Walking towards pain

Sunshine breaks slowly through the seems
Sunshine takes me out of midnight dreams
Sunshine makes me rise from my comfortable cuddle
Sunshine drapes me in the days first muddle

The crescent of the moon becomes daylights food
The scent of warm breakfast lightens my mood
The pleasant breeze lightly brushes my cheek
The present of melodious tunes as I pass the creek

I wish these initial moments would last
I diminish the thought of withdrawal fast
I fish out painful thoughts that make me sore
I famish my heart till it can take no more

When reality hits, my mind is vain
When brutality rises, I cry in pain
When mortality fades, it takes my soul
When nobility is gone, my heart becomes a hole

My day is now a bag of stone
My bay of worries degrade to bone
My say is gone as my voice is but a whisper
My stray steps make the ground crisper

I take small steps, nearing to the end
I fake a smile, so I can easily blend
I break my heart to face defeat in bed
I wake once again wishing I had fled.

But no, I'm too weak
But no, I cannot speak
Even so, I still carry on
hoping you'll come one dawn.

Reviews

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Writer,

This is my second time writing out this review since writerscafe.org just cut off most of my review. Let me try to emphasize three points: 1) BE CONFIDENT. Confidence attracts people, and don't say you suck, or it's not the best! Take pride in yourself! 2) REPETITION. Any poem with a constant use of repetition and using it properly is well worth words. Good job. 3) YOU DID A GOOD JOB! I mean it sincerely, for a 15 year old, this is better than I did. Most people who say this sucks are either jealous or ignorant. You are GREAT! Hope this all saves when I hit publish.
8.8/10.

As a friend, a person, and a writer,
S. W. Scaggs

[Harley Ann]

i like it! it's emotional AND it rhymes :)
like i said for "silent tears," it's deep. it's also vivid, which is good.
just watch out for spelling! :)

by the way, i'm 15, too