Reflections...

A topic close to my heart.

On the roadside a young girl sits.

Questions scrawled across her face.

Creases sit, like crumpled paper upon her youthful skin.

Remnants lay visible of life’s harsh grip.

 

Sheltered, only by the wind’s soft exhale,

Listlessly, combing through unwashed hair.

Protected, only by night’s dark shade,

Loneliness, hidden by its blackened veil.

Cared for, only by the moon’s guiding light.

Golden streams pierced the black empty night.

Warmed, only by the sunrise, its lava eased the dark.

The sky is bruised, blood-red and grey as sunrise colours fused.

 

Another day, roadside begins.

Her fragile face, cracked,

Like lines in the pavement on which she sat.

Searching for answers, blue eyes, bluer than the oceans tide,

Hopelessly wandering across the sea of faces,

In morning rush the face racing.

Looking for a glimmer of hope,

Someone… anyone… notice her?

I reach out my hand only to… bump…

Into a shops display window, then I see,

The broken reflection looking back was me.

Author's Note

Hi everyone. This is a personal topic, one close to my heart. I wanted to learn more and build on my skills so I got advice from another writer. Then I decided to do a writing exercise and this is the result. I hope you like it. Feedback is always welcome as it is a chance for me to learn and grow. Thanks for stopping by.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Wow! The piece was beautiful constructed. It's flow was spot on and smooth. The images that you wove within this ink, reached out and grabbed the reader, pulling them in to feel and see every little ounce of writen reality.
This is the type of poem that leaves a reader in their chair, contemplating in silent revery about the passage of time, the place we fill in life and the roads walked and the roads we never got to.

GREAT INK! Thank you for sharing this finely crafted piece!
Aaron - Wolfwind

[Broken Wings]

Thank you so much for your kind review Aaron. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I am grateful for your words and I am glad that it made you contemplate and that it grabbed you in, that was what I was hoping for. Thanks again my friend.
Leah.

[Wolfwind]

You are very welcome! I truly enjoyed the feeling of being intoxicated by this peice of ink. =)

[Relic]

This is a great poem for an exercise. The twist at the end was not forced or expected and had real impact. I think you did a great job on this. Nice writing.

[Broken Wings]

Thank you so much Relic! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it had impact, that was what I was hoping for :)

[Relic]

You're welcome.

[Ravyne Hawke]

This is amazing, Leah! You maintained the saddened tone throughout the entire piece, displayed some wonderful imagery, and ended with a twist. This is my favorite image:

The sky is bruised, blood-red and grey as sunrise colours fused.

That is one of the best descriptions I have seen of a melancholy sunrise. I think the exercise you did has already worked wonders for your writing. I look forward to many more of your poems.

[Broken Wings]

Thank you so much Lori. I read some of Sylvia Plath's writing, it is amazing! I am going to get one of her books. I'm also reading an educational poetry book, learning techniques and how to improve myself. The exercise was simple, it was to write one mundane sentence about the world, then list as many descriptive words as I could think of, then put them into sentences, then condense. I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much I'm really glad you like it.

[Ravyne Hawke]

Sylvia Plath is one of my favorite poets.. her work never ceases to amaze me. I am glad you found a good educational book on poetry. I have one called Writing Poetry by Barbara Drake and some of the exercises are quite good there too.

[Broken Wings]

Yes she is amazing! I was in awe reading her work. Thanks Lori, I'll have to look that one up!

[DJ]

Totally agree with the review below. A beautifully crafted piece of writing! One of the best I have seen from you. The imagery used is amazing, captivating. I could feel the cold night, then the relief and warmth that the sunrise brought, the colors filled my mind. A sad topic, but one that is a reality for many people. You gave amazing insight into it and did it justice. I can see you working on your skills in this piece. I love how you say that you want to learn more, great attitude.
"The sky is bruised, blood-red and grey as sunrise colours fused."
I love this line, it painted a picture of a sunrise, using a lens that I never thought of before, a bruise. Clever indeed. Keep writing, it was a joy to read.

[Broken Wings]

Thank you Cairo. Yes WC is a place where I can learn from those more experienced than me. I want to build my skills and continue improving, some of the writers on here are just amazing. I hope to be able to write that well some day.