The Road to Heaven

“Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.” ― C.S. Lewis

The Road to Heaven

12-31-19

Reckless Rambles

Draft 2

By: Chase L. Currie

 

I normally don’t do this, not the whole New Year resolutions thing that I do almost every year but write them in my journal. No, what I normally don’t do is show my True emotions in my work, or, at least, I don’t mean to show them. I know all artists put a bit of themselves in their work. They simply bled into the art, but I don’t go out of my way to do it. I might show a bit of my emotions in my work to you from time to time, but those emotions are enhanced for the sake of the writing. Sometimes - all the time - I allow you to see the mask I’m wearing in my work of the emotions.

                It is not the real emotion.

                It is a mere mask of it.

                I guess you can argue we do that daily in our lives, show the masks of what we truly feel.

                But I want to try something a little different -

                I want to lift the mask a little for you -

                The week before Christmas was a difficult one for me. A lot was going on in my family, and more was going inside my head. There were days I would get up, not unhappy about waking up, just disappointed that I didn’t know if tomorrow would be any better. As one of my characters said in a story I’m writing, “Tomorrow didn’t seem any better than today.”

                I felt that to be true for the whole week. It left me battling some very old demons, ones I was sure were put to rest years ago, but they came walking down the hills anyways. I won out in the end, but only with the help of the Lord.

                Then the other day, I open my eyes before my clock went off, staring at the humble rays of light reaching into my room. I watch the bits of dust dance together in the light, and I smiled.

                I have always known what I wanted to do with my life - be an artist, create art for people. I used to joke with my family that I was going to be a starving artist for a career, not because I didn’t like money, but because I couldn’t see myself doing anything else but creating art. The idea of ‘doing art on the side’ would make me shutter with disappointment. The idea that I couldn’t find a way to make a living at my work almost made me want to give up on everything.

                There are thousands of people who have made a living in the arts. All you have to do is pick up an art history book to see the proof of it, but I knew the artist’s life is not an easy one. I still know that to be the truth.

                But lying in bed on that morning, the Lord smiles at me. He said, look at what you do every day for the last year. I got up, started my day off with a walk, read, wrote, and went to work to do the same thing. Every day for a year.

                I hadn’t made any money at my writing, but that is something I’m working on.

                I got out of bed, went for my walk, and started to think about things.

                The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, while the road to Heaven is filled with trials and tribulations with wells of blessing along the way.

                But what is my Heaven? I asked myself along my short walk. I felt a little inadequate in my walks these days; after all, Nietzsche would walk up to eight hours a day thinking and writing. I still have a long way to go, but in my walk, I started to daydream.

                Let me show you my daydream …

                Let me bring you into my world; I only share with the pages of my journal.

                The walk I was on led to a classroom, where I would be teaching philosophy to some young minds. I strolled into the classroom almost whistling to myself, but I don’t because I don’t know how to whistle, I didn’t do it. All the people in the class grow quiet, knowing the lecture is about being, but I stopped staring at all the faces before me. I smiled big and ordered everyone to get up.

                They are used to not knowing what I will do in the middle of my classes. Once, I sat at the front of the class with my feet up reading a comic book until someone spoke a word to me. The exercise was to get them to think about the power of pop culture and how it sucks us in.

                Another time we sat around listening to different music while talking about the ideas behind the songs, but mostly I wanted them to see how themes can change the thoughts of your mind or mood.

                This day we all went for a walk around campus as I talked to them about the power of taking a stroll every day. I brought up the little fact about Nietzsche I told you earlier … I hope you remember. We spend the whole class time walking around and talking about Nietzsche. When it is over, I go back to my office to get some work done, write for another book of mine, before another class in the afternoon.

                The day ends …

                I go home to find my wife coming in from work, my children at the dinner table and life is good. We sat down and eat for a while before I sneak off to my study to read some simple books or get ready for class the next day. My wife comes in before we go to bed and -

                I unlock the door to my apartment, the daydream is over, but I have some coffee and a book waiting for me. I come into the place, my brother is asleep, and life doesn’t seem so bad.

                I have no idea who the women in my daydream is …

                I have no idea how many children we have …

                Or if we are living in a small house …

                I don’t even know how old I am in this daydream …

                It is not a goal, nor is it a New Year resolution, it is Heaven, and I am aiming for it. I don’t know if I’ll reach it, there is no way of knowing, but I can tell you the resolutions I have written down today are the arrows of my dream. I don’t know if it will all plain out, but I know I will try.

                This year has had its ups and downs, but I have grown a lot. I’m closer to the Lord then I’ve ever been. I’m working better on my health than I ever had. I feel freer from my past than ever before, and the chains are long gone. I don’t dwell in the horrors of yesterday as much anymore. But most of all - a blessing from the Lord - I have a clear vision of Heaven I am aiming for … I hope my aim is true.

Author's Note

If you had made it this far, then I appreciate it, and before you start to tear my work apart (which doesn’t bother me too much), let me explain something. The most common critique I see is about my spelling and grammar. It is an understandable critique, and I do not blame you for pointing it out. After all, spelling and grammar are the tools in which we use to craft our work, like a paintbrush or a chisel. The artist must know how to use these tools well, but like an artist who has a tremble in their hand's somethings will never be perfect.
My tremble in my hand is caused by my dyslexia. It is something, no matter how much I learn, study, or works on, it will never go away. It is the reason you will find a good bit of spelling and grammar mistakes in my work. I ask you to keep this fact when you are about to write your critique.
Also, I feel the need to point this out, this website is like a journal for me. A messy journal I used to work out problems in my stories or to simply warm up before digging into my novels. I do not hire an editor for the work here. I do not spend hours and days pouring over these stories to make them perfect, that energy is saved for the project I plan on taking to market. Everything on this website is my world-building exercise or sketches for other projects.
I do hope you enjoy my work, but this website is not a publishing house for me, and it shouldn’t be for you either. Something to keep in mind as you write your critique.