Extraterrestrial

"A shooting star!
Look, Eva, look!"
It's coming from afar,
The whole Earth shook.
"Mommy it's close!
It's coming in for a kiss!
It likes me the most!
It's granting my wish!"
There's a fire blazing,
It's coming so quick.
A crowd of eyes gazing,
Who would they pick?
The people stood still,
Under a faint, green glow.
And they beamed Eva,
Straight up from below.
Mama cried hard,
And Eva just smiled.
But none of them knew,
They wouldn't see her for awhile.

Author's Note

Image by M. Cornelius.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

you really have the knack for children's poems, although this one had a rather sad twist of an ending that I'm not sure what age group this might be suited for. The "cried hard" is also a bit misleading, if I may say, for it makes the last two lines a bit confusing. But other than that, this is very profound, very solemn, ethereal; like this witnessing of an alien abduction was real. Well done!

[Kesha]

This gave me goosebumps, the child was so excited but the mother's heart twisted so hard it tore. I loved this

[Brooke]

Thank you so much !!

[Kesha]

You are welcome! :)

[matrixmark]

Lovely poem, filled with such happiness and joy coming from Eva and her mum. But then quite a surprise ending.

Great start - intersestin ending.

Mark.

[Brooke]

Thank you so much Mark !!!

[matrixmark]

You are welcome.

I like it when people write something which will surprise me, and you did just that.

Mark.

[Sikandar Khan]

Ohhh Wonderfull And Enjoyable Poem About Shotting Star Nice Work...............

[Brooke]

Thank you ! :)

[Sikandar Khan]

WellCome...

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Loved this! I could feel the amazement the characters felt and I saw what they saw. Great limning! Tyfs!

[Brooke]

I loved that you could feel what my characters felt! Thanks for the review!

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You're most welcome! :)

[mercy party]

bye bye Eva! very simple well done. side note i get from the poem is this...can you imagine the helplessness of that scenario? First four lines were really well put together.

[Brooke]

Thank you so much !! Xo

[FIN]

Darn it! I loved the enthusiasm of this whole poem, the build up, the excitement, the wonder, the flow, the exclamations, everything!

Until you mellowed it out at the end by saying "but none of them knew... they wouldn't see her for awhile."

Why!

It was so splended and awesome all the way through, excitement to the maximum; why kill it...?

Much love,

LR

P.S.
It still works; just shot down the excitement real quick.

[Brooke]

I meant for it to be a quick twist in tone at the end. The excitement comes from the naive little girl believing it is something to that of a wish. Thank you for the review!!

[FIN]

Ahh, I see. But I wanted that naive little girl to get her wish! Ahh man.

Lol

Much love,

LR

P.S.

Well done.