Silent Hell

My struggle to regain my life.........

                                                                    Silent Hell

 

 

On one of the coldest nights she pulls the covers up tigher around her. Wondering why she choose this place at this time of year. She knows why. It was becuase this place was away from all, segragated, alone is what she wanted. She also remembers what it tolk to get away from him. She shutters at the thaught of him and the silint hell she was living.  The person that was killing her a little each more with every day she spent with him. She shutters not from the cold but the very thaught of him. He treated her like a peice of crap. He used to tell me amoung many, that he broke my spirit now it's time to break you. What was I a hourse? I would not dare to ever say that in front of him, becuase that would make me a smart a*s in his eyes, and be hit for that. One thing I learned is physical abuse goes away, it's the verbal abd emotion that stays forever. It's like a silent hell that you prey no one ever sees.

 I had gotton away from him, but it was still like he some kind of power over me. I shutter at the very thaught of him and his name. I feel sick. I don't want to remember the things he said, and did. I just want to forget, but I can't. It's to fresh.Those wonds need to heal. I know in my heart that they will never fully heal , but it will get better becuase I choose not to let rule my life. Now I have to learn some things all over again. He tolk some thing from me that I willnever get back. The sad part about it is I gave him that power. Now I have a freindship infront of me, and I don’t know what to do. I am asked if I am ok, I say “ I am always ok.” When really I am anything but ok. I don’t want anyone to know of the silent hell I go through on a daily basis. To justify my logic I push people away. When really long for friendship. As I think about this new freindship I think how wonderful it is to be liked just for me. At the same time I wait for the bottom to fall out. I am beging to think they will get sick of me.

 Then someone knocks at the door so I put on a happy face, and answer the door. It’s my friend. He asks how I doing. Instead of my of my standard answer I tell him I am not so good and bury my head in his chest, and cry..He asks me why I am crying I state I am crying for me and the next person. Letting my  inner hell that haunts me out. As much as I want this pain to stop it will take some time for it to stop.

 When it is all over for the next person I just want to wrap my arms around them, and let them know it’s ok to cry.

 

     To be continued…………

Reviews

[Kaylor Mason]

I agree . . . verbal abuse is worse than physical. I know from experience. This is a good story. I love it when someone's emotional dam breaks, and their inner wounds come out and bleed--because that's when they start healing. First steps of healing are always the hardest; as soon as you face your emotions, you deal with them. That's when life gets truly pleasant and . . . well, fun . . . to live.
This story is great