Apathy

Contemplating emotions and what it's like to feel.

By now I have learned what is right for me,

What is appropriate for me to show,

And what isn’t.

It is so hard to control,

So hard to keep it hidden.

Although it’s not totally impossible,

Especially after ignoring them for years,

But when they come to light,

Be ready for a fight.

To be forced to remember,

Which is which,

And struggling to keep them under wraps.

Never let them show towards others,

Unless it is necessary.

Only allowing my real emotions to shine through,

When I am alone.

It is very tiring indeed,

Making one want to sleep forever,

Or to just rest,

For the very first time.

It is getting easier and easier,

To forget my emotions,

The ones I try so hard to hide.

Now I can only guess,

What emotions I am feeling,

At any given moment.

If I am even feeling,

Is anybody’s guess.

I think I might need to ask,

Because emotions aren’t something I understand any longer.

I don’t really mind it,

I just hate feeling,

Since of how strange it is to feel something.

To not understand what that feeling is,

Or what on earth to call it.

Very weird it is indeed for me,

I can only guess using rationality,

And emotions are based off of the irrational,

So I never know if I am correct.