The Horrors on Blood Mountain Part 3

A hard-hitting and stoic hero finds a woman on the side of the road dying and begging him to save her daughter, but is there more to the task than being a hero?

“My uncle is going to take me to Omega City,” Emma said, and Abel grunted. The car slowly moved down the road trying its best to get off the mountain. Once they were back on the main road, Abel could get Emma to her uncle and, most of all out of his hair. She didn’t seem to be too bothered by death, which caused Abel to double-check her for a moment. Then again, he quickly thought, her father had been a mob boss and death had been his tool.

                She had seen more people died then most people who did go to war would have, and like all death it had left its mark on her.

                She stared out the window at the deep night and the growing snowfall.

                “Have you ever been to Omega City?” Emma asked.

                “No,” Abel said, seeing no reason to go to the flying city at all. From what he had heard, the city lived on its sin, and he had no need to go there unless he was going to blow it out of the sky. The city or well, the guilds which ran it, wouldn’t take part in the Great War, but they had no problem selling supplies to any side. They gave the enemy Dolls, guns, cannons, tanks, and plans but they also gave those supplies to the Allies as well. Each guild of the sinful city had their own reasons for selling weapons to which every side paid the right price.

                Too many of his comrades had been cut down by those weapons

                “Oh,” Emma said. “Can I ask you something?” She looked over at him.

                “You can ask,” Abel grumble,” but doesn’t mean I’ll answer.”

                “Uh, okay,” Emma said. “So why did you save me?”

                “Like I said,” Abel told her, “I found your mother on the side of the road and gave her my word.”

                “Right, right,” Emma nodded, “but who does that? People aren’t that good.”

                Abel huffed more at the fact she had been right. If it weren’t for his quest then he would have moved on down the road, but he had been given a righteous task on this world by an angel of the Lord. He couldn’t turn away from the task, or his soul would be damn to Hell.

                “You have to be kidding me,” Emma said with an open mouth.

                “It’s why I was saved in the war,” Abel said, not looking over at her. “An angel of the Lord came to me telling me I must fight evil where I see it in the name of God.”

                “Did anyone else see the angel?” Emma asked.

                Abel turned with hard eyes and a low growled, “No, they were all dead.”

                She lean back, whispering, “Sorry.”

                Abel went back to looking at the road, and he said “Its call war, it happens.”

                “What did you do during the war?” Emma questions him balling up against the seat.

                “My men and I were sent behind enemies to neutralize high-value targets,” he mumbles.

                “You were an assassin?” Emma said.

                “That’s one way of saying it,” Abel nodded, and yet, the title fit him right. He still couldn’t believe the angel choice him to carry out this quest. He has killed women and children if they were in the way of his target, but the Lord, for some odd reason choice him.

                He came to a stop at a four-way getting closer and closer to the main road. He sat there for a moment, looking down both roads not seeing a soul out in the dark. The snow hid most of the world to them blanketing their sight. He looked around one more time, turning to look behind them growling.

                “Hang on,” he barked, smashing his boot on the gas roaring the car to life. The wheels spun in the snow before tracking off down the road at high speed. Emma cried at the sudden rush of acceleration. She had no idea why he wanted to get them killed.

                Until the headlights behind them flashed to life, and gunshots started to rain down on them. The bullet hit the back window rushing to the front glass. Emma screamed as Abel tossed her into the floorboard. He pushed his car harder and faster trying to stay on the road.

                The wheels of the car hissed at the snow and almost losing control of the whole thing, but he kept the car going. He whipped the car around the bend, but the car behind him followed right on his heels. The men driving the car knew the road better than him, he would never outrun them, which meant -

                “This is going to hurt,” he told Emma.

                “What?” She asked, but he had already smashed the breaks making the car fishtail for a bit until he hit a tree bounding off it. He had to keep the car from flipping, but the diver behind him didn’t or couldn’t keep their car from rolling. He glanced up seeing the headlights roll into some trees and then down the hill coming to a brutal rest.

                Abel garb Emma tossing her back into the seat. “Stay here,” he ordered, getting out the car, taking the rifle with him. He rolled the bolt of the gun readying it hiking over to the top of the hill. He took aim at the car watching it for a long moment and then seeing one of the men start to climb �"

                Bang!

                 The round nailed the man back into the car. He waited for a second longer to see the diver climb out, but the man never moved. He then took aim at the gas tank, fire three shots turning the car into a fireball cooking off any ammo in it.

                He tossed the rifle near the fire, it was out of ammo, and he turned back to his car, seeing the passage’s door wide open. He growled, rushing forward to see one set of footprints racing off into the woods. He studies the dark before dashing after Emma.

Author's Note

If you had made it this far, then I appreciate it, and before you start to tear my work apart (which doesn’t bother me too much) let me explain something. The most common critique I see is about my spelling and grammar. It is an understandable critique, and I do not blame you for pointing it out. After all spelling and grammar are the tools in which we use to craft our work, like a paintbrush or a chisel. The artist must know how to use these tools well, but like an artist who has a tremble in their hand's somethings will never be perfect.
My tremble in my hand is caused by my dyslexia. It is something, no matter how much I learn, study or works on, it will never go away. It is the reason you will find a good bit of spelling and grammar mistakes in my work. I ask you to keep this fact in my when you are about to write your critique.
Also, I feel the need to point this out, this website is like a journal for me. A mess journal I used to work out problems in my stories or to simply warm up before digging into my novels. I do not hire an editor for the work here. I do not spend hours and days pouring over these stories to make them perfect, that energy is saved for the project I plan on taking to market. Everything on this website is my world-building exercise or sketches for other projects.
I do hope you enjoy my work, but this website is not a publishing house for me, and it shouldn’t be for you either. Something to keep in mind as you write your critique.

I came up with Abel Solomon after reading Solomon Kane and looking into the Question a bit. I wanted a hero who was very black and white in his moral code while at the same time quick to action. Abel will react without thinking in almost all situations, the cost of those actions might come back to bite him. This story was simply me getting to know Abel and seeing how I could write for him. It took me a

Reviews

[Christoph]

This is certainly getting interesting.

I think, after reading the previous chapters, I wasn't fully clued in to the setting. I had a sense of it, and in my mind it was kind of heading toward detective fiction, noir. Something like that.

Turns out this world has some scifi up its sleeve. Flying cities? I'm in. Also, stories that draw from Christian mythology have always appealed to me (and this much we knew earlier).

Combining those things with the noir vibe I was picking up before (perhaps in error) I'm half expecting this to take place in the world of the game Bioshock, in a mix of both Columbia and Rapture. And if you haven't played those games, just trust me, this is a good feeling to have.

Problems that bothered me are minor.

This seems a bit too on-the-nose, expository and unnatural: "but who does that? People aren’t that good."

Similar problem, but this one also makes the reader believe Abel's goal is really to kill them: "She had no idea why he wanted to get them killed."

Here, I thought he was quite far from the action, but it suddenly feels like he's standing right next to the car: "He tossed the rifle near the fire."

Those bits just pulled me out and made me stop a second.

By the end I'm very much inclined to turn the page and find out where Emma has run off to. Good read, great pacing--I'll be back for more.

[CLCurrie]

Thanks so much, my man. I'm glad you picked up on the noir and Bioshock feel of the story. It was my plan from the start.

I see the problems you are speaking about and I'll work on changing them because now I see them too.