ROPE

A bittersweet moment for a guy who knows more than just death.

I cannot hide the sadness on my face as I entered their house. The pain and the agony of loosing someone you truly love and someone you want to tie a knot with is eating my whole being.

Some people are staring at me but my eyes are glued at her coffin. The pain. I can't hold it anymore.  People called me a tough guy but this time everything in me seems to be soft. My everything is gone. The hot tears rolling down my eyes. It's like my heart stop beating. She owns it and she took it with her.

I slowly walk towards it.

I tried to touch the coffin and slowly looked at her pale face. Everything is emotionally difficult. I wanted to touch her face but the small glass window is not allowing me to feel her face once again. My hands are trembling above it. I wanted to shout. I wanted to kneel down in front of her and ask one more chance from God to have her. She is my everything. She is my all. My body is not allowing me to move. It is stunned to see her face with no life.

A touch on my arm brought me back to reality. "I know how you feel". her mother's sad face is not clear to me as tears keep falling on my eyes. I can't say anything. I just looked at her for a second and turned my sight back to my beloved. How I feel? It doesn't matter anymore. All I care is for her to be alive again. Memories keep flashing in my mind. Her smile. Her laugh. Her pretty looking face and eyes. It was a sweet sound and sight for me that brings happiness and smile on my face. Now, it brings pain and suffering. Like heart being nailed again and again every time I remember those memories.

I was about to whisper something to my beloved when I heard a guy saying something that made me angry. "That girl deserves to be murdered. I believe the reason why the murderer strangled her with a rope in the forest is because she is a nagger. Everyone hates her. Anyone could thank the murderer for that." The guy said mockingly to his friends.

On impulse, I throw a punch at his face and broke off his nose. I looked at him with a hard stare. I want to pour all my hatred towards him at that moment but a lot of people are trying to stop us. Some are holding my shoulders. "What the-!". I heard the man said.

I want to punch him real bad so that he could feel how hurt I am for saying things like that to my beloved. I was about to give him another but then I saw my fiancee's mother face on the side looking so sad. I felt embarrassed loosing my patience in their house.

I walked out. I walked out and into the forest where my beloved was killed. I shouted and cry. I knelt down as tears poured in my eyes. I was exhausted from all the sleepless nights and pain.

I then remembered something on my pocket.

I took it out. It's the rope that I used.

I slowly smiled and released an evil laugh.

Author's Note

I don't know if you'll like this one. I hope you do. I just want to try suspense and see if I am an effective writer on this kind. ;)

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'Rope'
CAPOLAVORO,
Your abilities to create a story are good. This story was believable,(at least to me) untill the end where it spins out. The pain of loss is something which can be an incredible place to process for the reader where so much hurt may dwell. The ending felt like a slap in the face to all the characters, main and behind the scenes of your writing. All that said you accomplished what you set out to do which is good for you. I suppose as writers a person wants to challenge themselves. You have done that so I am happy for you.
blessings,
Kathy

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

nicely written... I love this poem.. keep on writing

[The Exiled Wolf]

Somehow while reading the story was thinking "if I am to write the story, I will make sure it is the sad man to kill his beloved - it makes the whole thing interesting" - and in the end - "oops this idea is taken!" I guess we're pretty similar in terms of making stories dark.

While the story itself is good, I would prefer a third person's point of view. The emotions described in the first part is too real that it is hard to believe that even an evil person can convince himself to say all those things in his mind to mourn for someone he just murdered.

Besides that, the story is well structured, and I really LOVE the plot twist. A good try!

Wolf

[Nigel Newman]

Hi there. As others have said, there are several errors of grammar, spelling, continuity, tense, etc in this and I almost stopped reading. Your descriptions of the room where the coffin was are very sketchy - we could do with more explanation. Do folks just come and go? Are the family there throughout? What is the room like? Are people normally silent? Is there a priest there? Had you greeted her mother already or did she just start talking to you when she saw you there? Etc etc etc.

All that said, I really LOVE the hook at the end! As for all this stuff about rope not fitting in your pocket, it would fit comfortably if it was a thin nylon rope, so I wouldn't worry about that.

[CAPOLAVORO]

Thank you so much for the review Nigel. Yes, I did thought about putting all of the description about the room and people and all but the laziness in me took in. Hehe I'll try to remind myself about that next time. :)

[Nigel Newman]

Laziness? Laziness? But you expect people to take the time to read your writing then feed back and make suggestions to help you?

[CAPOLAVORO]

Oh. Sorry if the words reaches you in a bad way. I just meant no harm. i really do appreciate you reading and reviewing it as I need it also. It's just that I am confused sometimes that is why I need some review to help it be clear and I would also try to choose what makes it comfortable for me to have. :)

[emmajoy]

' The pain. I can't hold it anymore. '

I do like it, it's a clever concept, finely phrased, makes for drama.. and then at the end, gives a startling touch of ...
Of course readers will have their own way of analysing a post, some in a negative way, others kinder and more appreciative of the start, finish and of course, the vital in between. Imagination set free is what matters.

[CAPOLAVORO]

I understand what you are trying to say Emmajoy. Thank you for having the time to read and let your imagination fly. I also like the line you quoted. I just want to keep it simple. :)

[Arvad Lazar]

Great one. To be honest, I thought about giving up at the point when a touch on your arm brought you back. But continued reading and I quiet enjoyed it. I skipped few lines though (:P).

[CAPOLAVORO]

Haha I totally understand you. Sometimes I felt like that also. Thank you so much for still reading it Arvad. :)

[duff]

Emotionally aggressive, suspenseful and the twist was a nice touch. Nice work my friend.

[CAPOLAVORO]

Thank you so much Duff. Your review made me happy. :)

[duff]

You're welcome and my pleasure:)

[Tony Jordan]

Split personality thrills here.
A few teeny errors (spelling, tense, etc) but not enough to render the ending effective.
Good one!

[CAPOLAVORO]

Thank you so much Tony. Yeah he could have a split personality in here. He could also be the mother at the same time the guy he just hit on. He is a total psycho.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That has a nice twist at the end but I totally agree with Relic on how could anyone fit a rope in a pocket?
You described the emotions of the man really well. I wish you had added on to the fact on why he killed her. This could be longer. But it's a good one indeed.

[CAPOLAVORO]

Thank you so much for reading Yumnakay. Yeah, adding something would be a good imagery to consider. I will try next time then. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

you're welcome. A pleasure always :)

[Relic]

I thought the story was good with an evil twist at the end. I must admit, I was slightly (just sightly) disappointed at the end.

How do you fit a rope you used to kill someone in your pocket?

[Arvad Lazar]

Imagine yourself doing it. Or may be give it a try (evil laugh).

[Relic]

lol I think I'd rather just yell at somebody.

[CAPOLAVORO]

Yelling and letting out your anger could be the best option Relic. Killing would not be the good one always. This guy needs to have a lesson for that. Anyways, yeah the rope on the pocket thing sounds crazy lol. It could be somewhat a nylon actually. Sorry for just saying rope. You can just fit a small one in your pocket just good for the neck size lol. I actually tried it already. hehe Just kidding.