Goodbye, Love

I learned a lot about myself and other people that summer.

            Suitcases and sobbing girls lined the narrow hallways of Hughes dormitory.  I seemed to be the only girl on the sixth floor that had thus far been able to keep her wits about her.  It was the end of a short, glorious two weeks.  It seemed impossible that we had grown so close so quickly.  I watched as puffy-eyed girls exchanged tear-stained phone numbers and hiccupping promises to keep in touch.  There was a small group in a corner that had completely lost composure and were now far beyond forming words or thoughts; they merely clung to each other and cried.  Every door had been thrown open in an attempt to help diffuse the despair which permeated every corner.

            The surviving remnants of junk food, mainly Oreos and Chex mix, were being devoured less from hunger than from the need of distraction.  You could smell the salt from the Chex on the air. 

            It was a sticky, humid kind of hot outside that required either gills or a gun.  The small air conditioners could only feebly cool the hallways by a few degrees, all of which were cancelled out by the large tearful mob regardless.  

My wristwatch told me that it was nearly twelve.  I began to make my way down the hallway, feeling it press in on me with its gloom.  I bade farewell to all the new friends I had made, promising, like everyone, to keep in touch.  I found my roommate in the hysterical corner, and she pulled me in, hugging me so tightly that I had to struggle for breath.  I tried, half-heartedly, to calm her, but she remained inconsolable.  I patted her head in what I hoped was a consoling way and continued down the hallway.

            As I saw everyone, memories of them flashed before my eyes.  The time Diana taught everyone how to dance in the common room, the time Dani came up with the idea to throw “sanitary napkins” adorned with ketchup onto the boys’ floors, the time Becca managed to pin it on the girls in the other dorm…  Like in a dream, they were already slightly hazy.  I felt a small shiver of fear—I did not want to forget.  I did not ever want to forget this feeling of belonging, of family.

            As the hallway stretched out before me, my resolve to hide my tears was weakening.  I started to run down the hallway, to the very end, and flew into the last room on the right.  I threw my arms around a slightly startled girl who was just finishing packing her things.  She patted my shoulder gently and returned the hug.  I could smell her shampoo, and for some reason the sweet, fruity scent made me feel slightly less afraid, just for that moment.  When I let her go, both of us had tears staining our cheeks.  Her large green eyes, usually sparkling with mischief behind narrow rectangular spectacles, now sparkled with tears.  She was the type of person who was always laughing, and her tears made me sadder than my own.  Able to think of nothing else, I handed her my last cookie.  A watery laugh rang out, and she handed me her last cookie also.

            As we ate, I realized that her radio was on.  I recognized the song as one from Rent, the musical.  It was called ‘Goodbye, Love’.  We sang the last few lines together sadly, almost bitterly.  As the song ended, my clock struck twelve.  We exchanged a few hollow words and promises to call.

            Walking back down that hallway, that for all its current sadness could still recall the joyous, carefree laughter that rang out, echoing against its age-yellowed walls, I felt something within me change.  I felt the adamant, carefully composed denial slip away, leaving me cruelly exposed and vulnerable at the time when I most needed my sanity.  I felt a hysterical, irrational panic rising in my chest; an overwhelming, inexplicable fear.  I hurriedly collected my suitcases and sped to the elevator, trying to outrun the onslaught of emotions threatening to burst.  It was for some reason extremely important that no one see me in this moment of weakness.  The moment the doors slid shut, I sank to the dull, metallic floor and gave myself to the utter anguish that accompanies leaving friends behind. 

            There has never, in all of history, been a longer elevator ride than the one that brought me to the ground floor of the building that day.  While waiting for the bus outside, my sweat growing indistinguishable from my tears, I found a note in my pocket:

            Goodbye, love.

 

Author's Note

I never in a million years thought that it was possible to feel that strongly for any one person after only two weeks... Read, review, commiserate, enjoy.

Reviews

[Cassya77]

I almost want to cry, this is so sad... I stand in awe at you ability to depict emotion in the real world and capture it so splendidly on paper. I give you a standing ovation for you tearful goodbye. I am reminded of the times that i have had to split from people i knew only for a short time, that seemed almost like family.