Juno's Embrace

This is the after math of juno's tears.

This is the aftermath of a fairytale believe to be the work of a goddess for her work is so divine. A relished and refined piece of equipment that could never be bought for any price but instead traded for a life and all that could be offered to this being of immortality and natural confidence in all, its self gratified beauty. Toxicated and benevolent beyond catatonic schizophrenia and Extreme disturbance in mind and soul. Its no secret that you've been talking to other people behind your own words of complete honesty and to be honest i knew it would happen, You said you was unfaithful before and i ignored it, i should have turned and walked away from the beginning, but i stayed because you said you couldn't live with out me. And i believe it, Sores in my mouth and throat start develop as i try to scream and drink the pain away from what i had turned into so jealous of other men and hoping it would never come to what it has but no matter what i'm still here with out you in the end as i thought i would, yet a narcissist would believe the mirror always reflected their image to them, but on the other side of the mirror in the shadow world filled with company of our complete opposites. Foul play is considered topical for those who see them selves as "rejuvenated" or "How i was meant to be" but thing's always self glorified, as i look back on the picture and things you've created i can only see the world as turned upside down as before the casting of silhouettes. cacodemomania is pathological belief that one is invaded an evil spirit, Would you call me a demon? In ways i could explain how you made me feel and how i see you it's self righteous and a paradox of a dilemma that only a Paleontology could find all of your ambiguous and arcane profound secrets that form a labyrinth of intricacy. The Lies coil my soul with regret and complex confusion, labels convolution as relatively absolute patterns that sew and reap behind all Human nature, counting circuits of mans inner most devious and mind boggling thought's and its only so far to begin lost counterclaim on them selves for power plays and even then it's to even close to septic shock which might be considered genius. facaded and striped of all moral sensibility, to crawl and plastered with hate because i refused to stop. But it's okay i have stopped and toward the end i believe i made a mistake in who i saw that first night. And i think it's best if we stay where we are at, the opposite ends of our worlds. though pain and stability i do not regret falling, I regret not trying harder and i hate my self for it. But moving on is apart of natural beauty, the sacrifice of letting go is worse then i could imagine but in the end i am enjoying the stinging and constant panic from each glimpse as you pass by, long blond hair and natural talent for stealing hearts, i got what i wanted. A beautiful lie of a relationship but as carnivorous as it was i have enjoyed it and so to be fair i miss the good parts of being normal, being missed and spoke to every moment, waking or falling asleep. After all a hunter's instincts are always right.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

though pain and stability i do not regret falling, I regret not trying harder and i hate my self for it. But moving on is apart of natural beauty, the sacrifice of letting go is worse then i could imagine but in the end i am enjoying the stinging and constant panic from each glimpse as you pass by, long blond hair and natural talent for stealing hearts, i got what i wanted.
A splendid read and write...:)

[Brooksfield]

Thank you so much, This is a ending to a perfect story. About a man falling in love with a woman and and in the end, another chapter filled into the blank pages of a funny an tragic life. Thank you for the review, it helps me figure out what kind of writer i want to be. And this is true, Yet it feels like it wasn't now i look back at it. Thank you again for you post, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

[Sami Khalil]

MY pleasure...Any time...:)

[SquinklaPsyOps]

It sounds like the character in the poem is trying to say that the other person brings out the worst in him because the other person challenges with never ending lies that waste his time down into a spiral from where the character has to to climb out by himself because it has no true support from the other person from the relationship.

[Jane P.]

Okay, so I'm officially in love with your imagery and personal voice. Like, your freaking vocabulary?! Man, it's insane. Some of your descriptions, for example, "your ambiguous and arcane profound secrets that form a labyrinth of intricacy" I just sat back and stared blankly at my laptop screen. I think I've actually read this through three times already. It's very well written. However, your grammar and structure could be improved. Content is definitely not a concern, but this was a lot to take in. Shorter paragraphs are always so much easier to read, and they also help establish the pace/flow of your piece.

Some grammatical points:
- "This is the aftermath of a fairytale believe to be the work of a goddess for her work is so divine." You need to change 'believe' to 'believed'. Also, there should probably be a comma after 'goddess', just to break up the sentence a bit and to create a stronger sense of pace.
- This is probably just me being a pedantic loser, but is there a reason why in "Extreme disturbance" 'extreme' is capitalised? I actually have no idea with poetry, because it usually ignores the concept of structure, so please ignore this comment if it was intentional!
- "Its no secret" should be: It's
- Generally, and again ahhh poetry I feel so wrong adding this one, but 'i' should kinda-maybe-possibly be capitalised? That's right, I'm just going to add a question mark at the end of every grammatical point now.
- "You said you was..." Capital 'You' halfway through the sentence? should 'was' be 'were'?

Oh my god dude, "And i believe it, Sores in my mouth and throat start develop as i try to scream and drink the pain away from what i had turned into so jealous of other men and hoping it would never come to what it has but no matter what i'm still here with out you in the end as i thought i would, yet a narcissist would believe the mirror always reflected their image to them, but on the other side of the mirror in the shadow world filled with company of our complete opposites." How the heck did you manage to make this one sentence?! Actually, I really liked this mondo-sentence. It was like one huge breath and explosion of words - you have likened an actual rant. I have no idea why, but I sort of feel this really works. You could even make this sentence like a stand alone paragraph to further establish a sense of structure within your poem/prose.

Just a general point, if you do want to have long sentences I would suggest using more commas. That is, unless you want to be like Joyce! Post-Modernism is a total thing, and it that's what you were going for - then, once again, ignore this comment.

- ""How i was meant to be" but thing's" 'How' is capitalised? No apostrophe needed in 'thing's'
- "Would you call me a demon?" Nothing wrong here (although this could probably be a sentence on its own), I just love this! A beautifully written question.

Aaaanyway, I don't want to harp about grammar! I mean, don't get me wrong, I LOVED this piece of writing. Your use of language is highly sophisticated and really impressive! Great content and voice!

[Brooksfield]

Thank you so much for this review! I really seen this as a huge help on what i want as being a writer and it took me awhile to think of a response to your message. And i can see the flaws in my work but for some reason it don't click as i'm a country bumpkin. haha, But as thing's go i guess you can say i'm trying my hardest to see my grammar error's but just seeing them isn't my problem. I end up writing in odd hour's of the night. So tired or either drunk when i write. So i really need to proof read my own stuff.. But again thank you so much for the tip's and thing's you've picked out. Other then that i am happy with your review, thank you again so very much!!!

[Jane P.]

Hahah, I completely understand! It seems the only time during the day to get any writing done is way late at night. And for the grammar thing, it's always so much harder to notice your own mistakes (I'm exactly the same).

Writing drunk is a new one, though! I think the last time I tried that, I ended up scribbling down an awkward interior rant about pretentious hairdressers (I have no idea). So, really impressed by your ability to create something beautiful!

Anyway, no prob! You've got a lot of potential and talent as a writer :)
Grammar, and the annoying technical details, don't even detract from the story!