One Less Step

This is actually and old school assignment. I thought i would post it to get some actual unbiased opinions.

The birds soar through the sky

The water drips from a leaky faucet

The clock ticks and tocks

Ever so slowly

As I become one less step away from you.

 

The children play in the yard

The trees dance in the wind

The clock ticks and tocks

Ever so slowly

As I become one less step away from you.

 

The world seems to be in fast forward

The only exception is you and I

The clock ticks and tocks

Ever so slowly

As I become one less step away from you.

 

The minuets seem like hours

The time we have waited for is about to arrive

The clock ticks and tocks

Ever so slowly

As I become one less step away from you.

 

The wait is over

The world stops

The clock ticks and tocks

No more

As I stand right next to you.

Reviews

[Brylee S. Hoffman]

i'm sorry this has taken so long for me to reply... thank you for your input but i need to clear something up. she isn't moving away from him. She's moving closer to him. This poem is about two lovers who are about to meet. He's coming home from a long trip and she's meeting him there. And i wasn't trying to imitate anyone, I'm sorry if it came off that way. I had to write three poems in a day and i saw a commercial about two lovers and it all came flooding to me.

[RainyDay]

I'm sorry but this poem was lovely, but didn't quite make sense. How is she moving away from him? To write great poetry don't simply imitate others, but describe how you feel in truth and honesty.