Last Breath

Truth resides in her heart,
Yet still she's uncertain.
Glimmer of hope I forsee,
Slowly fading into vain.

Dreadful looks upon me,
Each night I couldn't sleep.
Hurt and betrayed, I felt,
Drowning in disbelief.

Hence I wonder all alone,
Feeling a trace of both rage and regret.
Gradually falling into despair,
As my whole world started to be swept.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath,
Memories of us started to melt.
A world where we were together,
Wandering how it must have felt.

Letting go of everything I had,
At last, I accepted my fate.
Saw a face frozen and unknown,
As I released my very last breath.

Author's Note

Have fun reading 📚 😊

Reviews

[hiren]

Hi
I am just worried what you are going to do

I am feeling very sick like mom just missing you.
Be careful till now steps were taken wrongly

[D. Mansfield]

I just read the other review and it could have been on dozens of you poems, all good true advice

[Beren]

I can't believe it, this is a really great poem written with extremely intense emotions. It's too great to be called random! You are definitely very talented. I literally read every line over and over again and it makes me open my eyes even wider! I LOVE IT.
You definitely expressed your feelings very beautifully and how were you able to write about such an abstract subject in such a realistic way?!?
IN MY FAVS FOR SURE! I'll be around to read more of your works. Please keep writing!

[JayG]

This is you talking about you, and what matters to you. What's in it for the reader? How many people woke today wondering how you feel?

More than that, it's you talking about an unknown "her," who's not important enough to have a name, and, who appears to be uncertain of unknown things. How many people will read that and say, "Well, I was wondering about that? 🙃

My point? Use your experiences to drive the READER'S emotion. Make THEM feel that way. Don't talk TO the reader because, aside from all else, only you know the proper emotion to place into the reading. For you it lives, and triggers memories and desires. For the reader? A dispassionate voice bemoans unstated events regarding an unknown person.

But poetry is so much more than that. Your reader is hoping to be entertained—to be made to feel the emotions, not hear about them, secondhand.

The thing we all forget is that they've been finding ways to move people that way, through poetic expression, for centuries. There is no way the report-writing skills we're given in school can do that because its goal is to inform—great for the reports, letters, and other nonfiction applications employers require, but useless for poetry.

But, you want to write poetry, something I enthusiastically approve. So...become a poet. Dig into the skills that have been developed. As Wilson Mizner put it: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So...research!

Grab a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook and dig in. It's filled with insight and gems of knowledge.

Trot over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled. He will amaze you with things about language that you use every day and never notice.

That can make a HUGE difference...and make writing poetry more fun.

Sorry my news wasn't better, but since the trap that caught you does that to most people, and is invisible till pointed out, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

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“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

[WordyWorld]

Thanks for your consideration.
I just write randomly write things when I am free or feel to write... so sorry if my writings offended you or disturbed you.

[JayG]

• "I just write randomly write things when I am free or feel to write"

And then use this writers site as your trash can?

You want to call yourself a poet without the bother of learning to be one. You want your work displayed as if you worked to earn it.

Do yourself a favor and look into those resources I suggested, to learn how to make your words meaningful to readers, as well.

[WordyWorld]

Didn't meant it that way... I am not good at words so I apologise if you misunderstood.
I love poems but I never thought of becoming a poet...
"I just casually write when I feel to write."
Sadly, I don't have a thirst for the essence of poetic mastery or deep knowledge about it.
I just wanted to write and hoped somebody will like and enjoy reading my pieces.
I am sorry and I never thought of this website or any other place as trash.

Hope you understand my friend.

Thanks for kind information, I'll check out the poetry handbook near future maybe.

Writings, whether good, bad, or decent, can feel like a body without a soul, mere words devoid of meaning, appearing unpleasant or attractive, meaningful or meaningless. Yet, it is the raw structure and each person's unique perspective that ultimately imbues them with individuality. To others, I cannot say, but to me, this very essence makes it forever unique.

Leaving this place for good.

Adios!

[JayG]

You miss the point. People have been saying it forever, but it's true. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. And pretty much anything you want to do must be learned.

I get what you're saying about "wanting people to "enjoy reading my pieces." But let me drop this:

You have to learn the basics of how to prepare food if you want people to like your cooking. You need to learn how to prepare a canvas, and a bit about perspective, and brush technique if you want to paint. And that's true of almost anything you would try. And you already know that.

But...you want people enjoy your thoughts, but aren't willing to invest a week or two of spare time to learn how to do that? Seriously?

How about this? That book I recommended? You can download it free here:

https://dokumen.pub/a-poetry-handbook-0156724006.html

And if you trot over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, you'll learn amazing things about language and how it flows—things about prosody that are useful for all kinds of poetry.

- - - - -
“It’s none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way.”
~Ernest Hemingway

“Self-expression without craft is for toddlers.”
~Rosanne Cash

“Talent? Were talent enough, there’d be no need of rehearsal...or editing...or Photoshop. And if desire were the key, we’d all be famous. Sweat, though. That’s the magic elixir.”
~ Me