Prologue

The gentle nighttime breeze flowed into the room through the open window.  The luminescent moonlight revealing the purple walls, and striped zebra bed on which the little red-haired girl lay snuggled in her striped comforter-the covers rising up and down with every breath she took.  Her small and soft hands clenched her soft fuzzy pillow as her subconscious mind wandered aimlessly.

***

She was all alone in a huge, dark space.  Mommy and daddy were nowhere to be seen and worst of all it was cold.  She was cold.  She had no inkling of how she ended up here, for she remembered being in her room- her safe haven- surrounded by her four purple walls furnished with her name spelled in large, pink letters.  She remembered her white shelves filled to the brim with athletic trophies and her picture frames.  She remembered the fuzzy pink carpet that lay at the head of her bed and the zebra-striped covers and pillows that lay on top of it.  She remember Lulu, her stuffed bear, and Chico, her stuffed bunny rabbit.  She remembered the tea table and toys that littered her room.  She remembered her safe haven.  But now, she was in this dark space with no one to hold.   How she wished Lulu or Chico were here to comfort her right now.  Slowly she walked and walked aimlessly through the intense darkness.  Her cheeks were pale and her forehead was dripping in sweat making her red hair stick to the sides of her face but she was still cold.   So cold, and she couldn’t get warm.  Her eyes darted from side to side and her pupils dilated to let in as much light as possible so she could see, but to no avail.  Everything looked the same.

“I’m scared,” she cried weakly as she continued to walk on, her only comfort being herself.

“Why are you scared?”

The sudden question caused her to freeze in her tracks immediately.  Who was that? She did a complete 360 and found it in vain.  

“W-who’s there?”

No answer.  Frozen in her tracks and breath caught in her throat she waited- for what, she did not know and nor did she particularly care to find out, but her body apparently did.  

“So why are you scared?”

The friendly voice called out to her again.  Her body stood frozen in shock and before her brain had time to form a thought her mouth just answered.

“Because-because-because I’m all alone, and I can’t find my Mommy or my daddy and Lulu and Chico are not here to comfort me.” she sniffed.

A pause.

“‘But you are not alone.”

Her blinded eyes widened and though she still could not see, they seemed to glimmer with hope.

“What-what do you m-mean?” she stuttered out.

“You are not alone… I’m here too.” he said.

Her small heart that beated so wildly in hope all of a sudden dropped in defeat.  Her eyes once again went dull, and her body started to shiver.

“You’re cold?”

“Mmmhm.” she shivered.  “And scared too,” she added before her brain had time to formulate a thought.

The sound of tiny footsteps coming towards her had her body freezing in fear.  Her brain kept telling her to run, but her body just wouldn’t allow it.  All of her limbs just froze and waited patiently for the tiny footsteps to reach her.  

“You don’t need to be scared.  You aren’t alone. I’m here too.” he said

His voice was so close to her and she could feel his warm breath on her tear-crusted cheek.  Though she did not know this boy, she felt a strange sense of comfort in his presence.  She felt… whole.  Her stiff body relaxed and a wave of warmth rushed over her as she felt his tiny,  foreign hand caress her cheek.  

“Who-who are you?” she whispered.

“My name is Luke.” the young boy answered as he engulfed her into a hug.

“I-I’m Lauren, nice to meet y-you.” she smiled and snuggled in his embrace.  He felt so warm, compared to her and he sounded like he was the same age as she was- though she couldn’t see his face.  It was strange,  for although the two of them just met, she felt as if she had known him her entire life.

“You talk funny,” he giggled, making his small chest vibrate.  

“Hmph,” she pretended to pout and tried to retain herself from giggling right along with him.

He buried his face in her red hair and stroked it gently saying, “Don’t worry Lu, I’m here and I will never leave you.”

She smiled.

Author's Note

If you guys like this prologue then I will post chapters on here but if not, then I will take it down. :) As always Constructive criticism is both encouraged and requested

Reviews

[Cy!]

awww, Lu is such a cute nickname ^w^ Nicely done btw

[Sinbulvinter]

This is an interesting read and very well written. A cute story with a cute little girl I felt so bad for, walking around all alone until a boy comes and befriends her. It has a very interesting feel to it and you have a refreshing writing style that's easy to read and flows very well. I was really surprised when I read your profile and saw you were only 17, You have a whole lot of talent for someone that young! I wish I had that kinda talent when I was your age, I wrote back then but I sucked. XP

Anyway, rambling, sorry...
As for constructive criticism, there really isn't much I can give, you're a great writer with good grammar skills, emotional descriptions, and atmosphere settings. - this is completely wonderful!

Keep up the good work!

[Sira YR]

Thank you so much Sinbulvinter...it really means a lot to me :)

[matrixmark]

Well, well. This is new and what a GREAT paragraph to start with. Really quite vivid descriptions and easy on the eye images. The second paragraph gave the reader a good understanding of just how frightened this girl was. You did this not only by showing the reader being scared as to wherever she was, but by by showing that her cuddly toys were a form of comfort. But many questions arise from this as to - Where is she? How did she get there? And why is she ther? - these questions will all need answering and are a good hook for the reader to keep reading and wanting the answers to.

'Why are you scared' - what I would add onto this bit is how the person talked for example - was the voice deep, high pitched, or was it even a whisper - these are just suggestions and do with them as you will.

What the then fnd out is that this person comes across as friend rather than foe. I thought it was going to go the way of being foe. So I guess you have done a good job of misdirection and it now beggars the question of where this piece is going to go next.

This has such great potential as I for one, have no idea as to where it is going to go BUT I sure as hell will continue with reading it.

I see that the sentences were all nice and tight and this was most certainly a pleasure to have read. When I first started I had no idea where I was goin to be taken and I STILL DONT. But thats the trick - to get the readers wanting to turn the page. And you pulled it off.
Grammar... good.
Structure....good.

Mark.

[Sira YR]

Thank you so much! And I definitely will be adding more description to the prologue. Thank you so so much, Mark :)

[matrixmark]

Brillaint, brilliant piece.
Either a little later or tomorrow. I will most certainly be returning to this. DEFINATELY KEEP WRITING ON THIS ONE - ITS A WINNER.

Mark.

[Sira YR]

I will and thank you again for your constructive review. It's always appreciated :)

[matrixmark]

More than welcome Raysira. The pleasure was all mine to read this mst excellent piece.

Mark.