Hello everyone, I've been feeling endless pain all this week. The suffering of lonleyness hurts me non stop and my soul is sad. All I could think about was killing myself, thinking about I was going to die all alone, why is God letting me suffer like this.? Pain clouds your judgment about yourself, others, God, etc. But today I'm calm and I pulled the strength to type this to everyone and pray. You know very well that suicide will only bring you to hell, but those who are strong of faith will have foreverlasting life with the lord. Yes, the thought of going through unbearable pain at a young age and have years to go, or have been suffering a long time in their life makes you want to blame yourself. At some point you can't take the abuse your giving yourself and begin to blame god. He is sorry that all his children go through pain, but think of it as a test. Pass this test, clear your mind and think about the faith you want to put into god, think about how much you want to continue his work. Yesterday I found out that the religious nots I left around the school encouraged others to leave notes around the school as well, and I feel like the lord is proud of me. If you suicide, who will continue passing the notes? People will look up to you for being brave to do gods work in the world and knowing that you wasn't as strong of faith as they thought, the encouragement you put on people could disappear. As much as I want to end myself at times, the suffering is worth it because your inspiring people and keeping faith will get you life.
I say this to everyone who is suffering or knows someone who is suffer: I beg you, don't give in. Our bodies and soul are weak, but can be strengthen in Jesus name. Don't let pain cloud your judgment, right now, clear your mind and pray to the lord, ask him to strengthen you and forgive your sin, and do his work.