Middle [for now}

A Chapter by Bubble Grunge

Star comes home, Isaac reveles a secret. Can she save him from herself and accept Taylor back? {this is not finshed, just teying to get things out there}

At some point, some morning, a knock came on her door. She knew it was morning because the sun pooled through the tiny slice in her curtain. It annoyed her, the tiny slit that betrayed the comforting darkness of her room, but she was to far stuck in her bed to get up and fix it. What day it was, she wasn’t sure. she believed she had saw the sun dispense from the slit four times. Then again, a few says she was so under her medicated unconsciousness the world could have ended and she would never know.

The knock disturbed her meditation of the rainbow dots she had drawn on the roof many years ago, before she was a living zombie.

“Go away!” She croaked, pulling the covers back over her head. Whoever it was knocked again, and she ignored it.

Underneath her covers, there was no light, and she felt the pull of sleep beckoning to her. She closed her eyes, excited for the chance to slip away.

Her door cracked open, squeaking, the hinges needed to be oiled months ago.

‘What the hell-’ she sat up, anger causing her voice to be an octave higher, but it faded away at who stood just inside her door.

If she hadn’t spent the past forever seeing him, she wouldn’t have recognized Isaacs slumped shoulders, ragged hair and cloths that hung so loosely on him, she found it hard to believe it had only been a week. Perhaps she spent longer lost in her head then she thought. To top it off, his eyes where wild, crazed even.

“Isaac!” She gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. She kicked the comforter off, attempting to stand up.

“No, please, sit Star.” He shifted his weight, uncomfortable, and decided to slum against the wall. He glanced around the room. The walls where the darkest shade of pink, each one a little darker then the next. Pictures and posters littered the wall, a few of Secrets of a River. Her furniture was all different but somehow matched all the same, most panted or drawn on.

She followed his gaze, wondering what he thought about her life packed into one room. She wished she had thought to clean, and then laughed inwardly realizing this was the first time she had even acknowledged her room since she had been home.

Clothing, shoes and other paraphernalia littered every available crevice or her room.

“What are you doing home?” she finally said and winced at the way her voice sounded from lack of use.

“We’ve cancelled the last few shows. It’s kind of pointless. Taylor’s a wreck. River staying with Jared and Ashley. No ones speaking to me.” He shrugged, and looked at her full in the eye. “ My brother needs you to come home.” he told her, all trace of despair gone, replaced fierce determination.

“I am home.” she muttered.

“Our home.”

“What do you care?” she snapped.

He starred at her a moment, the determine look fading, his face once more confused and sad.. “I don’t really know what to say. Or do. I feel like throwing myself out the window. “

“When Taylor and I first dated, you told me to be gentle with him and you would do the same. So why aren’t you being gentle with him, Isaac? Why are you so-?”

“Angry?” he asked, sliding down the wall, to sit on the floor. “Can you keep a secret?”

“No, no more secrets!” she exclaimed. holding her hands over her ears.

He held his hands out ward, “It-it’s not easy for me to say out loud.”

The look that crossed his face, looking like he had seen a ghost and half like he realized he was the ghost, cause her to stop the sarcastic remark that wanted to pass her lips. “Who am I, that you want to tell me something you haven’t even told River or Taylor. Or even Jared?”

“You’ve been there before.” he whispered, and a single tear trickled down his face.

That caused her blood to freeze. Anything anyone could relate to her had to be horrible.” What is it Isaac?” she asked, even though she suddenly wished not to know.

He took a shaky breath, “My dad, the drunken psycho that I am so much like, us to not always be. When I was younger, and until I was five, the best memories I have are of him. The first time I remember eating ice cream, we were sitting downtown, at the carousel. When I was four, we drove the 17 hours to Disney World. I was so tired when we got there, and I wanted to ride Dumbo. My mom wanted me to take a nap, but dad, well, he carried me through Disney World for an hour why I slept. Apparently I claimed it was to uncomfortable to sleep in the stroller.’ He stopped and rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, when Taylor was born, I was beside myself with excitement. I was five, in fact, mom must have gotten pregnant in Disney World. I don’t think they where ready for another one, but my dad wanted a girl so bad because he claimed he already had the perfect son. Mom didn’t care as long as he was healthy. Poor, was in for it when he was born. A screaming little wrinkly thing that kept me up all night. When Taylor was a month old, it all went wrong. Dad lost his job, typical right? He started drinking and began molesting me.” he adverted his eyes from her, flushing with shame. “ He told me, I could be his perfect daughter too And if I told, he’d do the same to Tay. He was just a baby. When Taylor was two, he started beating up on him. Not much, the majority he saved for me. I welcomed that though, Tay was just a baby. “he looked up at her,” Know when it stopped? I was fourteen and couldn’t take it anymore. I broke his jaw.” Tears streamed freely down his face now,” It was the last time he touched me, sexually and abusively. I sore to him, as he withered at me feet in agony, if he didn’t sober up, I was going to tell. Every second of it. It took him a year to sober up completely. He never hit Tay, he never molested me, but we did have a few more quarrels. But, he’s been sober for 12 years. And everyday, everyday I become more and more like him.” He buried his face in his knees, “I’m hypocritical I know. I feel so protective, so fatherly to Taylor, and yet I’m a complete a*s.”

Star was no longer numb nor drowning, She was utterly aware of everything going on around her. Her heart broke for Isaac. For herself as well. “Isaac, you have to tell them.” she urged, knowing how utterly unbearable that could be.

“I can’t.” he wept.

“You can. It will feel so much better.” She climbed off her bed, and knelt in front of him. “I’m so sorry, Isaac. I’d never wish to share my pain with anyone,’ she pulled him to her chest, “ It sucks, and none of its fair, and I’m not the person to give you candy coated reality.”

‘What about you,” he asked.

She squeezed her eyes shut. ’You know how I deal. I gave myself till I was twenty-seven to live. Until I meet Taylor, I was constantly figuring out a the quickest and painless way out.”

“I don’t even care if you use.” He blubbered. “As long as you aren’t going to O’D tomorrow. I just want-”his voice trailed off.

“Help?”

“Yea.” he looked up at her, his chocolate eyes pleading.

“I’m not so sure I can do that, but I will try. Your just going to have to believe in yourself.”

“I don’t think I can do that.”

“Try.”

“If you will come back home with me.”

It was her turn, “I don’t think I can do THAT.”

He smiled at her, “Try.” he pulled away from her, wiping his face. “ Taylor needs you as much as you need him. Please. You have a way of making everything better when your around.” He took her hand. “River is in desperate need of your presents. As much as I need you for support.” he patted her arm.

She thought about it. This week had been so…there were no words for it. What could this hurt? If it didn’t work out, she wouldn’t work out. “Yes, Isaac, I will be there for you. I ca ‘t guarantee anything, but I wont leave you.”

He hugged her, kissing her head, “You know you mean as much to me as If you were my little sister. I do love you Star.”

If only love was all you did need.

~~~~~~~~

She probably should have bathed, changed her clothes, or at least run a brush through her hair. She just wasn’t ready to drop her guard yet. Her stomach twisted so that she was almost doubled over with nausea. Isaac squeezed her hand, but kept his thoughts to himself. She was glad, she had plenty to think about on the short drive there. Now that she was no longer drowning, her brain was able to sort through what had happened. It seemed so petty, after what Isaac had told her, to worry about Taylor and River’s love affair. Really what was the big deal? River was her best friend. Taylor was her life. She wondered what was the deal, if they kept it such a secret.

She was so lost in her thoughts, that it took her a minute to realize they bypassed the drive way for the house.

“Where are you going?”

“To Jar’s and Ashley’s. Tay and River have been staying there.” She could see this affected him more then he let on and she could agree it hurt being by yourself.

She sucked in a deep breath, rolling the window down to breath fresh air as they rolled up into the driveway.

Isaac barely had the car parked before Ashley was out the door, and running to the passenger side of the car. ”Star.” he ripped open the door, and all but yanking her into his arms.” You’ve had me worried sick, you could have answered MY phone calls.” He kissed her and held her back. “You look a wreck,” he tried to flatten down her curls to no avail.

“At least somebody cares,” she mumbled,

“About three more people in the house care,” he kissed her again, before letting her go.” Isaac?” he grabbed his face. “What happened?”

Isaac gently pried his finger’s from is jaw, ‘Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Ashley rolled his eyes, taking both their hands and walking them to the door. “Go on, they are in the living room. I’m going to make some drinks.”

Star felt like the walls were going to close in on her. It was just four messily little steps, but she had to hold on to Isaac for support. Walking through the threshold was one of the hardest things she had ever done.

Taylor lay on the couch, every bit as breathtaking as always, except his eyes where dead. River sat in the chair, a small try on her lap, and her fingers working feverishly on breaking up pot. Jared saw the first, and jumped up from the floor where he was sitting.

“Isaac, Star!” he exclaimed, going to them. “Star, you have nearly gave me a heart attack.” he rambled, but she began to zone him out.

Taylor looked at her, a hundred expressions running though his face. Fear, euphoria, disbelief, horror, worry and it settled on fear.

River was another story. She looked at star for a second, almost wishful, before jumping to her feet. The tray of pot clamored to the floor, pieces of bud scattering everywhere. She ignored it though, starting for the nearest exit.

“River, please!” He held up his hands, his voice soft and pleading. He looked wildly at Star.

“Please, Riv. ”she whispered, trying to sound convincing.

River stopped mid stride, and turned to her. “You want me to stay?”

It was funny, how those few words turned the whole world around for Star. She felt a yearning to comfort her friend, who was so obviously in need. How suddenly it didn’t matter it they had a relationship. But, despite all the new found courage, she knew the worst was still to come. And she had to be strong for Isaac.” Yes, I do.” she sat in the empty chair, curling her feet under her, and bending over to pick up the discarded pieces of pot. She was glad for the moment distraction, for River looked like such a lost little girl. Star was taken aback about how different they where suffering, but it was close to the same. She couldn’t yet bring herself to look into Taylor’s face.

“Here,” Ashley came back in with six glasses full of orange juice and vodka, He passed them out, and settled himself into a love seat, moving over so Jared could join him.

“What do you want, Isaac?” River tried to sound harsh but it came out kittenish.

Star looked up at him, nodding encouragingly. Taylor still sat silent, barely breathing.

“I’m not hear for sympathy. I take full responsibility for my behavior. For my anger. Taylor, little brother, you mean the world to me.” Isaac stopped, struggling to hold on to his emotions. “ I always wanted to be your big brother, protector, someone you could always go to, or look up to. But, I failed so miserably. And every time I failed, I wished someone would do three folds what I did to you. I’d take a bullet for you and yet, I am my own worst monster.” he looked at River, “Riv-”his voice caught and he stopped for a moment. “ I’m so lost with out you. And when-when I think about the rest of my life without you I’m so sick, I’m-”he cut of with a strangle, and he looked once more at Star.

“Tell them.” She urged gently. He shook his head. “Yes, Isaac, it’s ok. “she smiled at him.” It’s all going to work out ok.”

He sat there for a moment, a war waging in his mind. When he finally spoke, it was low, almost a whisper. “ There are things, that no one knows. Things I never wanted to be known. Things I’ve kept from you all for your own sanity. Seems, Star and I have a lot in common. “

Star mustered up her courage to glance around the room as Isaac told his horror story. At first, everyone sat, waiting like deer in headlights for the punch line. The punch line, in the literal sense. When it came, it was like hurricane force winds. The life sucked out of the room, leaving it hard to breath. Shock filled Jared and Ashley’s eyes, and also a touch of understanding. Star was sure they would follow all of them through hell and back. She had to make herself look at River. She burst into tears, loud racking sounds that she struggled to keep to a soft cry. She wrapped her arms around her torso as she was over come with sobs, She began to rock in her seat, and Star had to look away, the insane look in her face to much to bare. At last, she looked up at her sweet gentle Taylor. He was, like the rest, shocked, possible disgustedly so. But, he did something that shocked her. With quiet tears, streaming down his face, he got up and embraced Isaac before he could finish the story.

“Oh, Ike,” he whispered, hugging him tightly. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“ Because I had to protect you. ”Isaac cried,” Your all I ever worried about. As long as you were safe, I didn’t care about myself.”

“ You should have told me.” Taylor wiped his face, “I could kill-”

“No, Tay.” Isaac said with sudden fierceness.” You can’t.”

“I’m not scared of him anymore, Ike.”

“That’s another reason, I never told you. I never wanted him to fall off the band wagon. Or did I want mom to know. It would kill her.”

“You can’t always worry about everyone else, Ike.”

“But, I can. It’s what I was put here for. Please, promise me, Tay. Believe me, he’s had his dues.”

`Taylor neither agreed nor denied Isaac but hugged him closer. Star realized she was crying herself. They sat like that a while, until Rivers sobs pulled Taylor away.

‘She needs you, Ike. We can figure out where to go from here, later.” Taylor slipped back against the wall, seeming to fall back into himself.

Isaac crossed the room in two steps, and River reached for him. He picked her up and crushed her to his chest.” Oh, please don’t” He buried his face in her hair, and there sobs turned into one.

Star looked at Taylor, broken much like herself. His composer was about to crack, and she doubted she could take it. Standing up, she walked to him, leaning her head against his chest. it moved up and down quickly with his erratic breathing. It felt good, simple and right, to lay her head against him. His arms closed around her, and everything was well. She’d live with what came after the shock wore off, for the few minutes with him. He slumped against her, and they fell to the floor. Much like Isaac, he buried his face in her hair, and wept.

Time meant nothing, and at some point, Jared and Ashley began to comfort them.

At some point, all the sobbing turned into heaves, and River was the first to pull away. “I-I’m ok, now.” she told Isaac, looking up and kissing him. “I’m alright, Ash,” she squeezed him. She untangled herself from the two of them, making a bee line for Star. “Star, I”

Star pushed away from Taylor and Jared, “Riv,” she embraced her and the tears began all over again.

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