One Drop.

I'm a ghost, of all that I can never be.
The ground calls me and so does the sky.
But I'm hopelessly floating somewhere in the middle.
Running smoke all over my body.
Grey over pale skin.
A tired red giving life beneath.
All I want, is a license to feel.
Terrible and unable to rise up.
Locked inside the prison of mind.
I tremble with fear.
And out of so many willing shoulders for me to cry on, I chose the lonely.
She has sparkling beautiful eyes.
She does not judge me.
She keeps me safe.
I love her, the lonely.
I want a license to feel worthless.
I'm a piece of flesh, loved yet still unloved.
So many doors are open, but the one leading to my heart is jolted.
While my lost courage swallows it's key.
This intensity, kills me.
Why can't I handle so much emotional weight?
My thirst for perfection is my biggest enemy.
Anybody, can anybody just understand me, my actions and truths.
Yes, I have a dark side.
I love it.
It has helped me find my whole self.
There isn't any clarity.
No aim to reach.
No dream to catch.
Just a desire for those little moments of happiness.
Beyond this fear, I know lies a paradise.
I f*****g don't know how to reach it.
But I know I will.
Otherwise the ground is there.
Any rational mind can't picture this.
I might be foolish and stupid.
I wish I had a license to not justify my emotions or myself.
Because I am the way God had made me.
With all the different shades.
If I keep denying these shades, I deny God.
I deny myself and so my life.
Fine, I'm a wrecking failure.
I'm failing at something I don't mind failing at.
But the places where I mind failing, I swear I'm going to fix it
It is fine to be not so good.
It is fine to have wasted away those days.
You are back again, even if a drop more stronger than before.
Sometimes all it requires is a drop to taste the essence of an entire ocean.
Carry this drop.
Pour it in your blood.
Let it flood your consciousness.
And before you know it, your heart will be the source, of the oceans of oceans.

It all starts with just one drop.