Blue Shirt

just wrote it. it's been a while.

The people just don’t understand.

You’re melting away. Yea, you’re melting away.

They can’t see past your bright blue eyes.

Beneath your surprise you’re just covered in lies.

All you wanted was a cigarette.

Just to calm your nerves, just to try and forget.

Instead you got a glass of wine,

And the night took over and they’re fading away.

 

All you try to see was

A dirty blue shirt, and a Hollywood script.

Pieces of a puzzle.

Stuck beneath your table,

Were your long lost dreams, you’re never nineteen.

Not ‘till we’re gone.

 

You’ve been wandering down sixty-six.

Tryin to find your way, and you’re looking for someone.

Your map is missing centerfold.

The cracks in the center, it’s just way too old.

Your never gonna find him there.

The cities too big and the lights are all blinding.

But maybe he’s still waiting too.

And you’ll find him there, and you’ll ask him to join you.

 

All you try to see was

A dirty blue shirt, and a Hollywood script.

Pieces of a puzzle.

Stuck beneath your table,

Were your long lost dreams, you’re never nineteen.

Not ‘till we’re gone.

 

Sometime soon you’ll make it there.

And you’ll find yourself, and you’ll find what’s missing.

Don’t we know that it’s not goodbye.

Cause you’re on the train and it’s just begun.

My car is trying to keep up.

But it’s just too slow; yea I’m just too slow.

 

All you try to see was,

My dirty blue shirt, my broken up peace.

I’m faster than your bullet.

Just beyond your dreams,

Was the vision of me, trying just to be,

Right where you wanted.

Reviews

[Leslie Philibert]

Like the way you include a lot of details,you tell a story but leave enough open to make the reader work to understand.A good poem.

[Tai Ryens]

Some of the lines confused me, especially the two lines "Were your long lost dreams, you're never nineteen. Not 'till we're gone.". I don't quite comprehend that nicely, maybe you could do some rereading and editing? It really is your choice.
Despite that, there were some lines that were really intriguing, very powerful, such as 'faster than your bullet' and 'trying to keep up'.
You've got some nice idea's here, you just need to rephrase them to be more powerful than they already are. Nice write.

[amdc101]

This could be very powerful, but at places it was confusing and hard to follow. Try rereading it as if you are a random reader, not the writer. Pretend you don't have any insight into what this is about. :)

[Little Birdie]

Kind of made me tear up. I like it.

[Sarah]

nice work

[Shep]

Love the idea. Like the poem. I could tell you spent a lot of time on it. Vibe is fantastic.nicely done.

[Vinod Kumar U K]

Interesting theme selection and nice construction of the poetic pillar to long live...