You and Me

I wish you were here, and just with me,

So I can show you. and then you’ll see.

And then you’ll understand and just forget.

And forget and forgive and just relive.

And sometime soon you’ll try to see,

When you’re blind, but with your touch,

It’s just you and me

 

So please, this time try to tell me,

Just so you’ll never forget.

And try to relive what you’ll never regret.

And try to suspend in never ending time,

What you’ll never  respect,

What you may never see.

That sometimes it’s just you and me.

 

Remember that time you said my name,

And remember when I ignored you then,

Let’s try to think and remember the same,

The past and the future collide; and somehow,

It’s just you and me.

 

You tried to think like you tried to pray

And you just couldn’t say what you wanted to be,

Alone with me, alone for a day,

Hidden in secrecy,

Just you and me.

 

Let’s set a truce and draw a map,

And carve the mountains and draw the line,

And set the border to where we’ll find,

The peace in time when all lines change.

And maybe then we can rearrange,

And then we’ll see,

If it can just be,

Just me and you.

 

And sometime soon, maybe you’ll get it,

When I say no, maybe you’ll see,

That nothing is the end,

And sometime soon, it’ll be just you and me.

And the next time I’m there,

Maybe I’m a ghost, maybe I’m a hoax,

But maybe I’m real

But maybe this time,

It’s just you and me.

Author's Note

ignore punctuation

Reviews

What I enjoyed:

1) Great sense of rhythm. And that's coming from a percussionist :)
2) "And try to relive what you’ll never regret." I love original thoughts, and this is one of them.
3) "couldn’t say what you wanted to be," Simple, heard it many times before, but within the context of the poem, it became fresh and poignant.

What could be changed:

1) "And try to suspend in never ending time," I think there could a more powerful alternative to "never ending time"
2) "The past and the future collide; and somehow," The word "collide" is strong here, but I feel as if something else could be even stronger.
3) "And set the border to where we’ll find," I know you said to ignore punctuation, but I couldn't help saying that this line could be better without the comma, flowing into the next line seamlessly.

[Sarah]

nice work. i don't normaly like long poems but that was real nice. well done...

[amdc101]

Let’s set a truce and draw a map,
And carve the mountains and draw the line,
And set the border to where we’ll find,
The peace in time when all lines change.
And maybe then we can rearrange,
And then we’ll see,
If it can just be,
Just me and you.

My favorite part. Very nice rhythm and flow...and overall a great poem.

[BrynnaW.]

Flows very nicely. I really enjoyed reading it. A very well written poem. Good job! Keep on writing!

[Marcello]

I love it. It flows so nicely. This is my first review, and I'm glad I got to read yours first :) Hopefully mine will at least make people think. They're not the greatest, but it's what I have. I hope to read more of your poems.

[Sammy]

This is truely beautiful and heart-felt, my heart swelled up when I read this.

[Rene Velez]

nice play with words and a proper rhyme scheme that jumps, nice write...