Escape

Escape

An ordinary field to some,

But a pool of gold to me.

I approach this vast land,

my pace growing with each step,

a longing develops from within.

 

The emerald blades blow swiftly in the wind,

reflecting sparkles of glistening in sunlight.

They continues their slow dance,

each blade in its own rhythm,

yet synchronized in one.

 

I surrender,

letting myself slip

under natures blanket.

I let my hands explore

the softness underneath.

 

The very subtle morning dew,

almost unreal,

coating each blade in a fresh coat.

Each droplet so significant, so unique.

 

My eyes slowly lift,

looking at the remaining life

that shares this escape.

Kids playing, elderly walking, dogs running,

but to me it felt like an elite heaven.

 

I let my mind lose,

let my emotions flow,

letting my mind wander,

not resisting what may hit me.

 

Nothing.

 

Nothing comes,

only the motion of my surrounding

the light breeze

entwined with the grass,

soothing my soul in an unusual way.

 

I look around,

for any watchful souls.

I strip off my shoes,

sinking myself into the blanket of blades,

a slow, yet striking escape.

 

Reviews

[Lilith]

This is a very good poem! It truly conveys what the author is thinking while writing this, and it makes me want to escape to this place as well! However, I did find a few easily-fixed errors.

I do not like the repeated use of the word "it" in the second stanza. It kind of slowed the flow and imagery of the piece, which is very vital in the beginning of a piece. The first two or three stanzas, depending on the length of the poem, is when you should be drawing your reader in, making them crave more than what they have already seen. Repeatedly using that ugly word doesn't do that, especially since it disrupts the beautiful scene that is beginning to unfold before the reader! Try replacing it with something a little more sophisticated, or intelligent rather.

In the sixth stanza, you use the word "lose" at the end of the first line. Though I can't be completely sure, I believe you meant to use "loose". Both words would would be acceptable in this situation, but I believe the latter spelling would work more with the rhythm and wording that you having going here.

And lastly, I love the ending! Most poetry that I read - or even write!- leaves me with an empty feeling after I have finished it. This piece, however, does not! I feel relaxed at the end, refreshed even. This poem had a nice cycle to it, with the beginning being slow, then the middle stanzas bringing me to a height - though not too high because of the relaxed diction of this piece - then back down to a relaxed, slow end. Very nice. :]