This Time

This time, let your words do your singing.

Let your voice move the air.

Let the trees do their growing,

And watch as all the leaves fall.

 

In the distant hall,

We’ll still call your name,

And beg that you go,

And come back someday.

 

This time don’t try, only watch.

We all have to learn someday.

Take a seat inside your void.

Your hopes can wait.

They won’t be late.

But don’t forget, your dreams can hide.

 

It’s your turn now,

All of this is yours.

Don’t try and don’t forget,

Don’t misinterpret me,

And I’ll be waiting for you.

 

There she goes; and gorgeous as always.

Nothing’s changed when dreams are tamed,

And caged and beat and forced to escape.

To find freedom with you.

 

You have to try.

Try to run away.

And meet me where, you’ll always go.

I’ll find you there, and then we’ll hide,

Inside our dreams.

That can finally be free.

Author's Note

ignore basic punctuation.

Reviews

What I enjoyed:

1) "Take a seat inside your void." Love the tone of that line.
2) "Nothing’s changed when dreams are tamed," I enjoy the sound of this line.
3) "To find freedom with you." I enjoy how this stops the reader in a good way to contemplate.

What could change:

1) "This time, let your words do your singing." My gut is telling me that "do" here could be improved upon. Maybe a different phrase entirely would increase its awesomeness.
2) "We all have to learn someday." My gut is telling me that this line has something more to add to it, or that it could be shaped into something stronger.
3)" Don’t misinterpret me," For some reason, it seems like this line is out of place.

[Sarah]

well. it's very good. I liked it. it was very good. it was cachy. Good job...

[Sbernie18]

Thanks a lot! I've been meaning to put up some new stuff

[amdc101]

This is really interesting and beautiful. I liked it a lot. Keep writing! :)

[Marie Harrison]

Fun poem

Nothing’s changed when dreams are tamed,
And caged and beat and forced to escape.
To find freedom with you.

[Sameera]

Very nice read! Simple words, lot of meaning and beautifully strung in a nice flow.

[BrynnaW.]

I really liked this poem! It was a nice read! You wrote it very well and most of the time unless they tell me to show them punctuation mistakes I won't type them into the box. Anyway, a very nice poem. I enjoyed reading it. Good job and keep on writing!