mom asked a bit about the fishing trip.  There wasn’t much I was willing to tell her about it, to be honest. I don’t know why. Just about all I said was I didn’t catching anything, that Dad did…you know, how it’d been a good time and all, anyway.  For a minute, I thought of telling her about Hannah, but she gets weird about that sort of thing.

            Afterwards, I spent a little time out in the neighborhood and ran into Jimmy.  That kid’s usually up to something.  It wasn’t any different this time around.  We lit firecrackers, threw them over the pond, talked about stupid s**t, that sort of crud. Old Man Ken lives near this spot.  When we heard him getting started, I said we should split.  Jimmy agreed after throwing a firecracker clear over the old man’s fence.  I was surprised he made the distance.  Well, Old Man Ken knew who it was.  Jimmy’s the only one who makes trouble for him on the regular.  It’s almost like ya can figure out the time and day of the week, depending on what Jimmy decides to do. 

Anyway, Old Man Ken gets to hollering Jimmy’s name.  He’s got a pretty powerful voice for an old guy. We made it out of there without anything happening but Old Man Ken isn’t gonna let this go.  No way, Jimmy’s folks are gonna hear about it.  I don’t know how the kids not grounded until he’s an adult.  His parents are always on him about the s**t he does to that poor old guy.

--

Dad goes MIA sometimes.  I chalk it up to work but I don’t even know what he does.  How awful is that? I haven’t the slightest what the guy does. It makes Mom antsy but I just say “don’t worry about it, Ma, the guy works hard.”  Considering what I’ve already admitted it makes what I said to her look pretty damn stupid. Well, anyway, she and I got to talking today.  I told her a little about Hannah. I said I’d do just what Dad did and she goes “what do you mean?”

I felt weird having to explain, tried the best I could, but gave up when she gave me this really strange look.  It looked like a 'well that's not how I remember it happening' type of look.“The things your father says when fishing,” was all she said, but it was enough.

I know when my Dad pulls something over me. I do.  He screws his face up, not even realizing it, probably, but he didn’t then.  He wasn’t lying to me. People can remember the same thing differently. I know that much.

--

Jimmy rarely makes a point. I mean that.  So today was a real surprise. It was just after Old Man Ken got the better of him.  I’ll try to set the scene the best I can.  So Jimmy’s plan to ruin the old man’s day went to s**t.  We both got to running.  The old guy seemed he was looking for a chase, so we ran as hard as we could. When we stopped, I doubled over like I was dying. 

I thought Jimmy was the same, but he said, pretty clearly: I just needed to talk to Hannah.  It was out of nowhere. I’ll bet now it’s because he’d go on about anything besides bested by the old guy. Old Man Ken got him pretty good, you know, but I’ll have to write about that later.  I wouldn’t want to forget…what I want to get down right now…

“There isn’t any point in thinking good things about Hannah if you’re not to find out what she’s really like,” Jimmy said.  Isn’t that something? Coming from Jimmy, I mean.  I think that’s something. I know it’s easy to think so good of her. She’s so pretty, it wouldn’t seem fair to think any different.  After that with Jimmy, I’m considering, you know, maybe. There’s something to what he said.

--

Jimmy’s not the same. It happened real sudden.  I ran into him today and just knew he was different.  He wasn’t up to doing anything! I even told him about my Dad’s fireworks from the last Fourth of July! That sort of thing would put a sparkle in his eyes.  He didn’t give a damn.  Not even a little.  I was honestly willing to set all of them off.  Instead Jimmy shuffled around a lot, real fidgety, asked whether or not I talked to Hannah. 

I told him I hadn’t.  He shook his head. 

“Time is working against you,” Jimmy said.

I told him I had plenty of time.

“No you don’t,” he said. That really caught me off guard, you know, who says that? I asked about Old Man Ken…if Jim was in the mists of scheming something big to get the guy back.  Jimmy only said he wasn’t and wouldn’t.  When I asked him why…he started getting real emotional and said he was going to be leaving the old guy alone.

Jimmy started to cry.  It didn’t have anything to do with the old man, apparently.  He just didn’t want to cause trouble anymore.   He was sick of it.

“I need to be better and fast,” he said and kept on crying.

 I lied.  Said I had somewhere to be.  And I left the kid there.  Just like that. I never have anywhere to be.  That was a goddamn lie.   I think I did say cheer up.  I can’t exactly remember. I don’t know what to do. Never seen the kid like that before in my life… I’m not all that good dealing with people when they get to crying, either.  That’s no excuse, not a good one anyway, just all I’ve got.

--

Jimmy wasn’t at school today.  I walked home, taking my time, thinking maybe I just missed him, but no, the kid wasn’t anywhere. 

I smoked a few of the cigarettes in a pack I found before.  I didn’t get sick this time around. Getting home, Mom said she wanted to talk. 

“I don’t know anything,” I said, right off the bat.  I knew she could smell the smoke, no way she couldn’t.  She didn’t go on about that. She talked about Jimmy, saying "someone in his family was very sick," and how I wouldn't see him for a while because he was going somewhere.

“What sort of sick? Where is he going?” I asked.

“You aren’t a kid anymore,” she says, “don’t ask insensitive things!”

  I don’t know what’s insensitive.  How are you going to tell a guy only half the story? Not even half.  He’s my friend. I’ve got rights.

--

Jimmy lost his Mom yesterday. That’s what it was.  That’s what I wasn’t supposed to know.  It’s the saddest damn thing.  Story goes she got sick and fast. And just like that it was over. I asked my folks how Jimmy was.  They said I should keep him in my prayers.  I don’t pray, so I don’t know how much good that’d do for him. 

Anyway, my folks went on about how important faith was.  Well, my Mom did, anyway. My Dad has eased up on the bible thumping lately.  I listened to her, sure, but it doesn’t mean a damn thing to me.  All things considered, Jimmy’s Mom being dead and all, I looked the word faith up in the dictionary. Faith is “having complete trust or confidence in someone or something”.  I don’t know how to feel that, finding out someone got sick and just died.

--

I made contact, sort of!  Jimmy was kicking something around in his cul-de-sack. I walked right over to him.   He looked up, saw me, and split before I even had the chance to say one word.  I’m all torn about what to do.  When I told Dad what happened, he said he understood how Jimmy feels completely.  How was I supposed to know?  If I was Jimmy I’d of shaken me, said: “look here, it isn’t about Old Man Ken, and it’s not bullshit, my Mom’s sick.  She’s sick. She’s dying you little weasel!”

--

            Hannah spoke to me and I didn’t even notice at first.  I heard words and didn’t even know they were for me.  After that there was a weird sound, like a throat being cleared, and I still didn’t give a damn.  Finally she tapped my arm. I looked up.  Hannah started about how she about what happened to “Jim”.  I nodded. She asked if there was anything she could do.

“You’re talking to the wrong guy,” I said, “unless you can bring people back from the dead, I doubt you can do anything for Jimmy.”  I don’t really care about talking to her anymore, you know.  I don’t think I need to know anything real about her. I'm not sure why either, but it's just gone.

--

I went to Church, what a bunch of… The folks said part of being religious is asking for forgiveness. Well my Mom said that, anyway.  I wasn't going to ask for forgiveness, not unless it was from Jimmy. I didn't get a thing out of going to church, except getting choked up and crying. And I hate crying. The Priest acted like I should have talked about how I stole something, broke something, you know, hurt someone in a violent way.  I hadn't hurt anybody, not in a violent way, anyway. I said a guy I knew lost his Mom and I had some questions.

 I wanted to know about dying…if Jimmy would see his Mom again…how I should go about fixing our friendship.  The guy asked me what I needed to fix. I couldn't fix death.   

“I wasn't there for Jimmy before it even happened, he tried to reach out. I wasn’t there for him,” I said.  The guy says something about how I shouldn't worry, he knew her, and she led a great life and will be just fine.

“What do you mean I shouldn’t worry? What do you mean she’s okay? She’s dead! She’s dead now, that’s what she is.  She’s dead,” I said.  That priest didn’t get it.  And I’m not going back.

--

Claire’s on break from school. She’s my sister.  I don’t think I mentioned her before. We don’t always get along. When she left for school, she said she was glad to be going and wasn’t going to miss us.  I know most people are glad to do something different.  Claire could have kept to herself what she wasn't going to miss.  You don’t say that sort of thing unless you want to hurt someone real bad.   She hurt Mom and me…but Dad only said “if you keep good grades, you can stay there.”

            Claire came to talk to me first.  I made sure I wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence. She strolled into my room, said, “what’s up kid?” and when I didn’t say anything, started on about how well she did.  I didn’t care.  Then she got me. She went, "I know you're going through a rough spot, would you want to talk about it?  At all?" Damn her.   I broke down.  I wish I didn't but I couldn't help it.  

“Listen, bad things will happen,” Claire said, “they happen to other people and they will happen to us. If Jimmy wants to talk to you again, he will.  And if he doesn’t”, Claire said, “That’s up to him.  It does mean something you’ve tried, it does.  Feel good about that, anyway, kiddo”, she said.

Author's Note

This is a small part of a finished story.

I hope you enjoy.

Reviews

[jjwilbourne]

I wish you put the rest of the story here. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The voice feels very southern US to me. I grew up in georgia so I started reading it in a southern accent.
I don't know how this ends, so I have little to say that is constructive.
Good work on what's here though.

[C.M Grogan]

I actually did have the rest of the story on here but trimmed it down to this, hoping the length wouldn't scare people away from wanting to read (not that it's even all that long, really). It's very interesting you found the voice southern. I have gotten that a few times in real life...even been asked where in the south I grew up. If you would like to read the rest I would gladly send it to you. Thank you for reading what I have here. I appreciate it.

[jjwilbourne]

Toss it my way!