The thought of love

The thought of love

It terrifies me

I wish I had never searched

Or asked

I see a boy

One maybe I am meant to be with

But

I can't decide if the anxiety of hurting him

will win over the sadness of being

Alone

I can't control the feelings flooding my damn brain

I'm scared

I was at a point where I was numb

It comes back from time to time

Sometimes I can't feel anything

Others, I feel every pinprick to my heart

Regardless of it's intensity

I wish I could get over it

Decide if he is attractive

Or

Just a face to look at

I wish I knew if he is the one I WANT'

Or the one I am USING

I can't tell if the tears will run down my cheeks 

before the anger will strangle my brain

I can't tell if we are meant to be

The thought of love is crippling me

Stripping the marrow from my bones

And taking the sparkle from my eye

I can't hurt him again

Yet, I want him to be mine

The thought of love is flooding my thoughts

Shredding my dreams into ribbons

And opening new nightmares

The thought of love, at least for now, is too much

It terrifies me to my core

And the fear has a tight grip on my heart

Pumping the painful memories though my veins

The thought of love

Is one to be forgotten