The One...

A purging of the torment, passed.

Mentally draining, trauma suffered over the years

Anxiety and sadness making me feel impaired

Numb, unable to love or be loved

Can’t get too close, can’t be touched

Everything seems to trigger me now

A loud noise echoes, flashbacks of memories so foul

How am I supposed to live a life like this?

Too damaged to be alive, too insignificant to miss

All I’ve done for so long is purely survive

Now I have to try to live on and thrive

University, a future, I have to push through

I get dragged back, made to feel I’m being untrue

To the person that I was, that worthless child

Who covered up the body that others defiled

The one who grew up tortured, in dysfunction

Soul scarred and battered from other peoples’ sin

The one who slept alone out on cold concrete

The one with broken promises laid dead at her feet

The one whose innocence was stolen and abused

The one who numbed the pain with substances she used

The one with scars down her arm representing blooded pain

The one who tried to end it all by choking a dead vein

There is no blood left to bleed inside of me

In the past I would have run, for internally

My worth has been engraved into my soul

By all of those tormentors from days of bitter cold

Regardless of my past I know that I just have to be

Loyal to that broken person inside of me

That is why I have to fight these demons

That stops me from allowing anybody in

Get too close ill push you away

That is the price I continue to pay

I am trying, fighting my hardest to stay alive

Pushing against the darkness that doesn’t want me to survive

I wave my white flag, surrender, try to understand

God heal my heart and hold on to my hand

I want to live in peace from now until the end

Author's Note

I love hearing from you, honest feedback and comments always welcome.

Reviews

[FateDictates]

I could feel the fight, the desperation, exhaustion..really like your work

[Broken Wings]

Thank you so much!

[Jason Toomey]

this was absolutely amazing

[Broken Wings]

Thank you so much!

[Wolfwind]

Its hard for me to relate to the negativity that your words have painted so well. Yet, the imagery works to instill as sense of melancholy that offers a window into the emotions one might feel to have endured so much.
While we all have things that hurt and pain us in our lives, I guess everybody is different in how they handle it.
Your piece here seems to speak to me of having gone through much to finally give in and cry for help towards God.

Last line Stanza 6 "internally?" or eternity? Wasn't sure what you were going for with that line.

Thanks for sharing your ink!!
Aaron