Some Days

It's about overcoming a painful situation.

Each day that passes me by
is slowly killing me inside.
Making my heart begin to waver
My resolve is starting to melt away
doubts are cropping up
I'm losing my sense of right and wrong
Making me wonder
'Did I do the right thing?
Is it really worth all the drama,
all this pain?'

Then the memories come flooding back.
Reminding me of all the days we spent;
all the yelling and screaming,
rage and tears.
It hurt so much more before.

What hurts the most
is watching you walk away.
I gave you a chance to stay,
but I guess I wasn't good enough
to keep you from saying good-bye.
So many things I wish I could say
we could have been happy.
If only you would just take my hand
If only...

Now I'm left
with a shattered heart
and a family divided.
I'm trying to overcome the bitterness
and all the pent up rage
that I have in spades.
But it's so hard to find
when it's hiding so deep inside.

Yes it hurts missing you,
but you have hurt me more than this.
In spite of all the pain
and misery you've put me through
I can't help loving you.
Even though all of my efforts,
you've thrown right back in my face.
I will continue loving you.

Maybe some day
we will be able to repair all the damage done
and I'll be able to forgive all you have stolen.
But that day isn't now.
My door is still open,
only if you want to change
from what we once had
to something oh so much better.
Until that day comes
I will move on forward.

All of my yesterdays were dark,
my present is difficult
but I will continue striving forward
into a better tomorrow.
A place I pray
that you will join in.
Because I know
no matter how much time passes us by
I will always love you.



 

Author's Note

I suck at punctuation and what-not, so please ignore that. Though constructive criticism is welcome ^-^

Reviews

[Persona]

This is really good and honest, about a lost love by the sounds of it. I think more specifics about the situation would really amp up the misery for me and really bring out the emotions.

[Wonderful Letdown]

Thank-you for your comment!! I actually left the details out PURPOSELY because I didn't think as many people would be able to relate to it as much as if I let them draw their own conclusions.

See, the story behind this is fairly long so I'll try to be brief. My mom crossed the line for the last time, I snapped and told her all the junk she's put me through and how I still want to have a relationship but I wanted to change it so it was actually a healthy relationship. But she refuses to work with me and has just walked away. In the end, we aren't talking and neither am I talking with my grandmother on that side as I am seen as the bad guy in all of this.

Not many people can relate to that as they can to a failed relationship, no?

[Persona]

It's a failed relationship within your family. In some ways I believe they can because everyone at some point falls out with family members, friends and romantic partners but if you feel comfortable with what you've already written then that is perfectly fine as at the end of the day it's your poem, not mine. Maybe you could use your 5 senses though like how things smelled at the time when you fell out or you can keep everything the same. I don't mind - it's a good poem regardless. I do relate to being seen as the 'bad guy' but in a slightly different version of events. It's interesting to hear about your life. It's such a shame that it's your mother because family should have the strongest bonds!

[Wonderful Letdown]

I know that people can relate to falling out with family members, but my mother is mentally ill who doesn't take meds (which never ends well) and this poem chronicles how for once, I stood up to her. This tells how I wanted to change our unhealthy relationship into a HEALTHY one. ( I would have added the senses but it happened all over facebook....plus I couldn't describe any scents as I have a very week sense of smell from a zinc deficiency that I have from my illness). This was written as a way to let out all the frustration I have from her proverbially walking away and taking my grandmother with her. As my grandmother can't keep her nose out of it and is on mom's side and sees me as the bad guy.

All the above is why I DIDN'T add in details, because not only would it have been boring but because I also thought that not as many people can relate to having a fallout with a mentally ill parent. No matter what words I use, it will never be able to fully show what it's like. So I didn't try in this to show that (though I have in other writings, but it never ends up the way I want it) It's one of those 'gotta experience it' to understand. And I apologize for the tone of my last message, at the time I had just ran into someone that knew my mother (I think it was an old f**k buddy of hers, as she was quite....promiscuous before my parents split) so needless to say, I was a wee bit upset.

Thank-you for being honest in your opinions, I really do appreciate it. And sorry again for seeming so short the last time.

[Persona]

No, you're very welcome. Have you written anything about living with your mother's mental illness? It sounds like a topic people would find fascinating and is probably unnoticed by the majority of the public. I would love to be educated about it.

[Wonderful Letdown]

Yes I have actually. I wrote down all the memories I have of her and almost everything that has happened between her and I. It's pretty choppy because of how many years I was trying to cover. It's called "A Daughter's Story"

[Wonderful Letdown]

and yes I have it posted.