Everlasting, The third child of grace.

Now I'm going to start this a little different then most people that often tell a story, I'm not going to say a lame line like, "Just because I'm telling the story, doesn't mean I'm alive at the end." I will tell you this, I have been though more then enough to write this down. Well here goes.

 "My name is? God help me find the words to say", He speaks with convection; but he has never ever been in front of a crowd, A boy of seventeen shouldn't have to deal with this much compromise he thought as he walked to school. He thought to him self as he walked. "sophomore"  he mumbled to him self, I try to hard to fit in; I'm not in a popular group or a click, I try to hard to stand out.

 Within reason of course. But still i stand on the outside of everyone. He strolls the corner of his block passing up a white fence. The grass in Mrs Larkins lawn is the greenest on the block. She must take care of her grass, He thinks to him self his hand on his cheek. "That's right " He remember he forgot his jacket, "What an important thing to forget on a day like this, But then again it's the day i stand in the beam of light on stage with over three hundred students watch me present my case.

As i want to be a lawer." He whispers to him self with over confidence. He stops an looks around for a moment noticing all the frost on the grass an how every ones grass is brown but Mrs Larkins lawn. He Smiles to him self as he passes her house. He continue to walk pulling out his Ipod stuffing the ear bud's in his ear's turning it to his favorite song. 

He almost forgets about the pot hole he almost steps in everyday, He jumps over it like he was built to withstand the freezing temperatures of the winter. He continues to look around at the Bight greens an browns that were yesterdays fest for the cold winters night to consume. As if the world has spun so much out of control that it covered the world with this sleek white frost that would make you sick an eventually kill you. 

That's what weather is right? One bit cluster of trouble after another. The threes to his left now looking more alive then ever, The bright green standing out among it's proud coat covered with a blanket of snow, The proud pines, Spruce an fir trees look almost like the enjoy the coming winter, Not completely ready to Surrender to the coming of seasons. He checks his left a few dying trees with ice sickles draping from the branches. the road a sickly brown color mixed from snow an dirt from tires. 

It's good that the these people trying to make their way home to their families. He keeps going until he starts skins in snow that has been once white that is now brown, almost like a slushy from a convenience store, He grabs his shirt an an starts to button it up as he thought just a white thermal shirt and an over shirt would be good enough to keep him warm. "As I didn't expect snow!!" He raised his voice with concern. He jumps up onto the curb an starts to balance himself as he slowly walks, "The snow is to deep to walk in the street. "Snow, Sleet an this gutter that is usually spiting out water is now what looks like a small pond of ice. Concentrating on the task at hand he can see a dry spot that is untouched by snow or sleet, he steps up on the curb carefully and begins to make his way across the sea of snow hopeful enough to make it across balanced with out falling into the snow in front of him or the pond of ice behind him.

 He shivers thinking about falling onto the ice and it breaking and him falling into the freezing water or maybe knocked out from the fall and then drowning in the water. He looks around to see if anyone was watching him as he slowly made his way half way along the curb as he kept inching foot after foot until something caught his eye but not enough time to avoid as he felt something slippery underfoot, he looked down just in time to see he was standing in a slick spot of ice that he had overlooked, trying to shift his weight to avoid- to late he slipped almost falling forward but with a quick turn of his body made him fall in the direction of the dry curb, his foot came out for leverage catching his body weight as he stumbled onto the dry curb. He looked around as he thought he had just almost died but yet again he was still in the middle way though, He begin to keep going trying not to almost get himself either killed or dirty from brown snow, He kept pushing his way across until he remembered something about the curb that made him think.

 "Where was that spot again..?" then he remembered as he felt it shift under his feet. He didn't have time to move the rock begin fall as he thought in his head. "That spot of broken curb that had made him fall a few times was underneath him." He felt himself fall backwards as it took hold of him. His foot came from under him as he fell backwards in mid air he could hear himself gasp as he fell and then slammed into the pond of ice and at the same time his head smashed into the ice instantly turning his vision red as he tried to get up but fell onto his back. He lay for a bit before turning over onto his stomach, He looks around to see if anyone had heard him fall. But nothing he did made a difference, He start to army crawl across the ice but wasn't going fast enough until his vision began to fade and then with a startle he woke up as something had him by the arm, He looked up to see his vision was blurry and not red anymore. Maybe he had blood in his eyes he thought to himself But that didn't explain how he was being carried by two men 

 His eyes darted around to see if he was being rescued or if he was being abducted and then his eyes fell onto the white lab coats that had him by the arms, he let out a sigh and they stopped him in front of a large train, the gravel under his feet told him he was near home so maybe they had found out who he was. But at long last something happened that he didn't expect, the train door opened and a man jumped from the train and landed in front of him with a crunch of the gravel. The man looked to be in his sixty's until his head came up and he could see his face. 

 His hair was grey with white mixed in his matted hair that reminded me of doc brown from back to the future. But something was off about his face, he looked to be around nine teen years old but his hair was almost solid white. The man spoke with a soft voice that reminded him of someone his age. He even had some balding going on. But at last the man said to him. I know who you are and where you're from, so stop playing these games and tell us what to do. Looking up at him i stopped and being to speak by my mind couldn't warp around what he had just said. He turned to the others as they stood me up showing me i could stand on my own as they formed a line in front of me so i could see all of their faces.

 I am Doctor Torerick Levin and then he pointed to a rather larger man that had held my right arm and this is Dr Jevin Zuuvey, He had a stern look on his face that showed he was the serious type that spoke only when spoken to, his spikey dark brown hair was met with a fragile looking nose that had looked to have been broken several times that matched his bright green eyes he had looked like a body guard rather then a lab tech, Dr Torerick then he pointed to a fairly short woman with blond hair and thick glasses with dull grey eyes, her name is.

 She interrupted and stepped out in front of me and gave her own introduction, My name is Dr Vezx Hohn and i will be taking care of your anesthetics as well as caring for you while your unconscious, So be thankful i've always been here for y--- she is cut off by another women with a very attractive voice and the body to make her voice. she spoke in a very direct straight to the point voice. "If you screw this up i will personally make sure we dump your lifeless body in a river-" she is then cut off by Dr. Torerick as she steps backward and stands still. I apologize he says in a sorrowful voice, This is assistant director Harlice Grey and she is going to be your nurse and if you don't live though the surgery. 

that last line him me harder then the when my head hit the pond of solid ice, wait surgery hits me, did i hit my head hard enough to make me dream? this is no dream Dr. Torerick said as if he had read my mind, don't give me an ugly face he said, smile. We are going to fix you he insisted as he pointed at me and then the two men grabbed my arms and pulled me toward the train and unable to fight or move as i wanted i felt something bite my neck and then white lights hit me and for a moment everything froze as if i had stood still but i could hear them talking and i could feel myself being moved but i could still see them standing in front of me. 

I could see my face in the reflection of the dull green train window, and then like a rock out of the sky or much like a junk coming down from a high the imagine that had been burned into my mind broke like glass as i stared up at bright lights that reminded me of the creepy movies where the main character is strapped to the slab and is being taken to the morgue and can't fight anything, the lights didn't move but instead the straps were taken off as Dr torerick appeared in front of my eyes. Sorry he said as he took a strap off my head, We are finished and i Dr. Torerick am proud to say that you made it though the 15 hour surgery and are alive. Wait i thought as i tried to speak but nothing came out, Why can't i move my body, i feel my body but nothing is working, i can feel my arm in front of my face but it isn't there.

 He then grabbed my head and showed me my body was still intact but with lines and other small markings on my body which looked to be tattoos mixed in with scars that had left behind while they sewed me back together. He said to me in a optimistic tone, Your body is still under a very powerful drug that will not allow your body to move for the next forty to thirty five minutes and under this drug you can not move any muscles, so your mouth has muscles so that is why your not able to speak. We will be back so we have left Dr harlice here to watch you and make sure you do not go into antiseptic shock or Anaphylactic Shock.

Reviews

[FireBird99]

This chapter was good, different but captivating. I find myself trying to guess what is going to happen so you've caught my attention. The only thing I had some difficulty with was the grammar, but that can be easily fixed.
Just a few reminders. Always capitalize the beginning of a sentence and the 'i' when speaking of one's self. I, also, found that you switched from the first person to third person quite often. I'm not sure if other books do that or not?
One more thing ad I'll quit bugging you. Don't forget the proper dialogue and formatting when one of your characters are speaking. For example this paragraph:

I could see my face in the reflection of the dull green train window, and then like a rock out of the sky or much like a junk coming down from a high the imagine that had been burned into my mind broke like glass as i stared up at bright lights that reminded me of the creepy movies where the main character is strapped to the slab and is being taken to the morgue and can't fight anything, the lights didn't move but instead the straps were taken off as Dr torerick appeared in front of my eyes. Sorry he said as he took a strap off my head, We are finished and i Dr. Torerick am proud to say that you made it though the 15 hour surgery and are alive. Wait i thought as i tried to speak but nothing came out, Why can't i move my body, i feel my body but nothing is working, i can feel my arm in front of my face but it isn't there.

Should be something like this:

I could see my face in the reflection of the dull green train window, and then like a rock out of the sky or much like a junk coming down from a high the imagine that had been burned into my mind broke like glass as i stared up at bright lights that reminded me of the creepy movies where the main character is strapped to the slab and is being taken to the morgue and can't fight anything, the lights didn't move but instead the straps were taken off as Dr.Torerick appeared in front of my eyes.
"Sorry," he said as he took a strap off my head, "We are finished and I Dr.Torerick am proud to say that you made it though the 15 hour surgery and are alive."
Wait, I thought as I tried to speak but nothing came out, Why can't I move my body, I feel my body but nothing is working, I can feel my arm in front of my face but it isn't there.

I hope this helped. Great job so far!
FireBird99

[Brooksfield]

Hello, Yes i know it's hard to read, i will fix the errors when i have time to get around to it.
read moreHello, Yes i know it's hard to read, i will fix the errors when i have time to get around to it.

Yes, i realize when i look at it, it's just a rough idea of what i want, I wasn't worried about thing's like that, i only wanted to get it off my mind and place it in a page and then find it later so i could give it the final touches.

i can't stay focused on one thing to long, so i try as hard as i can to get it as close as possible, i think of it like a notebook that i can put my thoughts on to, i will come back around for it later, i have to feel it so i don't just throw things together and come up with your regular novel you buy from the book store, i want it to stand out, everyone starts someone where, and i'm starting slowly while placing each piece where it belongs with out toppling down everything.

Thank you for the bit of information, i will look at this piece and go over it later, thank you again.

[FireBird99]

I will, believe me. =)

[Akira]

It's an interesting start, I do like it. I was captivated as I read and I look forward to reading more of it.