Carry on

Through it all, I carry on...

Though my frame is weary 

and my mind overwhelmed 

I carry on,

Though I  desperately wish to collapse and drown in despair

I rise and, wiping my tears,

I carry on,

Through all of the struggles,

 and obstacles that strive to bring me down

I carry on,

In this desolate world

Full of sorrow, hatred, despair

where hope and peace is as scarce as gold

I carry on,

Though people constantly tell me to give up

To drown in this stormy sea of life

To succumb to the darkness and to the horrors 

of this wretched world

though the odds are stacked against me

I carry on...

Still ...

I carry on.

Reviews

[KTizzle]

"Though people constantly tell me to give up
To drown in this stormy sea of life
To succumb to the darkness
I carry on..."

These are my favorite lines because it makes me think of the painting Fishermen at Sea by Joseph Mallord William Turner. I wished you had stretched that out some because I felt like it could be more powerful if you did or rather if you incorporated those lines in the whole poem.

"Though I desperately wish to collapse and drown in despair
I rise and wiping my tears
I carry on,"

I think there needs to be a comma before the "and" because I think it would make those lines more powerful too. It would put some emphasis on "wiping my tears" and read as tone of strength and endurance.

Here, what does this mean? "In this desolate state called life." What does the word "desolate" mean and how does it define the hardship of life? I feel like that can also be stretched and molded into something more beautiful.

I found the next lines to be a bit vague, but I get it.

I was having a bad day and it was nice to read a poem with an uplifting theme. It reminds me of "Still I Rise" by Maya Angelou.

Thanks for posting! Have a great day!

[Sira YR]

Thank you for the review! I saw some problems that I didn't notice before and I'm definitely going to go back and edit it. I appreciate the critique!

[Cy!]

beautiful T^T *cries*

[Sira YR]

Thank you!!

[William Liston]

I love the message and structure of this piece. This is a mentality we all should have during our darkest days ... having hope and motivaiton certainly beats drowning in despair. Although it's sometimes hard to look at the hardships of life and say "I can make it," it's what we must do to keep going. It's good that poems like this are around to make that task easier.

I agree with Jazz Lover in that this piece is very similar to Maya Angelou's poem "Still I Rise."

- William Liston

[Sira YR]

Thank you so much. I'm really glad that so many people, including you, liked it :)

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jac..]

"Though I desperately wish to collapse and drown in despair
I rise and, wiping my tears,
I carry on," - these lines ring true and convey the drive to never surrender, despite how cruel life can be. The poem as a whole is uplifting in it's message and flows like it could have been a song. Thank you for sharing.

[Sira YR]

Thank you for commenting!

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jack Peaslee)]

You're welcome!

[Adam Adams]

"Through all of the struggles,
and obstacles that strive to bring me down
I carry on... "

loved these above lines. very aspiring. and the virtue of harsh reality have you cleverly penned up in these shortened words so smoothly. no matter what people be about and what they craps telling us doin' so, we always must carry on till we're reached beyond horizons. concept's very nice. layout's cool as well. liked it!

[Tony Jordan]

Tenacity in the face of all that Life throws at us makes for an inspiring journey through Life.
This reminded me of Invictus by Henley.
The refrain 'I carry on' has such innate power.
Well done here Raysira.

[Sira YR]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Jordan]

Welcome Raysira

[Sapientiam]

Wow... I never thought I could inspire anyone to write such a beautiful piece! This is beyond my capabilities because every word flowed so sweetly and lovely. I love the comparison you made with hope and peace to gold. It was that stanza that really made me understand how deep you can think. Great job, indeed!

[Sira YR]

Thank you so much. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

[Sira YR]

Sapientiam inspired me to write this after I read his poem Time of Passing. Enjoy and comment! P.S you should check out his works!!