Try

Keep trying, its the only way to get rid of pain and reach your goals

I try, so what?

There are a of people out there, especially among teenagers, who think something will always come their way. That something bad can't possibly happen. Pain is life though, and it takes a lot more than pure luck and shortcuts to get past that. There is no "I'll slip by" or "I'll just cheat on this test", no "winging it" or "I'm too smart for this". Life's rough, but if you keep running away from all your troubles and turning a blind eye on what you really want in life, it'll find a way to catch up with you, and ultimately beat you.

Yeah, you can dream and believe and hope and imagine and pray, but if you don't try, then so what? Rub a bottle and a genie will give you all you want? Yeah, right. Dreaming, believing, hoping, and imagining are all essential parts of life. They help create you as an individual  and help you see want you want in life. But think about it. Aren't they all just illusions and images your mind creates? 

Dedication, passion, striving, and just trying, are what make these illusions and visions your reality. You already have what you want in your sights, now all you need to do is work for it. I always wanted to be an author, a very successful writer, a writer of any sorts. Can I do that without grabbing that pen and paper and write a rough draft? No, I can't. I always wanted to be a vet too, or anything that works with animals. Can I do that without planning out those college years? No, I absolutely cannot. These are only the career thoughts I have, but simply trying has a lot to do with life all together.

What do animals do out in the wild? Do the cats wait for the mouse to leap into their paws?  Do the birds wait for the worms to make their way up to their nests? Do the bears simply wait for their prey in those few months before hibernation? No, they don't. They have to at least attempt to catch their food to just simply keep breath in their body. Are humans any different? I mean, we're animals too right? "But we have machines that get all that work done." Well who makes those machines? Other machines? No, we have to work in order to survive as well, and we should be grateful that our struggle for survival is not nearly as harsh as it is for other animals. They try to survive, and with a lot more effort on their part, so why can't we do the same?

One thing I often fear many of us don't do is to try and face out pain. It's too scary. It hurts too much. Every time the thought comes, we burst into tears. I realize that fear. I know that fear. I have experienced that fear first hand, and it took a long time for me to face it. There were two incidents where I was too scared and upset to face my fear: death, and shyness.

Shyness has by far been one of my greatest weaknesses and greatest challenges. To this day I still struggle with it even though It's been close to five years since its developed. I was always quiet, sure, I could deal with that. But shyness is like a disease. Shyness is that thing you can't control. That thing that hurts when your called on in class. That thing that makes your heart race when your grandma or grandpa talks to you. My shyness hurts me, emotionally and mentally. At times I get the added fear that it'll hurt me physically. I couldn't talk to my family I was so shy. If I didnt see them on a regular notice, the most they get is a smile and a laugh. Five years I struggled with this, three its made me crash and break. I hated this. Hated myself. Hated everything because of this stupid shyness. I couldn't talk to loved ones, and when they said they still loved me even though I was so quiet, it hurt me even more. Just last year I learned that I was running away from the pain. I don't know how, but I was. And as I ran, it caught up to me. I didn't try to overcome this challenge and pain, I later realized, and when that rude, obnoxious teacher told me I would never be successful, I realized she was right. How could I go on with this illness?

When I realized this though, I knew I could push forward and move on. I kept that dream of an outgoing red-head in my mind and, with the help of my friends(whom I call my extended family), I've gone from that girl who cries when she has to present to someone who raises her hand to read off one of my writings.

What does trying have to do with death though? A lot. A whole heck of a lot. I lost a friend September 13, 2012 to death. He was struck by a car and no one could save him. I woke up that morning and told myself "Today's going to be a bad day." I was right, and I'm so ashamed of myself to say that in the morning I cried for selfish reasons. I told myself that morning no one cared about me, that everyone would prefer it if I just spoke, that my shyness was driving my friends away when really I was just being over dramatic. But then study hall came, and my teacher wasn't there. Some lady was. She was standing in front of the class with a somber look and the words "Jarod Maxwell died" escaped from her lips. My mind blocks out the rest of the words, and more tears ran down my cheeks, already red from my old sobs. I heard the words "hit by a car" though. My heart broke. I was sent to a counseling room where all around me I saw crying friends and sobbing strangers. I was hugged a lot that day, and I didn't want any of them to let go.

The grief clung to me like moss on a rock for a long time. Finally I started writing about him. Poems, stories, letters. Anything really. I started to heal, because I was trying to get that moss covering of grief off. Did I try to get him off my mind? Oh no. That's impossible, and wrong. No one should forget those who pass on. Death is a scar, I later accepted that fact. But I knew that like all scars, I would get used to the pain.

There are my stories of trying and accepting and dedication, so tell me, will you try too?     


        

Author's Note

Ignore any grammar mistakes, not my strong point, and toward the end it gets a bit emotional for me, so excuse any spelling mistakes and so on..