Infatuation Or, The Sin of Jealousy and Envy.

Okie, this is by far my longest ever. Somewhat dark, but has a nice ending :) I personally like it, it's originally from a dream. This is sort of based on something in my life. Thisis just the start.

I look up at my young lover,

Feel her gentle hand as she rubs the side of my head.
She was only 7 years old;

yet to me, she was old enough to love.

I listened as she told me of her day.

I had adopted her shortly after my husband died.

I realized after him, that I couldn't love another man.

So instead, I adopted her thinking that I could be a single mother.

I had not expected to fall in love with her.

It was at this point that my insanity began.

I didn't want to be lonely.

So I would do anything for her.

Soon, the love I felt turned into infatuation.

The Story

I looked up at her, smiling.

My beautiful 7 year old lover, who would never leave me; so I thought.

I could never see the insanity creeping up on me.

Things went great until she turned 8.

Slowly, she started spending less and less time with me.

More and more with her friends.

I became more and more desperate.

I would watch her play from afar.

When she was back, I would do anything I could to savor the moment.

I would take many pictures, shower her with gifts.

But still, she seemed to be getting farther and farther away.

This continued for 6 more long years.

Until one day, when she was 14, she got a boyfriend.

Two new feelings were born in me that day:

Jealousy, and Envy.

I was both jealous, and envious of the boy.

When she was home, he was all she would talk about.

When she was out, he was all she would be with.

The loneliness slowly crept back into me.

Slowly, I broke, the insanity slowly taking over my body.

It would take 8 years before I became fully broken.

I would sit, waiting for her call; but it never came.

Finally, on the day before her wedding day she called.

Told me to come and visit her.

I found some of the pictures of her; and her husband.

I wondered why I hadn't gotten any; and thought these must be the ones they were going to send.

My formerly beautiful eyes glazed over,

she was all I could think about.
I had always carried a knife with me.

So, when he tried to stop me, rage suddenly took over.

There was a sickening crunch as the blade stabbed through his eye.

An insane laugh escaped me, as I continued walking.

Suddenly feeling better, feeling that she would come back.

But when she ran in, she screamed.

Draped over him, crying and screaming, 

I just kept walking, the blood dripping from the blade.

She stopped me, began yelling and hitting at me.

I kept smiling, the voices in my head talking to me.

But as she hit me, I became confused.

I asked her why she's hitting me, I had done a good thing.

Then she began yelling and telling me that she hated me;

and the rage came back, and I stabbed at her...

She fell dead at my feet, before I realized what was happening.

I looked down, finally coming back to myself.

Finally realizing what I had done, I began shaking,

I checked her pulse, tried to revive her,

but she was already dead.

While this was happening, I didn't realize see the blue and red police lights,

and when I reached for the knife,

intending too kill myself.

But there was a sudden flash, stunning me.

The door was kicked down, and men came in screaming.

I screamed for them to kill me,

but instead they just captured me...

Courthouse.

I got my day in court, and my lawyer actually did his best.

He told my story, and tried to get them to do the death penalty.

But instead they just put me in a mental ward.

I would scream every day for a year for people to kill me.

They considered it normal, and never tried to kill. 

One day, 10 years later, when I had completely given up hope,

Pictures of her arrived.

When they were given too me, with a note, that says 
"You're forgiven", I had a heart attack, and, while they tried their best,

they couldn't revive me.

Afterlife

I went too the Valley of Death,

Which led too the field of memories.

I was forced too watch my whole life over again.

From my abusive, rapist parents, to my abusive husband.
Finally, I got to the point where I adopted her.

I seen where I fell in love, and was forced too watch all the mistakes I made.

Many of which I couldn't believe I had made, and I had a strong desire too correct them.

All of a sudden, a strange, white text appeared.

It said: "Do you want a second chance"

I did.

The text seemed to respond; "Wake up" 
I didn't understand what it meant...

Then their was a strange, inaudible voice with the text; and it said "Wake up"

I looked around, but still didn't understand.

Finally, the third time, the voice of my young lover came;

and said "Wake up!"

Waking up

I woke up quickly, finding myself in her arms.

I smiled, and gently kissed her.

She smiled back, and hugged me tightly.

We talked for a long time...

Over the years later.

Over the years that followed, me and her stayed together.

I was surprised that she'd want too stay with me,

but she did.

I never did repeat the mistakes, and I always remembered that dream.

We lived happily ever after.

The End :)

Author's Note

This was based on a dream, I rushed the end so someone could read it :)

Reviews

[Bunnycorn]

I must agree. xD After I reread it, I just realized. What the f**k was I thinking with that ending xD

[Honey]

woah...
that was awesome ^0^
except i think its a little too happy at the end...
sorta like "ive just told you the story of how i went nuts, but im okay now :D, the end"
i think maybe you should try to make it a bit more... believable? satisfying? i dunno... otherwise, its really, good. i really like your descriptive-ness

[Matthew Kult]

An interesting look at what insanity really is. Could you say it was her fault after seeing all the years of abuse. DId she get reborn as a molestor? or was she always going to be that way? You touched a lot of subject matter and I being one who likes the dirty little details would ask for them, but in this case I will pass. You however may need to tighten up the main story a bit, offering more details between the years.


Regards,

Matthew

[CaptainWak]

You went pretty in depth for the spiral down to insanity. If you make any changes, I'd say keep up the descriptive pattern you have going here. Definitely a strong start though.

[Bunnycorn]

I'd like to get some feedback before I continue.