Legacy

Legacy of the Bloodborn

Part 1

 

 

By: Max Cooper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright C. Anderson Publishing

 

ISNB: 978-1-304-19380-3

 

 

Chapter 1

 

By blood things are made, and by blood they are undone. Thus there will be a time of great bloodletting when all the world will be unmade, and yet, it will be made anew.

The First Word

            Summerset 1:6       

 

 

The sun burned the vast prairie as dry grass danced in the warm wind. Faint screams of women and children echoed along the rolling hills as a pillar of smoke lifted past the horizon’s edge. The earth quaked and rocks were jostled as two orcs raced over the hilltop and stumbled into the valley.

The elder of the two gasped for breath. The weight of his leather armor had become a burden " his mighty axe, an anchor. He slowed to a stop and fell to his knees. Sweat dripped from his face to the ground. The younger orc quickly turned and ran to his side.

“Urkog, we have to go,” the orc pleaded.

“No,” Urkog muttered fighting for breath. “They will track. We must split up. I will draw them till you escape.”

“I won’t leave you. We must go.”

“I promised your father I would protect you. I fail by slowing you.” Urkog pushed his ward away. “Go!”

The young orc reluctantly stepped away and fled up the next hill and out of sight. Urkog lifted himself up and tightened his grip on the old battle axe. He waited for his pursuers. He could hear them coming. Their loud metal armor clashed against itself. Their horses galloped across the soft earth. The knights darted into view; their black capes snapping like whips in the wind. Urkog drew in a deep breath before letting out a long roar and raising his axe to strike.

A spear flew under his arms and pierced into his chest. His axe fell from his grip. He stumbled to the dirt. For a moment, he found himself looking up at the clouds and the bright blue sky. The earth under him was soft and cool to his skin.

A gentle breeze tickled his face. The last rider grabbed the spear and ripped it out as he dashed by. Warm blood splashed Urkog’s face.

The riders galloped over the hills. Mud flew from the horse’s hooves. One of the knights spotted the fleeing orc in the distance. The knights quickened pace and closed on their prey. A massive man in dull iron armor led the pack.

 A large scar across his aged face compounded his fierce gaze. He used his giant hammer to direct and command his men to flank the running orc.

 A knight drew a rope from his saddlebag with stones tied to each end. He swirled it over his head before releasing it. The orc crashed to the ground as the rope wrapped around his legs. The knights encircled him, blocking his means of escape. The leader dismounted and approached carefully.

“I have to say, these beasts can run,” the knight who threw the rope commented.

He was a young man with a wild expression and deep blue eyes. The meticulous detail on his armor portrayed his posh upbringing and highborn family. His cold gaze spoke of his ruthlessness.

“Not many animals craft such fine steel as orcs, Duke Erik Longcoast.”

Erik shot an annoyed glance at his critic. “Well Stephen, any historian can tell you civilized nations are more than craft. I can understand how that would confuse you though, having no formal education.”

Stephen chuckled at the rebuttal. He was middle-aged with unkempt brown hair and common features. The beginnings of a beard were on his chin and cheeks.

“Is it him, my lord Baron?” Stephen asked the leader.

Baron Umbra grabbed the young orc by the neck, “Are you Del’Caf, son of the Warchief of the Wazog tribe?”

The orc spat in Umbra’s face. Umbra smacked the orc across the cheek. Blood splattered the brown grass.

“My lord, tell us, is it him or did we burn that village for nothing?” James the Red asked fixing his bow to a more comfortable position.

 Unlike his companions, he wore a simple leather vest and no helmet. His horse was smaller and his saddle simple. He could easily have been mistaken as a common hunter despite his high rank.

“It is not him,” Erik stated flatly.

“It’s him,” Koll asserted, brushing his blonde hair from his face.

“No one asked you, Northerner,” Erik barked. Koll clenched his teeth in distain.

“I was a Northerner once,” Baron Umbra muttered, returning to his feet, “a lifetime ago.”

“A different time and a different north,” Erik defended himself.

“Is it him?” Stephen asked again.

“It is,” Umbra concluded. “I saw the orc we killed with the Warchief at the meeting. He had to have been a guard. This is the son of the old Warchief, his only son. Koll, tie him to your saddle.” Umbra said, beckoning the young Northerner to him.

Koll dismounted and wrapped the orc’s wrists in thick ropes. The other rope end he tied to the saddle.

“You men in iron,” the orc hissed as they tied him. “You have no honor. What kind of beast uses the Peace Place as a scouting ground? The Warchief will beat the drums and the tribes will come. Then your bodies will be stripped of their iron and left for the crows.”

“I doubt the Warchief will risk his son by beating the drums.” Umbra asserted climbing on his steed. “I think he will sing the Life Song and make peace.”

“The Wazog will never sing the Life Song with you, invader,” Del’Caf spat. The troop of knights laughed at the orc’s defiance.

“We will see, young chief, we will see.”

“My lord, it will be nightfall before we get back to camp,” Sir Francis Drako said, “I doubt we want to be in open country at night.”

Francis was young and handsome with a silent demeanor. The sides of his head were closely shaven to prevent any enemy from grabbing his black hair. His armor, though hardly as elaborate as Erik’s, still showed his highborn status.

“We could make it at a gallop,” Erik commented.

“The orc is no good to us if his body is left in a hundred pieces across the plains,” Koll stated pulling the orc’s rope to force him to follow.

“He may not be any good to us whole,” Francis countered, “if the old Warchief refuses to deal.”

“He will deal,” Umbra asserted. “If there is one thing the orcs value, it is heritage. Without his son, the Warchief’s life force will cease after he passes, and his tribe will splinter. The old Warchief will do anything to prevent that, even deal with us.”

“You know nothing of my people!” Del’Caf protested, walking behind them.

“Silence, orc,” Umbra barked back.

“I hope you are right, my lord,” Stephen said, “else there will be a battle here unlike any of the current age.”

“Good,” Erik stated. “It’s been ten years since the last real fight. Battles harden the ranks. How will we Broken Lances preserve our status if we are not sharpened by war?”

“It must be a trait of younger men to desire war,” Umbra sighed fixing the iconic black cape on his back.  The silver four-pointed star has been the symbol of the elite guild for twenty years. “We best get moving if we are to get back before the orc scouts find us.”

“Yes, the Divines only know I have killed enough green skins for one day,” Erik smirked.

 

Reviews

[John Lauterbach]

The orcs felt a little Warcraft-y to me - they have dignity an honor and concern for each other as opposed to other fantasy I've seen/read where they're all brutish and terrible. Along with that comes a racism theme, totally showcased in the line about "Greenskins." Even funnier about that, it made me think of Redskins and how Europeans conquered the Native Americans as "invaders." Expanding on that point, I don't like how the orcs aren't described like the humans are. We're left to our judgments of what they look like from other fantasy rather than this one. What makes these orcs special or different from a stock orc? It makes them harder to care about when we don't know anything about them, even though they're being victimized at the start.

"Only a fool would avoid a settlement." read strangely to me. Because they were discussing the orc tribal army just before, I read 'settlement' as a military camp and decided the line made no sense until I stepped out of the story to put it in different context.

Some of the names felt cliched to me; Raven and Umbra being the two big ones. It made it harder for me to take them seriously. (After all that about prejudice and racism, here I am judging a character by their name. Incorrigible!)

I found a 'steal' where it should be 'steel.'

I really like the little story about the mass-poisoning, though I think it should be pushed back a little further into the story - after a little more Mesmer hate and when we know/care more about Umbra, but don't know the 'why' of him yet. I like the setup of the story, and aside from the cliches and that 'settlement' thing, I enjoyed reading it.

[annie lee]

This reads very gracefully. These first two chapters competently lay some of the foundation for the story, putting various characters and groups into their context. It does remind me of Tolkien and other fantasy authors (I am a "Song of Ice and Fire" addict), but it is enough of its own story to avoid being called copycat. I really like this genre. I love science fiction, but there is a tincture of OCD in me that urges me to explain all the science, and I don't KNOW science. That's why fantasy works for me: just like in the computer administration world from which I retired, I can explain everything with the statement "It's FM. effing magic." Have you looked at the Science Fiction/Fantasy online writing group? I renewed my membership there and will probably post chapters of my book there.
Enjoyed this.

[C. Anderson Publishing]

Thank you, I hope you enjoy the rest on Amazon. =)

[gombeggar]

some very good writing here...shades of Tolkien of course, but nice u have yer own style nonetheless

[C. Anderson Publishing]

Thank you, don't forget to read the rest on Amazon. =)

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

A lot of books don't give Orcs any kind of personality or character other then brainless halfwits intent on stabbing each other in the back........interesting here then that this book appears to expand on that. Does it continue in that style....or revert to type?

[C. Anderson Publishing]

Oh, they become much more complicated. Everything in the story is symbolic of an issue or problem in our modern society. The orcs are symbolic of minorities, namely native people. Which is why we choose orcs. Most people have a natural prejudgment towards orcs so they slip into the human character's racism easily. It is also why the orcs are not described in detail. It allows the reader to project their idea of an orc on them and thus makes it easier to judge them.

[Arutha]

So, first off... didn't Christoph review this piece as well? Just curious where it went... And speaking of curiosity! If I might ask, are you using Max Cooper's name so that people will think this is someone else's story and implicitly take a more honest approach to their critiques, or are you actually plugging someone else's story on your profile (you can answer with a message if it better maintains the integrity of some deep-cover pseudo-name ;-P)? Again, just curious! Anyhoo...

In terms of a review, I enjoyed the story. It had some really good elements in terms of the development of the plot. I will say that the chapters are extremely short, prologue length even (like 3-5 pages each in paperback), and the sentence structure could use a little deformity. Don't get me wrong, I think the story has some serious potential. I love classical fantasy creatures, and I can see that the author has a good start in terms of his writing style. On the other hand, the sentence structure could use some work. The sentences are more like statements than narration. They tend to have a very symmetric feel. When an artist tells you that things of nature should generally be painted in odd numbers, they say it for a reason. It's uneven, it feels raw and it flows. The same is true with sentence structure.

"The orc spat in Umbra’s face. Umbra smacked the orc across the cheek. Blood splattered the brown grass." This is a prime example. It just feels extremely monotone, as though I'm receiving a play-by-play from an ESPN announcer. All of the action is there, which is great, but it would be better served if there was a more uneven flow with richer detail. Another great example comes at the beginning of the piece where the author mentions two orcs coming over the hill. What is an orc? What does an orc look like? Have I seen the Lord of the Rings? Yes, but this is a new world I've never beheld. The only things I'll really take for granted are physics and humans. Beyond that, I need details.

That being said, the dialogue is good, and the piece has been edited quite well. I think the story is probably pretty good, assuming someone wanted to spend money to finish reading it; however, I honestly would probably not. It's better than a lot of amateur books out there, but it's not quite professional quality... yet!

[C. Anderson Publishing]

Appreciate the review. I am curious though, you say it is not yet professional quality on its style. Would you also say impressionist art is not professional quality art because it is a different style? You are right in saying it lacks details. It is on purpose. You may want to know whether the orcs have jutting jaws or humanish faces, but the average reader does not. This is not a story for hard-core fantasy people nearly as much as it is for the nonfantasy reader. And so it is written in a nonfantasy style with much less fluffy and color and length.

Again, thank you for the review and please tell your friends. =)

[Markwest]

Enjoyed very much. Good job.

[C. Anderson Publishing]

Thank you. The rest of the book can be found on Amazon.