Ryuukai the master mind

The bell rang to go home it was a Friday. Kaze, Boken, and Rachel were hanging out. something was troubling Rachel. "Rachel wahat is on your mind today?" asked Boken. "Well my dad is probably be getting his disability check. He got really injured when he was in the accident. when he gets hid money the first thing he buys is..." Boken realized that she was scared to go home. Boken was only there once but could tell it must have been horrible. "you hang out at Roin's place for the weekend. he is an excellent cook."

"Wait don't you live with Roin ?" her face grew beet red.

"Yes what of it?"

Nice work Boken cutting to the chase. its about time you started macking."

"Uh, sorry i didn't mean to..." realizing what he was just asking.

"Never mind Rachel  you don't have to."

"No, its okay i should go and stay over the weekend my dad gets really derogatory when he starts to drink," she was still red in the face. "to be in love again Kaze says as he walks off. "I'm going to the mall to meet some pretty ladies."

"He has a one-track mind."

"Well he is certainly a character.'

"That's one way to put it," Boken responded. they headed toward Rachel's house to pick up her stuff. Boken walked in only to find out her dad was already passed out. "Is something wrong Boken?"

'Men like this disgust me. all they do is hide behind their despair to excuse their wrong doings. i hate men like this," this was the first time Rachel ever saw him with resentment is his eyes. "Yeah he may be a bad father but he is my father. if I didn't tolerate my father, I fear he may kill himself. I am the only family he has left in this world. People can only change if they want to. "forgive me Rachel I meant not to speak  against your sacrifice," said Boken snapping out of the resentment. let us head over to my caretakers."

.......................................................................................................................

There was apartment, there was a man that looked like a taller version of Renji. This man on the other hand, wore his crimson hair down and not in a traditional ponytail. His eyes were a dark orange, he wore a jigen or Japanese long sword on his back. the man wore a robe tied together with a black belt. "well what is the verdict Kazejin?" 

"what ever do you mean Ryuukai?" Kaze said sarcastically. "Did you enjoy your reunion before you have to say goodbye." 

"Well I will be by the time this is over."

"Good do not worry I will not send you to kill him unless Umiko fails."

 "so in other words you expect fro her to fail even though her desire for revenge is strong."

"Her thirst for revenge but her will is weak."

"well that's up to you isn't it Ryu?"

"a rhetorical question? well make sure when I do send you not to come back a failure or i will pierce your heart with my blade."

"well you know me  rather not die, just yet man." 

"keep that in mind.' another tall warrior came in he wore a heavy armor on his shoulders and chest. he had the samurai pants with combat boots, his sword. was as long as his body and was wide. it went from mid shoulder to mid shoulder. he had the traditional samurai ponytail, his eyes were brown, he was seven feet tall. he carried himself as a Honorable man where the other was a man with malicious intent. "hey Banzen been a while. It has, i have not seen you since you dropped out of the war god school sword play." 

"heh, well i was just too cool for all those sweaty men plus there were no women what kind of school is that?" 

"you will never change Aeroku."

 

Reviews

[Esana Bridges]

I like most of the dialogue, although I can't really imagine anyone using the word "derogatory" in a normal setting as well as "I meant not to speak against your sacrifice" which sounds a bit awkward. Consider "I did not mean to speak against your sacrifice."

Also, I like how you used more paragraphs in this chapter, but it looks like you slacked off a bit near the end of the first part. Paragraphs are very important.

Consider adding more details concerning Boken's reaction to Rachel's father, because until Rachel's question I didn't realize that he was upset.

Again, I like your description of the character's appearance. Try not to tell us that he's an honorable man. Show us.

[PokemonFan#1]

Yay! Another chapter read, another chapter finnished. I really, really, REALLY love this book so much!! I know I've said Boken is my favorite character so many times, so I'll stop (though I sorta just said now; oh well). It's got such a great and magnificent story line; I just don't wanna stop reading!

Keep it up!
=^_^=

[Margarette]

This is a pretty interesting chapter. Even though there are no action scenes in this one, the cool conversation happening between Boken and Rachel really is a must-read. Very well-written and astonishing as it is!

[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

Sweetness! New characters!